


Cat's Cradle (An Illyana's Passage Story)

by dhapin



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, New Mutants, The Sandman (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 52,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5261576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhapin/pseuds/dhapin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Been trying to come up with an Illyana story that involves the Endless.  Oh, thanks to Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Endless_(comics) for some better words about the Endless then I could write.  I wrote Part 1 with no other story, then as I programmed at work listening to random songs I found inspiration for a full story from Pat Benatar's song "We Belong".  </p><p>I've always been sad that Cat from the original Magik limited series has never been revisited in the comics.  I've touched upon Cat a few times in my stories but have never really come up with a full Cat story.  </p><p>Until now.</p><p>And Somehow this became a love story.  F/F.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Part 1: A moment out of time**

 

Illyana stood within her teleportation disk, her soul sword plunged within the disk and power surging out of control. The attempt to breach the rule that forbad paradox had failed. The power backlash was in the process of completely destroying her.

 

But... Time was frozen. Six entities surrounded and examined her. They were the Endless. There should have been seven, but one was absent as he had abandoned his duties.

 

 **Destiny** : The oldest of the Endless, dressed in brown robes and carrying a large book that was chained to him. He is sightless, yet sees almost all.

 

 **Death** : Death was a young Goth woman, pale white skin with black hair and black jeans with a black tee-shirt.

 

 **Dream,** also known as Morpheus: A tall, pale man with wild dark blue-black hair. He is wearing a shapeless cloak of night with the faint hint of flames dancing in its folds. . His eyes are pools of shadows with glimmers of light within.

 

 **Desire** : Desire is androgynous looking individual dressed in a casual suit that could be for either a man or a woman. She/he is smoking a cigarette.

 

 **Despair** : Is a naked short, obese woman with grayish skin and irregularly-shaped teeth.

 

 **Delirium** : The youngest of the Endless, a young girl with wild multicolored hair and eccentric, mismatched clothes. One eye is emerald green (currently the right side) and the other pale blue with silver flecks. At one time she was **Delight** , but she changed long ago.

 

 **Destruction** : He is/was a very large, robust man with red hair. Destruction abandoned his responsibilities as one of the Endless three hundred years ago. He is not present, but greatly missed.

 

Delirium spoke first. _"She is one of mine. Mad and lost. She... suffices for the task"._

 

Desire took a puff from her/his cigarette holder and spoke. _"She is one of mine. Lost in desire for what she was, for who she wants. She is adequate for the task"._

 

Despair spoke. _"She is one of mine. Despair fills her and guides her hand. She is will serve for the task"._

 

Dream spoke. _"She is one of mine. From the dreaming she was pulled by another and formed. Now hurt and abused she pursues the dream of being other then she is. She will be a knife for the task, well honed"._

Death spoke. _"I call none my own for all come to me in the end, but she walks a path of death. She is perfect for the task, poor thing"._

Destiny spoke. _"She flickers from page to page; always in motion. She will do the task"._

Destruction, their absent brother, said nothing as he was not there _._ However he would have agreed with Death. She was ideal for the task.

 

Dream summed it up. " _We are agreed then"._

They all nodded their heads.

 

Death sighed. _"She will now survive this, but will be even more broken. A shattered vessel"._

 

Destiny answered. _"Yes, and with the cutting edge that is needed. A broken bottle still has its uses, just not its original function"._

Desire puffed out a smoke ring. _"We were told the task we were to perform, not how to do the task. She is the best we've found"._

Despair turned to go. _"I will watch her passage. The road of despair will guide her"._

 

Delirium went off topic _"Ice cream, who wants ice cream"?_

Dream sighed. _"We are done here. Delirium, if you wish, we can go get ice cream. Yes she is on a road paved with despair, but dreams of what might be will guide her, not despair"._

All of the Endless faded away, except for Destiny. He looked at her, standing there frozen within the backwash of power. He gave into temptation, as he often did, and skimmed forward in the book. He stopped after a few pages, what those pages contained and the amount of time represented by those pages was known only to him; but his eyebrows rose in surprise.

 

He sighed and whispered. _"We choose well my siblings. Perchance a bit too well. She will..."._ He paused and left it at that as he faded away as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2: Whetstone**

 

Illyana sat with her back against the grey stone wall and bitterly cursed the Endless. She was in an empty stone room with no doors. Cat was asleep in the far corner of the room wearing yet another straight jacket. The sleep of exhaustion, of depleted hysterics. Yet another day of misery. Of pain.

 

Of penance.

 

Cat had been returned to her two months ago. Returned in a way that was so similar to Illyana’s own return. Damaged and mad. Lost to herself in the recollections of the horrors that Belasco had inflicted upon her, that and of course the trauma of her death. A death at Illyana’s hands as Illyana had snapped Cat’s neck in a fight to the death.

 

Illyana gave a dark chuckle that lacked any humor. How can I be so grateful and so filled with rage about the same thing she mused to herself. Shards I hate the Endless.

 

It had begun with a trip to the realm of Despair…

 

**BEGIN RECOLLECTION**

 

After a year into Illyana's quest for her soul she had come to the conclusion that she had been tampered with. The left over traces were faint, almost undetectable except to a Hell Lord in her own domain. She had meditated upon the traces for some hours before it made sense.

 

Illyana was sitting cross-legged on her bed in her Limbo bedroom. A stark room that only had a king sized bed with light blue silk sheets, a solitary dresser, and a mirror on the wall. The mirror was in fact a scrying mirror that allowed Illyana to gaze upon things that were elsewhere.

 

She un-crossed her legs, got off the bed, and walked up to the mirror. She gazed in to the mirror for some time and that stated.

 

_“Despair of the Endless I greet you. I would have words with you if you will permit”._

 

The visage of Despair faded into the mirror. Despair was a naked short, obese woman with grayish skin and irregularly-shaped teeth. She wore an absent minded expression of mild disinterest.

 

_“Greetings Darkchilde, I had begun to wonder if you would ever notice”._

_“May I cross into your realm? You have interfered with me and I would know why”._

 

_“Despair touches all, some but a little, others more so. Yes you may enter”._

 

Illyana concentrated and walked into the mirror. She emerged into a realm where the ground was concealed by a low hanging mist. Mirrors hung in the air like windows. Each reflecting the visage of a person in the grips of despair. Despair stood before her, one of Despair’s rats was currently on Despair’s right shoulder.

 

_“Why have you touched me? I can read the signs, and I suspect your brethren have had a hand in it as well”._

_“I shall not say as this would likely negate the reason we touched you”._

 

Illyana’s eyes narrowed. _“I dislike… being interfered with and… do not wish to be one of your playthings. You and your twin, Desire, tend to break your toys”._

 

Despair gave a small laugh. _“You are no playing but… perhaps we can have a little fun now that you are here”._

 

Illyana stood back and summoned her soul sword. A blazing sword filled with white fire appeared in her left hand. Despair simply looked at Illyana with a bored expression.

 

_“You think such power impresses me? Despair is rarely impressed”._

 

_“You have interfered and I will know why or be recompensed. Such are the rules that govern interactions between the Endless and such as I”._

 

Despair smiled. _“Recompense then. Abide for a few moments while I acquire you a… gift”._

 

Despair walked past Illyana, dangerously close to the sword if the sword was in fact a threat, and stood before a wall of portraits. Was the wall there before or did it appear? Who knows, the realms of the Endless are… malleable. Despair stands before a painting of an androgynous looking individual smoking a cigarette.

 

_“Dark twin, I stand in my gallery before your portrait and call, will you answer”?_

 

The portrait comes alive and exhales a gust of smoke and then speaks.

 

_“Hello Despair, I see she finally noticed the traces. Not much of a Hell Lord if you ask me, must be the lack of a soul. Ohhh, isn’t she feisty waving that sword about. Sheath it sister or I’ll feed it to you. Despair, may I cross over”?_

 

Illyana grimaced and her sword faded away.

 

Despair held out her hand _“Yes my twin you may enter”._

 

Desire’s hand reached out from the painting and took Despair’s hand and then all of Desire was present.

 

_“So it’s recompose she wants. Oh the lack of gratitude from the young of today. Well, I brought the gift”._

 

Desire reached into her/his suit pocket and pulled out something that was hidden in the clenched fist.

 

_“What she needs is some responsibility, something to care for. A… pet as it were. A puppy or a…”_

 

Desire’s hand opened reveling a small figurine of a naked female in a fetal position.

Both Desire and Illyana finished the sentence at the same time.

 

 _“Cat”_ Stated Desire.

 _"Cat"?_ Questioned Illyana.

 

Illyana’s eyes went wide with surprise and shock, and… and… other things.

 

Desire waved her hand a little as she/he continued to speak. _“Oh it’s her alright. Just after the moment of her death. You know, right after you snapped her neck”._

 

Despair spoke.

 

_“We pulled her from the dreaming, from your dreaming to be precise. We’ve cured her of that little full cat transformation that your… mentor did to her after he captured the two of you. Restored her to the cat woman form she had when the two of you were in the wilderness of Limbo. But… I think she’s in shock from all that he did to her. From all that he made her do. Kind of like you were after he was done doing... **THAT** to you”. _

 

Desire walked over to large table that had suddenly appeared and placed the figuring on the table. It then quickly grew to a life sized catatonic Cat. Desire stepped back.

 

_“There you go. Recompense and a pet. Enjoy”._

 

Illyana slowly walked up to the table and stared at Cat, then a teleportation disk appeared and whisked the two of them away.

 

 _“Humph, not even a think you”_ Desire muttered while taking another drag on her/his cigarette.

 

Unnoticed until now, Dream spoke from one the mirrors.

 

_“That was cruelly and crudely done Desire. Unnecessary and vicious”._

 

Desire breathed smoke out her/his nostrils and replied. “ _Yes it was. Need to keep the blade sharpened for the task. But cruel and vicious was taking her from the dreaming in such a state. Now I wonder why you did that”?_

 

Dream had an angry expression as he replied _“As you said. The knife needed to be honed to keep its edge”._ With that he faded away.

 

Desire cursed at the departed image of Dream.

 

_“Bastard. Pretending that he did not do his part in this little passion play”._

 

Despair patted Desire on her side as Despair replied.

_“He dislikes that desire and despair play such a role in the dreaming. But what are dreams but things we wish for or dread. The three of us are more entwined then he likes to believe”._

 

**END RECOLLECTION**

 

Illyana suddenly noticed that Cat had opened one eye and was looking at Illyana. Looking and not going into hysterics. Not screaming about… the things that Belasco had done to her. Not screaming about that things he had made her do. Not screaming about… well everything. Cat looked terrified but rational… well somewhat rational.

 

Illyana made no sudden moves. Just looked at Cat and asked a simple question.

 

_“Cat”?_

 

She did not try to go to Cat or touch Cat. Cat had… issues with touching. Issues that Illyana understood all too well.

 

Cat just stared at Illyana. Stared for hours it seemed. Stared and then finally went again to sleep.

 

Well, that might be an improvement Illyana thought. She kept wanting to bring in professional help, maybe a telepath. But she wasn’t sure. Wasn’t sure about so much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma patient treating trauma patient. Likely the therapy will not be by the book. Hmm, not sure where this story is going. Sometimes the characters take over.

**Part 3: Immersion therapy**

 

Cat slowly got better over the next week. She still did not speak but now she could drink and eat simple foods, but cringed and wept in terror at the close presence of Illyana. The both of them continued to remain in sealed stone room, at least as far as Cat was concerned. Illyana was always there when she woke up and remained there as long as Cat was awake.

 

Illyana decided it was time to try to release Cat. She carefully prepped some enchantments and then slowly walked over to Cat. Cat had a look of utter terror. Illyana rather suspected what was going to happen, suspected and prepared. She stopped ten feet from Cat and crouched down. With a simple word the straight jacket was released. It took a while for Cat to notice that her arms were no longer bound behind her.

 

With a tear the jacket was shredded and a now naked Cat lunged at Illyana. Illyana blocked Cat’s claws as they reached for her only to find Cat’s teeth tearing at her throat. Illyana was not able to give much of a scream as her larynx was torn out in a shower of blood. Illyana collapsed onto the ground while Cat proceeded to savaged her body. The attack went on for several long minutes before Cat suddenly scurried away and hid in her corner.

 

After a few more minutes a now healed Illyana sat up and tightly hugged herself.

 

_“Shit that hurts. Don’t know how wolverine manages to deal with it so nonchalantly. Cat I hope… that helped”._

 

Cat just stared, but now her face held something besides just terror. A hint of… puzzled recognition.

 

Illyana pushed herself back up against a wall and now stared back at Cat. She patted the stone floor next to her and lay down to go asleep.

 

Cat stared at the sleeping Illyana for hours. Several times she slight moved, only return to her corner. Then, she slowly, hesitantly, crawled over by Illyana and lay down five feet away from her. Cat continued to stare at Illyana until sleep to finally claimed her.

 

Cat awoke to find that stone room gone. She was lying down in a little clearing on sandy soil by a fire, Illyana was lying down on the other side of the fire watching her. It was night time and the stars were out. Cat immediately dashed away from the fire and found some bushes to hide in, roughly 100 feet away. She watched Illyana from the safety of the bushes. When Illyana did not move Cat ran for it.

 

Ran only to discover that she was in a circular canyon roughly 1000 feet wide with glass slick cliff faces. A small waterfall fell down one of the cliff faces to gather in a small pool with no exit. Cat was… confused. Confused and hungry. A small rabbit dashed past her only to quickly end up dead, gutted, and consumed.

 

Morning found Cat sitting in a tree watching Illyana by the fire. Illyana was now clothed in a light brown leather leotard with leather shoes. She was armed with a small sheathed dagger. Illyana got up, then lightly jogged to the small pond where she first stripped and then quickly bathed in the frigid waters. Cat warily crept after her, taking cover and hiding as she watched Illyana.

 

After bathing Illyana then went on a hunt for breakfast. Two small rabbits were unlucky. She expertly skinned and gutted them, then went back to the fire where she cooked one, but left one on a cooking splint on the other side of the little clearing by a bush. After a while a hand snagged the rabbit and vanished with it.

 

This routine went on for a week. Wake, wash, hunt, cook, sit, sleep.

 

After a week Illyana found wet footsteps leading away from the pond when she went for her morning bath. And Cat’s rather... pungent aroma was now gone. When she went back to her fire she also found a rabbit already cooking. She sat down and ate the rabbit once it was ready. She could see Cat’s eyes watching her from the bushes. Then Cat slowly crept forth to the opposite side of the fire and stared at Illyana.

 

Illyana pointed to herself and said _“Illyana”._ She then pointed to Cat and said “ _Cat”._

 

Cat stared back and then replied _“Nooooo, not… not… not Cat. Cat... Cat was a lie. He... He... He... showed me. Just Kat…. Kat… Katherine now”._

 

Then she looked utterly terrified that she had spoken and ran off.

 

Illyana poked the fire with the cooking stick. Better. Shards she was recovering faster then Illyana had recovered from **THAT**. But Cat had somebody who was caring for her. Illyana had been alone and abandoned. Where as here... well let’s just say anyone trying to harm Cat would find it to be the last decision they would ever make.

 

The day continued but Cat... no not Cat, Katherine spent the day in hiding.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat and Illyana did not part on friendly terms in the Magik limited series. I always thought that Illyana had massive survivor's gilt and deep pain over Cat. Cat strove to help Illyana only to find herself enslaved and horribly abused by Belasco. All the worse as her belief in her own self determination was now shown to her to have been an utter lie.
> 
> Oh, remember when you were little and all the hurts in the world could be fixed by a cookie? Sadly as we grow older the cookie has to keep getting bigger and bigger. So by the time we're adults we need a cookie the size of Mars to deal with the travails of this world.

**Part 4: Awakening to fear and disgust**

Katherine awoke. As with each awakening she froze. She was still safe... well not safe. Not being hurt kind of equaled being safe for now. But she was so not safe. Still trapped in whatever new game **HE** was playing with her. She was... alive _?how?_ and imprisoned with **HER**. The one who killed her. The one who had cost her everything.

 

She had spoke, shown that she was... well not whole but functioning. That she knew of herself and the past. That was it she had thought. Now it's over. Now **HE** pulls back the curtain so **HE** can gloat then hurt her and make her do things again and again and again and...

Katherine trembled and hugged her self and cried. Cried and was afraid.

 

Yet... nothing had happened. **HE** had not shown up. The day had continued and so had the night. She wished... Wished that someone was hugging her back again like when... Katherine paused in her tears. Like... how it had been for the past... the amount of time was unknown to her. But like when she felt her self being comforted while she had railed, screamed, cried, back when she was bound. Back when she was imprisoned in that small room with **HER**. Back when she awoke to realize what she had done, what had been done to her. How everything she had believed about herself had been shown to be an utter lie.

 

 **SHE** had tried to comfort her, but Katherine had cowered and wept whenever **SHE** was close. **SHE** felt like **HIM**. **SHE** smelled of **HIM**. **SHE** must either be **HIM** or be **HIS** tool. **HER** comfort attempts had to be a lie. But... other time she had been held from behind. The comforter unseen. That had... helped her. Had felt like Ororo has holding her then. Back when she and Ororo had first become lovers.

 

It has happened shortly after her transformation into Cat... No not Cat. Cat was gone. Cat was a lie. Back when she had been transformed into a cat like creature. She had so hated herself. Peter was dead and she was a monster. **HE** had played such a trick upon them. Ororo had held her through the night. Had stopped her from harming herself. Had shown her that she could still be loved.  

 

But now... She had cut Ororo down without a thought. Been nothing but **HIS** creature by that point in time. I hate myself, I so want to die. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate...

 

Why do I _?smell?_... can it be... chocolate ship cookie?

Katherine opened one eye and looked to her left. A very big chocolate ship cookie was sitting a plate next to her. With a glass of milk next to it. It was big, flat, and looked delightfully gooey and chewy. The glass had condensation on the sides, showing just how cold it was.

 

She hadn't had a chocolate chip cookie since... since... since she had been trapped in Limbo. Back at the mansion, back as Xavier's, back when she had been an X-Men she had loved such treats. Her secret late night binge in the privacy of her room. Alone and unseen by anybody.

 

Katherine reached out her left hand, hesitated, then picked up the cookie and took a small bite. Heaven. So good. Even better then she remembered. And the milk make it perfect.

 

Katherine felt... _?better?_ How was that possible? But she did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat lost so much. Friends, choice, life. What would she choose to do if it she was given a second chance? Would she even want it?

**Part 5a: Surprises and choices**

 

Katherine looked up and froze. She was under a lean-to now. She had gone asleep next to a tall tree that was surrounded by a dense and thorny bush, but now the top of the bush was gone and a crude lean-to covered her. Plus, there was now cloths hanging from the ceiling. Her old Limbo deep blue costume (minus any sword), a simple blue robe, and a pair of blue jeans with a casual white shirt.

 

Katherine quickly glanced around, seeing nothing else changed, then scampered up the tree climbing to the highest part she could reach (greatly aided by her retractable claws that are on both her hands and feet). Katherine looked over to where **SHE** was.

 

There was the fire, and there was a little trail that led from **HER** campsite to the falls. The now somewhat more distant falls. Before the falls and pool of water had been but a few hundred feet away. Now it was almost a half mile away. And the other cliffs were now several miles away. Before it had been a circular enclosure. Now it looked elliptical and much larger; Katherine's and **HER's** sleeping places now being close to the end of one side of the ellipse.

 

A stream now lead away from the pond and into the grasslands where she could see some gazelle like animals grazing in the far distance. **SHE** could also be seen. She was walking in the direction of falls. Looked like her origination point had been **HER** campfire.

 

Katherine climbed back down the tree and spent some time looking at the clothing. Looking and then deciding.

 

 

**Part 5b: First exchange**

 

Illyana came back from her shower to find Katherine sitting on a log on the opposite side of the small fire. She was dressed in the blue jeans and white shirt, her old Cat costume was burning on the fire.

 

Illyana sat down on stump that was on the other side of the small fire. Katherine stared at Illyana with a blank hidden expression. She occasionally sniffed the air scenting something. Illyana poked at the fire with a stick and stayed silent. Finally Katherine spoke after several false starts.

 

 _"Illyana..."?_ She asked with a questioning tone an a voice that was both rusty from disuse and strained from so many weeks of screaming

 

Illyana stared into the fire for a minute before answering. _"Kind of... Well, what's left of her I guess. You can call me Illyana or... Magik if you don't want to use her name. I'll understand"._

Katherine chewed upon the answer as it were. Illyana's statement was confusing, yet... Yet the statement sounded how she herself felt. What's left of me.

 

 _"Why? Why am... I here? How am I..."._ A gulp. _"Alive? What... What game is **HE** playing now"?_

_"No game. Just life. Oh, and **HE's** dead"._

Katherine snorted at the obvious lie. Then replied with a tone of utter despair.

 

_"Impossible. I... tried. Oro tried. Everybody tried. They all failed. It was... all a game to **HIM**. You... You can't kill the devil. You can't win either". _

Illyana continued to poke at the fire, moving the little pieces of unburned costume onto the coals.

 

_"Illyana did. Illyana beat him. Cast him out of Limbo and took his place. Then Illyana left. Escaped Limbo to return to earth, only to find that mere moments had passed for the X-Men"._

_"How... was that possible. How did she... accomplish it"?_

Illyana manifested her soul sword. The power blazed and roared before an astonished and terrified Katherine. Then the sword faded away.

 

Katherine backed away. _"I... I don't believe you. This is a just another cruel game. You're not real. This is all... all fake"._ Then turned and fled.

 

So went that day as Katherine waited for... for the cruel tricks to be reveled.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how would Illyana react to Cat returned?

**Part 6: Thunder**

 

Katherine was resting under the lean-to. It was now night but she did not feel sleepy. She... was terrified. At being. At living. At being her. At what she wanted to do to the supposed Illyana. At **HER**. She so wanted to lash out. Needed a target for the hatred. For... for everything.

 

She started and hugged the ground at a flash of lightning followed by the crash of thunder. The lightning had not struck the ground. Instead it was in the night sky, but there were no clouds in the sky, just stars. The sky kept erupting with lightning.

 

Katherine watched the sky for a few terrified minutes before recalling that being next to a tree was not the best of ideas in a lightning storm. Where the now grown up supposed Illyana resided was likely the safest spot, although safe might not be the right word.

 

Katherine ran to where Illyana's fire was. The fire was burning brightly and Illyana was standing and looking at the sky. She had a look of dark and cruel satisfaction upon her face. A look Katherine knew well. **HE** oh so often had that look. She so often was the recipient of... things when **HE** had that look.

 

Katherine stepped in the circle of light thrown by the fire. _"Illya... Magik, what is... happening"?_

Illyana turned from the sky. Her eyes were glowing golden with power.

 

_"Some... godlings are being reminded that bothering a Hell Lord in her own domain when she's put up a trespassers will be destroyed sign is not a good idea. They thought to take you and use you to... motivate me. They are learning that the wards I placed about this place are... potent, and very very lethal"._

Illyana looked... wild. The wind was blowing and her hair was streaming about. The lightning rose to a crescendo and then stopped, but now dozens of shooting stars rained down from the heavens, only to burn away before striking the ground.

 

Illyana had a smile of vindictive delight. _"There. All done"._

_"Their... gone?"_ wasKatherine's question.

 

 _"Yes"._ Was Illyana's simple reply.

_"Will they be... back"?_

 

There was finality of Illyana's tone.

 

_"No. Gone as in they exist no more. Nobody gets to hurt you again._ **Nobody...".**

 

Katherine still had her cat senses. Illyana's scent was strong, smoky. Smelling of wolf and gunpowder and spiciness. So much more and less than human. Smelling of things that so were not of the shape that stood before her.

 

_"What are you really? This... shape you wear is not... not your true shape"._

 

Illyana sighed and slowly shifted to her full Darkchilde form. Horns, goat hooves, devils barbed tail, long inciters, yellow glowing eyes, and a rather striking chain mail bikini.

Katherine hysterically screamed and fled.

 

_"You're **HIM**. **HIM**! **HIM** come to get me. No **No** **NO**. Please please don't hurt me again. I'll do anything,  anything you want just please don't hurt me anymore". _

Katherine was gone into the night. Just a last anguished _"Please..."_ left on the air.

Well that went as well as could be expected Illyana thought to herself. Had to come out as it were sometime. Shards I wished I knew what to do.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all make choices in life.

 

**Part 7: Revelations**

 

Hide, hide, hide. Hide from **HIM**. Hide from **HER**. HIDE!

 

Such were Katherine's thoughts and behaviors for the next week. Then, as nothing happened, she slowly began to stalk **HER** at a distance. Keeping downwind of **HER**. Plotting **HER** movements. **SHE** was back wearing the Illyana human form. But Katherine knew better. Knew what **SHE** was. Or so she thought.

 

Yet each day she awoke to a glass of milk and a treat. Sometimes a cookie. Sometimes a chocolate croissant. Once a slice of chocolate cake. Each day progressed. Nothing happened. Katherine stalked, hid, hunted, bathed and slept. And with passing day she was able to think better.

 

She decided. It utterly terrified her. It took her several days to do it as each time her courage fled and so did she.

 

Illyana awoke one morning to find Katherine again at the other side of her fire looking at her. Illyana slowly sat up.

 

_"Hello Katherine. How... are you"?_

 

Katherine stared at Illyana, her fear was so strong. _"Terrified"._

 

Illyana had a look of compassion. _"I'm... sorry. I'm... not very good at this. I don't know what to say to make it better"._

_"What... What is this"?_ Katherine gestured in a circle around her head indicating all of the surroundings.

 

_"An enchantment. A very strong one"._

_"Where... Who cast it"?_

_"I did"._

_"What... What does it do"?_ Katherine asked with despair in her heart.

_"I don't know"._ Was Illyana's answer.

 

Of all the answers Illyana could have given, that was not the one Katherine was waiting for. Her terror... paused. _"You don't? Who does"?_

Illyana poked the fire with a stick. _"Nobody does. Not even fate anymore. I think that might have been one of the reasons I did it"._

Katherine's senses told her that this Illyana was speaking the truth, but senses can be fooled. She oh so knew this. Bitter fear and despair filled her heart.

 

_"So I'm enchanted and trapped in your spell as your plaything"._

_"No Katherine"._ Illyana looked up and stared Katherine in the eyes.

_I'm enchanted and trapped in my spell. The only thing not enchanted is you. This..."_ Now Illyana waved her hand in a circle as well indicating the surroundings _"Is for you. I don't know what it does. It started with the room. It changes as you... change.   I don't know what will happen. You're not my plaything. I'm... I think I'm yours"._

 

 _"That's not possible"_ wasKatherine's denial. _"Why did you bring me back"?_

 

Illyana went back to staring at the fire.

 

_"I didn't. The... Well they are called the Endless. They brought you back, some of them, maybe all of them. I think... you were supposed to influence me in some way. They gave you to me. I don't know why but they called you my pet. I... don't want that. So much badness happened to you Katherine. I would never degrade you that way. You... you meant far too much to me"._

_"I... I found I couldn't help you. I tried so hard but I failed. If I knew how to help somebody after **THAT** had been done to them I'd... I'd be better at helping you I guess"._

Katherine caught Illyana's emphases on the word **THAT**. Yes, **THAT** described what had happened to her very well.

 

Illyana continued. _"So I... I did something. I talked with the Ladies. Asked one of the three questions granted to me. I don't know what it is I did other then I did something that would help you. Something that would give you a chance"._

 

Katherine got up to go. She... had much to think about. That and the fear was growing too strong, she needed to move. Needed to run, hid. Get away.

 

_"Why did you let me attack you"?_

_"Did it feel good"?_

_"Yes"_ A swallow from Katherine. _"It felt sooo good. I... I... the hatred found an outlet. A release. For a few seconds I felt like I was free. That I... had control of my life again. That... those who had harmed me were being punished"._

_"That's why"._

 

Katherine started to quickly walk away into the brush. Her hearing was very good. She heard Illyana's parting words

 

_"Illyana hated herself so much over you. I hate myself so much over you. You are never going to be my plaything. I think... I made that impossible to happen. You're not bound to me. I'm... I think I did the reverse, I bound myself to you. I'm not the master here. You are. Everything here is for you to use or... abuse. Everything"._

Katherine ran upon hearing those words. On hearing the implied promise in the tone. On the upwelling of darkness that rose in her heart.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, this is a dark chapter. Not what I was originally planning but Cat is so not happy with herself and fought my other story attempts. Oh and if you think Illyana is too emotional in this chapter, well remember she is under a self imposed enchantment and you don't know yet what she did to caste it.

**Part 8a: The hunt**

 

Katherine was not seen by Illyana for the next several days. She was either in hiding, or hiding from Illyana. Illyana continued her daily routine of waking, washing, hunting. On the fourth day Illyana decided to hunt gazelle. They were faster then her and weren't stupid enough to let her creep close. Illyana lacked a spear or any long distance throwing objects other then rocks so how was she going to bring one down? (No she didn't want to use magic, that would be... unfair, cheating as it were).

 

She decided she would run down the gazelle. Run down you say? But she's slower. How can something slower rundown something faster? The answer is the same way huntsmen today run down prey in Africa Serengeti. It's all about being in shape and having the endurance so you can run long distances at a steady pace. That, and having sweat glands, but mostly it's about the seat glands. Most herbivores don't sweat, heck neither do most predators. They cool themselves by panting. When you're panting you really can't run as running creates more heat then your panting removes.

 

Long term running down an animal is simple. You approach the herd at a steady pace. They run away disdainfully, silly human. You continue to pursue. They notice your approach and run away again. You continue to pursue. The animals are unable to fully cool down from each run before they need to run again. You have sweat glands; you cool yourself as you run. Repeat as needed. Eventually the animal gets heat stroke and is unable to run anymore. You than walk up to it and kill it. It can take hours, but it works.

 

Illyana had just gotten down to slicing the gazelle's throat when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see Katherine only two feet away running at her. Katherine had been stalking Illyana while Illyana hunted. Then, when Illyana was busy with the kill, she had raced in to surprise her. Illyana had no time to react before Katherine struck Illyana on the head with the rock she was holding in her right hand.

 

Illyana was knocked to the ground, stunned. Her last sight as she looked up was Katherine delivering a knockout punch.

 

**Part 8b: Questions are asked**

Illyana blearily blinked her eyes. She... hurt. Her head hurt. She tried to move but... her arms and feet... she couldn't more them. Illyana struggled briefly. Tied, she was tied up. Her hands were tied behind her back and her feet were tied together. After a few more blinks Illyana realized she was tied up next to her campfire and it was nightfall. She smelled something tasty sizzling in the fire (it was some chops from her gazelle being roasted).

 

Illyana was lying down on the ground but after a few tries, and a gasp of pain, she was able to sit up. Katherine was sitting on a log on the other side of the fire eating some roast gazelle and looking at Illyana. She had Illyana's knife and was using it to slice off small chunks of meat from a stick.

 

_"Well that took forever. You started to wake up on the way back here so I had to hit you again. Knocked you out longer then I thought. Comfy"?_

It was dark and the lighting of Katherine made her look ominous, scary. She also sounded scary and... detached.

 

" _No"._

 

Illyana was scared. Scared and... resigned. She hoped, would pray if she could, that this was not going to end badly for her. But in her heart she knew this was going to be bad.

_"Good. Time for some questions then"._

 

Illyana tested her bounds. Tight. Very tight. _"You don't have to tie me up. Anything you want to know I'll tell you"._

_"Yea... But this makes me feel better. Plus, I like how you smell. Scared, imprisoned, helpless"._

Katherine gestured with the knife. _"Talk. What happened after you... killed me? What happened to you? To... Ororo. To... **HIM** "._

Illyana licked her lips, then began to talk.

 

_"After she... I killed you, and killed Ororo before she could be sacrificed by **HIM** to the Elder Gods. **HE** then summoned a third bloodstone from her and banished her to a frozen wilderness that **HE** created out of Ororo's garden. She... she lived there for about a year. She grew as cold and harsh as her environment. She tried to follow Ororo's path. Tried so hard. But... she failed. Failed utterly. Then... she went mad. It... It was too much. In her madness she found her own path. A path to power. Creation of life was Ororo's symbolic metaphor of freedom. Illyana's symbol of freedom was more... violent. She created the soul sword and with it all fell before her.   She defeated **HIM** but let  him live. A decision that saved what was left of her soul. In his defeat Limbo became **HERS".**_

****

_"She'd defeated him. Was about to slay him. All the internal voices cried out to cut him down. But... it was a trap. A trap set by the Elder gods. He had been played as well by them. They liked her better. He but the holder of the tools to shape her into the creature they wanted. Mercy was the only way out of the trap for her. She let him live because... because killing him was the Fall, the affirmation that she was fallen. Ororo went that path and fell.. She escaped it. He... escaped, that was not foreseen by her"._

Katherine had disbelieving eyes.

_"I can smell **HIM** on you. If she defeated **HIM** they why do you smell so strongly of **HIM** "?_

_"You smell Limbo on me. Not **HIM** , not... not anymore. **HE'S** dead"._

_"How? And why do you keep talking of her as if she is not you"?_

_"I... my memories are... segmented I guess. Into before, which is her, and after which is... well me. I... I have issues. She... lived about four more years with the X-Men. At first she... hid that she had become a demon sorceress. She felt such shame that she had survived, at what she was. They learned, but still they let her abide with them. She made friends, sort of, and one true friend. Kitty, her roommate, the younger you that escaped Limbo. Then... then she fell. Made too many mistakes. In the end she found a way to... correct the mistakes by erasing herself from existence. Killing herself. Then years later..."_

A look of utter hatred possessed Illyana's face.

_"Belasco had regained control of Limbo. He wanted his little blond toy back. He... shards, He was in love with her. He summoned her as He thought she yet lived. She didn't. Instead of getting her He accidently ended up creating me. All that she was at the moment of her death, minus a soul and imprisoned in the demonic body she had died in. He was not... pleased with what he ended up with. He... did... things to me. Did... did... did **THAT**. There was nothing really left of her by the time He was done. He cast me out to die but I somehow lived. Lived and killed Him after an eternity of hiding in fear in the far wastelands of Limbo". _

Katherine coldly listened.

 

Illyana searched Katherine's eyes, they were... angry, hateful.

 

_"She never forgave herself for what happened to you. That, and how she behaved the one time that you tried to reach out. She panicked. You terrified her. She was so afraid that your fate was her destiny. She drove you away with the very first expression of non ritualize magic she ever did, and then lived with the guilt and horror of what she did to her dying day"._

Katherine's looked into the fire.

 

_"I hated you. Hated you so much at the end. I... still do. I lost everything when I got trapped in Limbo. Humanity, Peter, my friends. Then... When **HE** captured the two of us **HE** taught me that everything I thought about myself was a lie. I was... had been **HIS** slave the entire time. Then **HE** took away the illusion that I had choices. **HE** made me... Cat in mind as well as form. With just enough left of me so I would suffer. Then... **HE** made me do things, did things to me. For years. That time when you drove me away, when I tried to reach out, that's when I truly lost what little was left of me. I was all gone by the time I cut Ororo down in the battle where you... snapped my neck"._

Katherine raised her gaze to Illyana's, and Illyana quailed at what she could see

 

_"I want you to end this. Cancel the enchantment. I... I don't want to be. To exist. I tried to end myself and... and I heal. I can't end this. You can"._

 

Illyana resigned herself to what was to come. _"I can't Katherine"._

Katherine slowly pulled a burning branch from the fire, the end glowing red hot. Then she stood, the branch was in her left hand, the knife in her right hand.

 

_"Yes. I think you can, and will"._

 

Illyana tried to explain. _"I can't. The enchantment has a life, a purpose of its own. This is, in part, giving you back control over your life. Give you choices. Only you can end it"._

 

Katherine began to walk around the fire. _"How"?_

 

Illyana watched Katherine approach _"I don't know. If I did then the enchantment would not have been needed"._

Katherine stood over Illyana. _"I don't believe you"._

 

Katherine began to slowly, methodically, torture Illyana.

 

**Part 8c: Suicide by cop**

The... the pain went on for a long time. It was not pretty. It was not nice. Katherine had few questions. Illyana had but two answers. There was pain for each answer Katherine did not like, and she didn't like any of the answers.

 

...

_"Tell me how to end the spell"._

_"I' can't"._

_"Tell me how to get out of here"_

_"I can't"_

_"Tell me how to kill myself"_

_"I can't"_

_"Kill me"!_

_"I won't"_  

_..._

It went on and on. Illyana's ability to heal was a curse. It just let the torture go on and on and on and on...

 

After a long while it degraded into just a simple screaming demand from Katherine.

 

_"Kill me"!_

_"I won't"_  

 

_"Kill me"!_

_"I won't"_  

 

_"Kill me"!_

_"No. Never. Never again."_  

 

_Kill me"!_

_"No! I won't. You can't make me. Nobody can make me! Never, never again!"_  

 

_"Kill me"!_

_"I won't"_  

...

...

 

Finally Katherine threw the dagger away in rage and despair and used her claws. She slashed. She cut. She tore. Always the same demand. Always the same answer. Eventually Katherine ceased to ask questions and just went into a killing frenzy.

 

It was as if Illyana's physical presence somehow embodied all that had been done to Katherine. Gave her a target to lash out at. Somebody to hurt as she had been hurt. Somebody to punish. A victim to slaughter again and again and again...

 

In the end, and there was finally an ending, there was nothing left of Illyana but bloody bones and something that could still somehow scream.

 

Many hours later, in fact too many hours later, for the sun had yet to rise and it felt like days had passed, Katherine was again sitting on one side of the fire watching her... handiwork slowly heal.

 

The ground was soaked in blood. The surrounding covered with... bits of Illyana. Cut bit, burnt bits, clawed bits. The bits did not... come back together, new bits grew to replace that which had been cut, burnt, torn away. Finally a naked but now mostly healed Illyana sat up and clutched herself. Clutched herself and screamed.

 

Katherine herself was drenched head to toe in drying blood.

 

More hours passed. Katherine just watched. Finally Illyana's screams died down into just whimpers.

 

 _"Explain"_ was Katherine harsh demand. _"Explain can't verse won't"._

 

Illyana panted and then tried to raise her head, but she couldn't meet Katherine's gaze. She replied with a rushed and hysterical tone.

 

_"I can't tell you something because I don't know. It's... gone. It was all about fate. I did something that the ladies told me how to do. You have choices. I don't anymore, at least not in most things. Please don't hurt me any more, please please please don't! I've told you everything"._

The pleading both pleased Katherine, made her feel... feel like she was in change. Powerful, like she had some control. The pleading also remaindered her of... of bad things, bad times. Of her own unheard pleas. Of... of being something that she didn't want to be.

 

_"Who are the ladies"?_

_"Fate, They are an incarnation of fate. You... you can get three questions. I spent one of my questions. I told you before. They told me... they told me how to do it. But I don't know what it is any more"._

_"Won't, You still haven't explained won't"._

Illyana bowed her head and hid it against her knees. _"Won't means I won't do it. I still have that... ability. That... choice"._

 

_"So you can kill me"._

 

A muffled _"Yes"._

 

_"But you won't"._

 

Another muffled _"Yes"._

 

 _"Why"?_ Was Katherine's agonized plea. _"Why do you still have choice when you said this enchantment took away your choices. Why won't you kill me. Why did you let me keep doing THAT to you. Why didn't you stop it"?_

 

Illyana was silent.

 

**"WHY"!**

A soft reply. _"Because it won't mean anything if I can't chose. That's what happened to you. No choices. I failed you, failed you so badly when you reached out. Sorry means nothing if it has no price"._

Katherine was... was not happy. Not happy about a lot of things. She was supposed to be dead by now. Now... now was not a nice place and the sought for death did not appear to be making an appearance. Now was just the ashes of her plan, although it wasn't ashes that covered her. It was...

 

_"You know... I'm going to keep hurting you until you kill me"._

 

Another muffled _"Yes"_ as Illyana began to cry.

 

_"And..."?_

Illyana sobbed. Raised her head. Wiped her tears, and spoke _"Everything I have is yours Katherine. To use or abuse. For so long as you wish. Everything. That is my... choice"._

Katherine was... frustrated and horrified. This was not how it was supposed to work out.

_"You're crazy"._

_'I know"._

_"No, I mean you're really crazy"._

_"Again I know. I'm... broken, parts of me don't work anymore or... or are missing"._

A bitter snort from Illyana. _"All of Belasco's horses and all of Belasco's men didn't find all of the pieces when **HE** put Darkchilde together again. I won't kill you Katherine. I won't harm you. You were the reason she survived the first time, you were the reason I survived after **THAT** was done to me. My first rational thought after I... after a long time spent hiding in a cave, was that I killed the one thing that loved me. You. I hate myself so much. It defines me. If hurting me is all that I can offer you, then... then... that's all I get". _

Katherine just stared at Illyana. Illyana continued to hide her head and waited for the next round of evisceration.

 

More hours passed, then the sky gradually lighted. Illyana raised her head. Katherine was gone.

 

Fled.

 

Illyana hid her head again and cried.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: Why is Illyana so passive in this story? Well, I've found that many Kitty/Illyana stories always have Kitty as the submissive/passive one and Illyana as the dominant/alpha. Yes Illyana is a dominant/alpha, but if you read the original X-Men and New Mutants comics you will find that Kitty was the hot headed one in the friendship and Illyana was the passive one. I tend to think that Illyana's relationship behavior changes for those she truly loves. There are only three people who fit that level of love. Kitty, Peter, and likely Cat. Illyana had friends, which she liked having, but only those three ever truly breached the walls Illyana erected about herself.

 

Illyana also showed a profound aggression when defending what she considered her own. In New Mutants 15 she decided to basically kill everybody at the Massachusetts academy if she decides that Kitty has been harmed. A decision she never carried out because she never found any such harm. This again reinforces the less dominant behavior in such a relationship. Illyana perceives herself as having more to lose, which I believe is proven if you examine Illyana/Kitty interactions back in the original X-Men and New Mutants.

 

Cat raised Illyana for several years and trained her as well. Kitty, a younger Cat, re-acclimated Illyana to humanity. Both of those relationships were situations were Illyana was the passive component, not the dominant; apart from killing Cat that is.

 

Some possible ideas for those writers who create Illyana/Kitty romantic fan fiction, reverse the roles and see what happens.

**Part 9: Bleak mourning**

 

Katherine found herself staring at nothing. She was back in her hideaway, under the lean-to next to the tree. She had been sitting there... she didn't know how long she has been sitting there. She'd returned when it was still dark, but now the sun was high in the sky.

 

She looked down at her hands, they were covered in dried blood. So was her arms, legs, head, hair, clothing... in short her entire body was encrusted with dried blood.

 

Katherine started to shiver. She'd done... She'd done.... She'd tried to kill herself by making Illyana kill her. She'd... oh GOD she'd... That wasn't supposed to have happen that way. Illyana was supposed to have ended it by ending her. She'd... She'd lost it in the end, went berserk.

 

Katherine clutched herself as the shivering got worse. I... I... I... did **That**. I did **That** to somebody. I did **That** to.... her.

 

Suddenly Katherine started to run. Clean. Need to be clean. I'm... not clean. Can never be clean. Oh God, I'm covered in her!

 

The grimy cloth rubbed against Katherine as she fled.   Katherine stripped as she ran to the falls. Discarding the befouled clothing. Falling to her knees and vomiting up chewed and unchewed flesh. Hoping that the meat was gazelle, but not knowing. Not Knowing!

 

At last she reaches the falls and plunges into the pond. She hysterically scrubs herself, rubbing herself raw in spots, cutting herself in a few times as well as when she accidently extends her claws.

 

Finally she was cleaned of the blood, but oh so not clean. Not clean.

 

Katherine stood in the pond and shivered. Shivered from the cold of the water. Shivered from shock. Shivered from what she had done.

 

Then... Then she felt a warm current, she looked to her left. There was now small little pond next to the big pond. Apparently a hot spring had bubbled to life in the night. She half walked half swam over to the output of water from the hot spring. The ground was covered in half inch sized pebbles and the water was only two'ish feet deep. She could sit down upon the pebbles and her head would be above water.

 

The heat was delightful, well would have been delightful if Katherine was able to feel much. At this point she was in deeply in shock. The heat helped. It calmed most of the shivers over time. Katherine sat in the flow of hot water and shed tears without crying.

 

After what seemed like hours, yet the sun had not moved, Katherine sensed movement out of the corner of her left eye. She turned and saw Illyana at the shore, right by the small hot spring pond. Illyana was dressed in a new set of leather leotards, Katherine had cut off and burned the other ones the night before.

 

Katherine ducked her head down until just the top of her head was above water. Illyana was kneeling at the shore with her head bowed, eyes closed. Waiting. Crap, waiting for Katherine. With an internal sigh of pain Katherine stood up and walked out of the comforting warm of the water.

 

She both sensed and saw Illyana tense up as she approached. There was a dagger lying on the ground by Illyana's knees. Katherine stood naked and dripping before Illyana and stared down. Illyana was fully healed. Unscarred, without a blemish. The smell of fear filled the air and awoke things within Katherine, things that had so enjoyed what she had done, wanted to do again.

 

Illyana slowly moved her right hand and took up the knife blade first and offered the hilt to Katherine who grasped it with her right hand. Illyana released the blade, and continued to kneel before Katherine like some kind of sacrifice. Knelt and trembled, waiting for Katherine to begin again.

 

Katherine stroked Illyana's face with the knife's blade, eliciting a gasp of fear.

 

 _"Ready for round two"?_ Was Katherine's harsh question.

 

 _"No..."_ was Illyanas reply as she started to hyperventilate.

 

 _"But you're going to let me do it aren't you"_ something evil in Katherine asked.

 

 _"...yes..."_ was Illyana whispered reply as she started to cry.

 

_"Again and again and again until you either end me or time itself ends"._

_"...yes..."_ was again Illyana whispered reply. Her body tensed for the ordeal to come as she started to softly chant.

 

 _"Won't do it... won't do it... won't do it... won't..."_.

 

Her chanting was suddenly interrupted by a splash. She opened her eyes. Katherine had turned and thrown the dagger into the pond.

 

Katherine turned back, walked a few steps away from Illyana, turned and squatted down.

 

_"I think.... I think... I think we need to talk... Illy... Illyana. Really talk"._


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10: Words**

Katherine was leaning back against one side of the little hot spring, although it was more like a really large hot tub then a spring. The walls were smooth stone with an underwater shelf, of varying height, that ran along the edge of the pond. The floor of the pond was more of the same smooth round pebbles that were in the outflow into the main pond. The hot water bubbled up between the stones.

 

Katherine was on one side of the small pond, Illyana was on the other side of the pond, roughly fifteen feet away.

 

The water felt good. Soothing. Katherine's head, shoulders and breasts were above the water, her nipples above water level showing about half an under boob. Illyana was tucked in the water, beasts submerged with just the top of her shoulders above water. She wouldn't meet Katherine's eyes, instead she kept staring at the water.

 

Katherine was... less afraid. She still was terrified of so many things, but the fear no longer controlled her, it had... receded. When she looked at Illyana she still felt a rush of terror, but now there were other feeling, overtones of power, of satisfaction, of vengeance, of... darker things. Things that made her feel... well no longer helpless. Plus, there were other feelings as well. Shame was one. Self loathing was another. She'd... she'd done things to Illyana. Things she was far from coming to grips with.

 

Katherine sniffed the air again. The smell of Belasco was gone from Illyana. Yet a trace of his stench was still in the air and she knew it's source, it came from Katherine now and that really terrified her. What did that mean? What did that imply? What did that make her?

 

Illyana was hunched over, eyes downcast and the smell of terror from her was so delicious, so intoxicating, so tempting. All she had to do was reach out and...

 

No!

 

No.

 

Not That again. Never that again. The scent was also so... shaming. It hurt something in Katherine.

 

Katherine had a small epiphany about Belasco. He'd been much less then an all powerful devil. He'd been petty and cruel in ways to enhance his own sense of power. Yes, he had had vast power, but he lorded it over those unable to resist. He was... a small man inside. Forever hurting others so he could feel big. He had told many lies. And so many of his victims believed all of those lies.

 

Katherine now knew why Ororo had never left Limbo. Cat had been unknowingly bound to Belasco and never would have departed Limbo on her own and would have forever fought to return. Ororo had stayed, stayed and learned magic; likely in part in an attempt to free Cat. She had stayed for Cat and had ultimately died in Limbo. Died in an attempt to save Illyana and likely Cat as well.

 

Katherine eyed Illyana. She seem... diminished. Smaller somehow. She froze or flinched ever time Katherine made a sudden movement. And she had a look in her eyes that... that was odd. Like she was confused. The look of a wounded animal that didn't know how to stop the pain from an injury it couldn't under stand.

 

Katherine's shivering had finally passed, but now she noticed Illyana was beginning to shiver. Well, time to talk I guess and it look's like it's up to me to start the conversation Katherine thought.

 

_"Am I ever going to be able to die? Kill myself? End all of this"?_

Illyana still would not meet Katherine's eyes, she spoke to the surface of the pond.

 

_"Yes... I think. Once the spell is done. Once... once it is a real choice and not just you trying to run away"._

_"Tell me... tell me about yourself Illyana. Who are you? What did you become? What is your story? Start from... from when I died. Tell me all of it this time"._

Illyana shifted herself slightly, then began to speak. She spoke of:

 

Killing Ororo to prevent Ororo from being sacrificed to the Elder gods.

Of her times in the frozen wilderness that Belasco had exiled her to as punishment for defying him.

Of finally going mad with grief and rage at the death of Oak and the forging of the soul sword.

Of the blaze of power as all the bindings were shredded.

The battle and defeat of Belasco, where she let him live, thereby escaping a greater trap set by the Elder gods.

 

Of her return from Limbo and reuniting with the X-Men, how only moments had passed for them but seven years for her.

Of their concerns and fears about her. If only they had know just how valid those fears were.

Of the professor's inability to read her mind, she had so much to hid.

Her friendship with Kitty, how she could lay the word at her feet and it would not begin to repay what Kitty's friendship meant to her.

Lockheed and the dragon games that they had played.

 

Reawaked sorcery and remembering all that had truly happened to her in Limbo.

Of realizing she was Limbo's Magnus, its new ruler.

Of hate and suspicion and hypocrisy from the New Mutants. And yet friendships as well.

Adventures and misadventures with the New Mutants.

Of death at the hands of the Beyonder; death, resurrection, and slavery.

 

Of betrayal by the Professor, forced to take up her evil against her will.

Peter's death and Kitty's inability to unphase.

Loneness and growing despair, everything going wrong, slowly going mad.

Inferno and meeting a reborn Peter and the resulting shame. The utter self loathing of what she had become.

Her suicide to end Inferno, erasing herself from existence.

Resurrection at the hands of Belasco. Now she was trapped in a demon form.

Of... of... of... **THAT.** Her mind and body in tatters.

Madness and fear and hiding in the far fringes of limbo were time ran so fast.

Of... of Cat and how Cat had been all that she had.

Realizing that she had killed Cat and that she must be in hell because she deserved it.

 

Rage and pain and madness; the void of soul loss driving her.

Of harming Megan to create a blood stone and a soul dagger.

Killing Belasco.

Of being called snowflake and remembering that Peter yet lived and now stood before her. Again the shame, the shame of her deeds and what she was.

Banishing them all from Limbo, running away from what she now was.

Regaining her soul sword and human form.

 

Of her attempt to remain with the X-men.

Hate and rejection and black despair.

Of finding Kitty gone, presumed dead, the final trigger to a massive panic attack.

Golden Gate bridge and what happened there.

 

Her journey in search of her bloodstones and Witchfire.

Strange events and bizarre worlds.

The Endless and the return of Cat.

 

Of.. something now forgotten. Choices. Choices made.

 

Illyana's shivering had gotten much worse by the time her story was done. Her teeth sometimes clattering.

 

 _"You don't appear to be soulless"._ All of Katherine's experiences with Illyana did not show an unfeeling person, just the opposite in fact.  

_"Fake, it's all fake"_ was Illyana's reply, her tone empty. _"The enchantment allows me to be... what is needed; but only for the duration of the enchantment. I'm not... Nott... **NN..NO.O..TT...T**...". _

Illyana stopped talking, her teeth clattering. Her body shaking with the shivering and causing small ripples in the pond.

Katherine eyed Illyana. She looked... sick? Katherine realized suddenly that Illyana wasn't shivering, she was... convulsing and the convulsions were getting stronger. Illyana's eyes rolled back and she went into full body spasms as she slipped beneath the water.

 

 _"Illyana"!_ Cried Katherine as she lunged across the pond to pull the flailing and writhing Illyana from the water. Blood was pouring from Illyana's mouth. Her tongue was trapped between her teeth and the convulsions were causing her to chew it off.

 

Katherine pried open Illyana's mouth. Stick, I need a stick! Something to shove in her mouth. Nothing! Nothing in sight! In desperation Katherine shoved the back of her hand between Illyana's jaws and screamed in pain as Illyana's teeth tore into her flesh.

 

Katherine dragged Illyana' flailing body from the pond and clutched Illyana's body to her until the convulsions finally ended; leaving her with an unconscious Illyana.

 

Her body's icy cold thought Katherine, like something's stolen all the life.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extreme trauma is always an effort to write. Cat, now Katherine, has a lot to deal with. It is no surprise that she might not react well. 
> 
> In the comics the characters always recover so quickly, unless the story line is that it takes whatever the plot line time indicates. I've been very pleased with Marvel's Illyana 2.0 character development in that her story has been linear and progressive.

**Part 11: Night Mares**

 

Illyana was lying on her side with Katherine spooned against her back. They were both naked and Katherine was desperately trying to warm Illyana.

 

They were under the some blankets that that Katherine had found, oh so conveniently, back at her lean-to. Damn she hated this enchantment. Author's note, this is the classic way to treat hypothermia, covers and full body content with somebody or somebody's who are warm. Oh and if you think it's erotic then try cuddling naked with a side of beef in a refrigerator and you'll quickly change your mind.

 

Illyana was in a bad way. Very bad. Her body was cold and slick with icy sweat. She continually shivered and would resume convulsing if Katherine was not touching her body.

 

 _“Why am I doing this?”_ was a refrain that kept going thought Katherine’s head. “ _I hate her. Don’t I? Why am I helping her_ ”?

 

She had found that she couldn't just leave her at the pond; she was thinking clearer, much clearer and... and was not happy with her deeds. Not happy, that's an understatement, like describing having your arm cut off as a flesh wound.

 

Her early burning hatred was frayed and faded, like a shirt that had been worn and washed too many times. Like old coals that had lost their source of combustion. Katherine realized that she'd been fixated on Illyana, and suspected that the spell had somehow encouraged it. Choices Illyana had said. The enchantment returned the ability to have choices to Katherine, but Illyana apparently had somehow lost choices.

 

Well I guess helping her is a choice Katherine thought. Probably a better choice then the one's I've been making.

 

After a long while Illyana started to convulse even with Katherine pressed against her. She also started talking to herself and weeping. She smelled of so much fear and pain. She smelled... smelled like Katherine had smelled.

 

_“Stop! Please stop! It’s me! It’s Illyana! Please stop Peter! Please…I’ll do anything… **Anything** ”! _

 

The talking finally stopped and so did the convulsions as Illyana went still.

 

The contrast of the Illyana of just a few days ago and this was stark. Illyana had been scary, filled with power when she wanted to be. Crap, she'd supposedly fried intruding gods for crying out loud. Now... now she reminded Katherine of when she had been only eight and they had huddled together at night for warmth. Back when Katherine had kidnapped her from Ororo and fled into the wilderness of Limbo. Where she had spent several years training Illyana physically and combat arts. God the girl had been good with a dagger by the end.

 

Suddenly there was a horrified and intense **_“no”_** whispered by Illyana and her body went taunt, then she screamed and went into convulsions so extreme Katherine could feel bones breaking as Katherine tried to restrain Illyana. Illyana’s muscles were clenching so tight that she was wrenching her body apart. Belasco's smell was back, it was pouring out of Illyana’s body, as well as the smell of utter terror. **THAT** , this must be when **THAT** was done to Illyana.

 

With this set of convulsions Illyana’s body went slack, less of a body now and more a broken sack of meat and bones. She started making soft animal mewing sounds of distress, like a broken child. Belasco’s smell was gone, replaced by the smell of pain and blood and... and utter loss.

 

Katherine desperately tried to think of something to do, but she could come up with nothing other then to hold Illyana and stroke her hair. As she continued to spoon against Illyana she should could feel the broken bones slowly knitting back together.

 

So it's going to be another long night Katherine thought to herself. It had already been dark for far too long, like when she had... had hurt Illyana. No, don't call it hurt, be honest with ourselves thought Katherine. Tortured the shit out of her in an attempt to get her to kill me. Ever since then Katherine had found herself thinking more clear and distinct. She'd... she'd been able to step away from what had been done to her. Like a giant cyst of pain and hurt and anguish had been drained.

 

Drained? Crap! Katherine suddenly remembered something else that Illyana had said. That Illyana had bound herself to Katherine but as the submissive side of the binding. Katherine was now able to think past the trauma, now able to think and live beyond.... beyond **THAT**.

 

Katherine recalled what she knew of such things, from Ororo and from what she had observed from her time of slavery to Belasco. The dominant side of the binding gains and the submissive side sacrifices. But she'd never seen a voluntary binding. What... side affects might there be?

 

Wait there was one type of voluntary binding that she knew of. A familiar, Ororo had had one once. Oak. Oak had not only been Ororo's symbolic victory over Belasco's bindings, but her powers has been linked to Oak as well. As Oak had grown so had Ororo's control over a portion of Limbo.

 

What had Katherine gained? She didn't feel magical or filled with power. But... she felt... like herself. Soiled, stained, but Katherine now. Restored to at least a partially healthy mental state. Crap, Katherine concluded. It hadn't been just torture; it had been a transfer ritual. She'd inadvertently performed some kind of exorcism and had likely transferred a portion of her own trauma upon Illyana; as well as adding a really big additional helping fof new trauma.

 

After far too long Illyana stopped mewing like a broken thing and was silent for a time.

 

Illyana’s body began to warm up. Then she whispered a name. _“Cat”._ She sounded… happy. _“Cat… Cat…Cat, Cat Cat…”._

Illyana had spoke of drawing figures of Cat and even making a totem of her. Katherine now had an inkling, not quite sure how but likely tied to the binding, that Illyana had unknowingly endowed her makings with power. Power that just might have created a type of crude healing environment.

 

Suddenly her body started to get colder and her happy chants turned ugly, filled with self reproach and anguish.

_“Cat gone… Dead. Bad… I’m… bad… Me…did it. Killed Cat… Bad…I’m... I’m being punished because… I’m… bad”._

But the environment had been disrupted, the totem destroyed. And Illyana had remembered what she had done but not the context of the act. Katherine was no magic user, no magi. But she had lived off and on with Ororo for many years. Undirected magic could be very dangerous and Katherine now had an inkling like the power had been redirected from healing to self damnation.

 

Illyana’s body tensed up. _“Hate. Hate the Father. Hurts, so many hurts. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. **Kill him!** …”._

 

Then her body untensed. A word whispered. _“Snowflake”?_ Then another word _“Brother”?_

 

Illyana's body went rigid and she began to thrash about as she cried out in shame and disgust.

 

_“No! No! **NO**! I’m… Oh gods what was I? What have I become?! No, no can’t face him. Can't face them! Noooooo”!_

Shame. Katherine understood shame. She felt such shame about herself, at her transformation by Belasco first into Cat and then later into his slave. Such self loathing over what she'd been reduced to, what Belasco had made her do, had done to her. She'd wanted to die, but it was forbidden. She had to serve him, hate him yet all the while she had loved him so very much. Loved the Master. She'd broken slightly loose only once, only to be rejected by Illyana.

 

Illyana lay there for a long time. Sometimes jerking as if reaction to some unknown memory or event, then she started talking again in an anguished tone.

 

_Cat? Cat! No, no no **no!** Broken, I… I can’t fix this. I can't even fix… me”. _

 

Then the tone changed. Became a demand. Almost a command., yet pleading _“How? That is my question. How? You know what I speak of. How can she be healed of mind and body”?_

Must be the Ladies she spoke of thought Katherine.

Then with a tone of relief, _“Cat… No, no longer Cat… Katherine”._

Oh crap. If Illyana is reliving things that that meant that...

 

It started gently. Mild trembling, that slowly grew in intensity into thrashing and convulsions. All the while Illyana kept saying two words. _"Can't.... Won't.... Can't... Won't..."_ It was almost as bad as when Illyana's convulsions had broken her bones during the reliving of **THAT**. Bones didn't break this time, but her flesh was torn due to muscles wrenching themselves from her very bones. In the end it was just Illyana screaming for a very long time.

 

By now Katherine's prior feelings of power and achievement had turned to bile and acid in both her mouth and soul. This was so not what she had wanted. She finally spoke to Illyana and again stroked her hair as Illyana screamed.

 

_"I'm... sorry Illyana. Sorry. Please... please stop. I'm sorry..."_

After an eternity Illyana was quiet and again Katherine could feel her body heal. Warmth slowly returned to Illyana's body.

 

In the end Katherine fell asleep still spooned against a now sleeping Illyana.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been awhile since I did any Cat's Cradle writing. Wanted to get the Anita Blake story done. Choices and outcomes, leading to more choices and more outcomes. Hmm, why choices were so important?

**Part 12: A beginning**

It was morning and the sun was shining. Katherine slowly awoke, she was warm and comfy and for the first time since... like forever she did not awake scared.

 

She found herself spooning with Illyana, Illyana being on the inside of the spoon, still under the covers and softly snoring . Illyana was warm and... Katherine froze, her left arm was draped over Illyana and her left hand was holding a... breast. Definitely a breast, felt like a C cup.

 

Katharine slowly let go of the breast and withdrew her arm. She lifted up the covers slightly, yea they were both still naked. Katherine glanced around, new clean clothing was hanging from the ceiling of the lean-to. The white shirt and jeans that she had worn, and Illyana's leather leotard.

 

Illyana stopped snoring and made a slight snorting sound; then she tensed up. Katherine could tell that Illyana was now awake. Before she could say anything, not that she actually had anything to say at this point, Illyana asked a quiet question.

 

_"Cat? Where are we? Where did the cave go"?_

 

Cave? What the heck is she talking about? Katherine briefly answered while trying to think of what to say about what had happened to Illyana.

 

_"Katherine, not Cat. Don't call my Cat anymore"._

 

Illyana was silent for a few seconds and then replied. Her scent held confusion.

 

_"Ok, but why"?_

 

_"Because I'm not Cat anymore"._

 

 _"Ok. Umm, is this another test"?_ Even more confusion in the scent and tone.

 

Now Katherine was as confused as Illyana smelled. Illyana spoke of a cave, let's start with that.

 

_"Where did you think we where Illyana"?_

 

_"In the cave. Today we were going to climb the rock outcropping to Belasco's tower and you were going to try to take me home"._

Huuu? Thought Katherine, that's not where we where we where... Illyana's statement both confused her and awoke memories. Yes... they had been in a cave just before that accent to Belasco's castle.

Katherine could feel Illyana shift and as Illyana partially moved the blanket back from where it covered her. Illyana froze again and her scent turned to panic but she did not cry out or move in any way.

 

The back of Katherine's mind noted this and was proud. It had taken over a year of training before Illyana would never cry out in surprise or shock. Rather hard training on Illyana. But Illyana's next comment was not the comment that Katherine was expecting.

 

 _"Ca.. Katherine. What happened to me. I... I got ...big"._ Then a squeak of unpleasant discovery _. "And hairy. There's hair down... there"._

 

Illyana suddenly turned over to look at Katherine.

_"And you've gotten... smaller"!_

Illyana had a stunned and panicky look on her face. She glanced up at the lean-to ceiling and then glanced back to Katherine.

 

_"What happened? To me? To the cave? Where are we"?_

Katherine didn't really know how to answer.

 

Illyana appeared to have lost her memories. Lost the memories leading up to the enslavement of them both by Belasco and... and what had happened after that. An interesting coincidence and one thing Katherine was beginning to really understand was that there was no such thing as coincidence in this spell. But was the memory loss caused by the spell, or was it caused by what Katherine had done to Illyana?

 

Great, I tortured the crap out of Illyana and now she's had some kind of breakdown and has regressed to a point in time where everything that was bad hasn't happened yet. Let's see, that would make Illyana roughly... nine years old.

 

Illyana looked about and continued with the questions.

 

_"Is it safe? Is it... Belasco? Cat why won't you talk to me"?_

Katherine tried to come up with an answer. An honest answer.

 

_"You've... lost your memory Illyana. The cave, the castle... that happened a long time ago. It... didn't work. That's in the past. You grew up and... and a lot happened"._

Illyana looked at Katherine with a confused and scared look. _"What happened"?_

Oh boy. How to explain this?

 

Katharine tried as best as she could to explain what had happened to both of them at Belasco's hands (a very heavily edited version, as you just don't go into detail about some things to a mental nine year old). Illyana... did not take it well. She was horrified to learn what happened to Katherine. She cried and hugged Katherine in that unrestrained way a child does. Which of course made Katherine feel even more guilty.

 

Katherine then explained that she and Ororo had died years later (again leaving out the details, one of which being that Illyana had killed them both) and that Illyana had escaped Limbo after defeating Belasco a year after that and had become a powerful sorceress. But that something very bad had happened to Illyana four years later at Belasco's hands (leaving out Illyana's death, re-creation, and **THAT** , but telling Illyana that Illyana had then killed Belasco) and that Illyana had been... well damaged but was recovering.

 

Then some entities had given Illyana the reborn Cat, now Katherine, to care for as she was insane. Illyana had created an enchantment to heal Katherine of her madness, but in that healing Katherine had hurt Illyana very very badly and Katherine was really really sorry; and that the hurt had somehow caused Illyana to lose her memories.

 

Katherine left in why she had hurt Illyana, they she had been trying to get Illyana to kill her. Katherine felt that she had to share that. That this Illyana needed to know that Katherine had done very bad things to her.

 

Illyana had cried several times while Katherine told her story. Mostly about Katherine and not really about anything that happened to Illyana.

 

Illyana didn't really appear to grasp the full details but she summed it up quite well.

 

_"So I'm all grown up now and we're trapped in a fairy tale"._

Katherine had to agree that it was a good way of putting it.

 

With that Katherine got up and retrieved her new clothing. Illyana's eyes followed her briefly then looked around the lean-to. Katherine heard Illyana give a slight gasp of surprise.

 

Katherine turned. Behind where Katherine had been sitting was a plate containing two chocolate chip cookies. Two very big and decedent looking cookies that just appeared to ooze chocolate goodness.

Illyana's eyes focused on the plate of cookies like a lion seeing a zebra with a broken leg.

 

_"Are those... cookies? Cookies! Ca... Katherine why are there cookies"?_

Katherine remembered that Illyana and she had been in the wilderness of Limbo for two'ish years before that ill fated attempt to return Illyana to her own dimension. Two years of just meat from the hunt, berries, some veggies, and roots. Two years without a single dessert or cookie. A child would have had fantasies about such things.

 

Illyana didn't move. Katherine had taught the young Illyana well that you asked and did not grab. Plus, there was always danger in food unless Katherine said it was ok to eat. But a plate holding two huge gooey chocolate chip cookies appeared to be straining her self control to the max.

 

Another choice thought Katherine. One plate, two cookies. Do I share?

 

The answer was yes.

 

Illyana munched her cookie, with small bites, like it was a piece of heaven itself; all the while making child like sounds of utter delight.

 

Katherine was more restrained as she ate her cookie. She eyed Illyana's childlike behavior, and scent. Great... the only one who knew what was going on has either regressed to childhood to escape all the trauma or has been altered so as to in some way help Katherine.

 

Damn, now what? She thought. She remembered a phrase from her childhood.

 

You break it, you bought it.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interestingly, this was not where I was planning on the story going, but Cat just kept escaping any plot I wrote and Illyana just would not follow the script. Both of them really wanted to escape so many things. Got to wonder about the spell Illyana cast though, just what was it?
> 
> Took me time to figure out why Illyana mentally regressed to just before Cat was enslaved by Belasco. I can hear you now, "But you're the author, what do you mean you don't know"? Well, as I said Cat and Illyana rather fought any plot writing I'm doing so I was rather surprised that happened. I figured it out so it will show up in a few chapters.

**Part 13: Discoveries**

After the breakfast of champions cookie break Illyana got out from beneath the blanket and got dressed. Then Katherine led the way out from the lean-to (the bush that it was hidden within was quite thorny).

 

Katherine found herself to be quite hungry, the cookie had only taken the edge off. First things first, Katherine and Illyana returned to the pond for a quick wash; Katherine had to show Illyana the way. That was where they found the first change. A large wooden workout deck was now adjacent to the pond, close by the hot spring. There were also a large assortment of wooden weapons, daggers, swords, spears, and such on a rack about 20 feet from the platform.   All in all, a nice little weapons workout area.

 

There was a steel sword and a steel dagger as well. After some hesitation Katherine took the sword and gave Illyana the dagger.

 

On top of the rack was a set of battery speakers connected to an IPod. Katherine had never seen an IPod but she quickly worked out how to turn it on and review the contents (remember Kitty Pryde is a technical genius). She was quite impressed. She hit the play last button just to see what the song was. It was Burning House by Cam, not that Katherine had ever heard of the song or the artist.

 

A soft mournful country song began to play with a female voice singing...

 

I had a dream about a burning house

You were stuck inside, I couldn't get you out

I laid beside you and pulled you close

And the two of us went up in smoke

 

Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong

I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone

 

I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night

Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right

I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

...

...

 

 _"Turn it off Cat. Please! I... I don't like it"!_ Was Illyana's abrupt and plaintive request as she put her hands over her ears and started shaking her head.

Katherine hit the pause button halting the song. She had rather liked the song, but it was quite sad.   However, Illyana looked very troubled.

 

_"What don't you like Illyana? And again please call my Katherine. Being called Cat brings back... bad memories"._

_"Sorry..."_ Illyana had a puzzled expression on her face and a distant look in her eyes as she took her hands down and hugged herself. " _Don't know. Just... just the song makes me feel bad. Don't like it. Like it reminds me of something I've... forgotten. Want to forget"._

Obviously a clue about something thought Katherine. But, is this thing called an IPod a deliberate part of the enchantment or just an accident. The device had a lot of scratches and dings on it, heck, even some scorch marks, so it looked like a long term possession of Illyana's rather then just a creation by the enchantment.

 

The words of the song sounded like a description of the enchantment. No great guess as to who was trapped in the house and who had decided to die rather than leave...

 

 _"Shit"_ Katherine softly swore to herself. She quickly pressed a few more buttons, wow this touch sensitive screen was great. Last songs played. An assortment of songs and a number next to each song detailing how may times it had been played. Burning house had been on repeat play and had several hundred plays.

 

Katherine thought about it as she watched Illyana poke around the wooden weapons. She had a pretty good guess at just what Illyana's mental mood must have been if this was the song she had been playing over and over.

 

After a bit more examination of the wooden swords Katherine decided to have a quick bath. Illyana joined her and was very appreciative of the hot spring, much nicer then cold water.

 

With the bath done they commenced on a quick hunt where Illyana chased some rabbits into an ambush by Katherine thereby providing breakfast (hot rabbit) and a later lunch (cold rabbit). Katherine quickly started skinning and cleaning the rabbits while she had Illyana start a fire.

 

Back when Illyana and Katherine had been in the wilderness of Limbo, back before... before everything went bad, Katherine had taught Illyana some minor magic. Lighting a fire was one such piece of magic. Such trivial magic was called canthips and that was really the extent of Katherine's magical abilities. Ororo had been the one who could do the big stuff.

 

Illyana stared at the gathered wood and tensed up, like she had always done back when she was little... Back when she was little, but she was no longer little. Katherine opened her mouth to warn Illyana that she shouldn't try so hard.

 

_"Illyana be carful you're a lot stronger then..."_

 

The warning came too late.

 

The small wood pile vanished in a flash detonation. Katherine was pelted with dirt and wood fragments while Illyana was laid out on her back with a startled wide eyed expression.

 

 _"... you used to be"._ Katharine finished the warning with a rueful expression. Illyana started to giggle which prompted Katherine to laugh as well; the first time she had laughed in... in a long time.

 

Illyana was unhurt, just a bit stunned and singed. After a few minutes to recover, Illyana got up and gathered more wood and then carefully lit the fire, this time with little effort.

 

After the meal Katherine led Illyana on a run about the enclosure walls, partially to inspect to see if anything had changed, partially to show Illyana the lay of the land. The enclosure was larger now, roughly five miles long and two miles wide. Not much else had changed.

 

They arrived back at the pond and the work out deck. Katherine then led Illyana on an extended series of dagger and sword workouts using the wooden props.

 

This allowed Katherine to assesses Illyana's skill level, quite good, and to assess her own skills, which were rusty. She had spent the three years of her enslavement using her claws instead of weapons and her skills showed it. It was going to take good chuck of work to regain her prior level of ability. How... convenient that a work out platform and equipment had been provided.

 

Illyana showed more skill then Katherine remembered her having as a nine your old child. She didn't really recall Belasco doing any sword work with Illyana (he hadn't) so she concluded that Illyana had received additional training after her time in Limbo (her time with the X-Men and the New Mutants). Skills that Illyana's reflexes remembered even if the memories of those how she obtained the skills were dormant.

 

After a dip in the pond to cool down, and a quick lunch, the two of them went on a hunt for some gazelle (for supper and the next days provisions), which was quickly caught, and some berry gathering.

 

Such defined their day, and the next several weeks. Katherine began to regain her former speed and skills, and Illyana learned some more advanced techniques with both sword and dagger. In addition, Katherine started to show Illyana how to fight with two swords.

 

All the while Illyana remained as if she was nine years old. She wasn't helpless. No, far from helpless. Katherine had spent two years raising Illyana in the wilds of Limbo. That had started at the age of 7 and Illyana had been quite helpless then, by the end of those two years Illyana had been a quite capable and a lethal little girl.

 

Katherine had made extra efforts on the lethal part, including "accidental" discovery by small demons. This was to bloody Illyana as it were, the difference between training and reality. By the end of the two years there was no hesitating in Illyana, no combat freeze; just a dangerous little girl, who was now not so little any more.

 

At the end of the day the took another dip in the hot spring, they were both a bit bruised and scratched from the training and achy from the prolonged run.

 

Katherine contemplated the situation while Illyana appeared rather fascinated by her floating breasts (going from flat chested to nicely endowed was quite a shock for Illyana).

 

Hmm, the trials of the day are not healing at an accelerated pace thought Katherine. Looks like we're now expected to take care of ourselves now. This enchantment is odd. It keeps altering itself depending on the choices Katherine made.

 

Hmm, choices... It was like the enchantment was some kind of binary tree search algorithm (yea she went nerd) that kept providing a series of choices and then reset itself and provided new choices. But what was it searching for? Damn she wished you could ask Illyana but that knowledge was now locked away, how... incontinently convenient.

 

Illyana had said that only Katherine could end the enchantment but that Illyana did not know how that could be. Choices, it was all about choices. But what was Katherine supposed to choose?

 

At the end of the day they returned to the lean-to to sleep.

 

The bad dreams began that night. Bad dreams for the both of them.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has taken me some time to write and turned out to be longer then most of my chapters (the title says it well). Just why is because the characters are in a transitional stage. I know the ending of the story (heck I've already written it) but how they get there is still in flux. 
> 
> This story is dedicated to "guest" as their review was nice (reviews are like dessert to a writer). Keep them coming! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Oh, and this chapter explains why oddly appropriate music tends to show up around Illyana. The reality of that is when I tend to work weekends (overtime) and I put random play my music collection, when I hear an "Illyana'ish song" I take note for later possible use. Always liked the song live and let die in regards to Illyana.

**Part 14a: Days of our lives**

 

Illyana awoke with a start and started to pant in panic, which woke up Katherine.

 

After a long and rather exhausting day the two had returned to the lean-to to sleep, thereby discovering that the lean-to now had two sleeping pads and two sets of blankets. After some minor small talk the two had pushed the pads together and then had gone to sleep, only to have Illyana awaken hours later.

 

Katherine had enhanced senses, hearing, smell, taste. She immediately sensed that Illyana was very upset.

 

" _Cat"?_ Illyana both said and asked, as she turned to look at Katherine, with that tone of voice that a child has as they are about to start crying.

 

Katherine did not correct Illyana about calling her Cat this time as Illyana appeared to be having a "moment". Illyana started to cry and Katherine leaned over to Illyana and hugged her.

 

Katherine make comforting sounds while Illyana bawled her eyes out. _"There there. It's ok. Nothing is going hurt you. It's ok..."._

After a good long cry Illyana finally calmed down enough for Katherine to ask her what had upset her.

 

 _"I... I was being... tortured, hurt. Hurt so bad"._ Katherine froze as she was hugging Illyana.

 

Illyana continued, little sob hiccups interrupting her talk. _"She was blond... and dressed in green. I was... I was hanging on a wall and I hurt so bad. I was starving, so thirsty, and it went on for weeks and weeks and weeks... She... kept hurt me but I couldn't... I couldn't die"!_

Katherine breathed an internal sigh of relief, not Katherine then. Katherine was a brunet.

 

Katherine then felt a sudden surge of burning hot rage. That somebody had hurt her Kit (one of Illyana's nicknames that Katherine had used back when they had been in the wilds of Limbo oh so many years ago). Then surprise that she felt rage. Katherine's feeling were... jumbled. To go from being terrified and hating Illyana to now feeling her former possessive and protective feelings was... disconcerting and disturbing.

 

_"It's ok now. I think it is a memory of something that happened to you a long time ago. She can't hurt you now"._

Illyana's response at first confused Katherine but as Illyana explained her answer Katherine felt herself go slightly cold. A reminder that Illyana was not a little girl despite her current mental condition.

 

_"I know. That's why I was crying. I... I escaped with ?friends? We had her with us. I... I sent my friends back to where we had escaped from and then... then... I... I ended up hurting her back. I did to her even worse then what she did me. And I.... I LIKED IT! That's why I was crying. I liked it so much, but by the end I was so upset that I liked it. I cried and I cried and I cried in the dream. That's when I woke up"._

 

Odd, as Katherine comforted Illyana there was a bit of pride in how she felt about Illyana. After all, Katherine would have likely done the same to anybody who had willfully done that to her (Author, remember that Cat is so not Kitty Pryde in so many ways), and in fact had.

 

After a few more hiccups from Illyana she finally went back to sleep, thereby allowing Katherine to go back to sleep as well only to now have a bad dream of her own.

 

Katherine awoke with a start to find herself crying and Illyana now being the one to hold and hugging her from behind. Cat had always been a dangerous person to touch when asleep, yet somehow her body had known that it was Illyana and she had not lashed out in defense.

 

Katherine remembered the dream and began to retch and have the dry heaves into a small bucket which had somehow materialized next to her while she slept (like the blasted spell knew what has going to happen). Not much came up, but it was the vile memory that kept her trying to empty herself.

 

Finally she leaned back from the bucket and just cried while Illyana continued to hold her. Finally Illyana softly asked a question.

 

_"Was... were you being hurt"?_

 

Katherine didn't answer for a while. Should she answer? She was so ashamed, so horrified, so disgusted with herself.

 

Yet... maybe that was why Illyana was here with her now. Somebody to share the horrors with, a fellow victim of Belasco's cruelty and evil. One who... who not only would not judge, but... one who had done... so many bad things as well.

 

Cat had lived a long time in Limbo, done things, had things done to her. But... the things that Belasco had done had... had...

 

Katherine spoke slowly and softly.

_"It was Kurt, Nightcrawer. It was just after we were captured by Belasco and he had turned me into Cat in form as well as name. The first thing he made me do, the first of so many... defilements. I... I..."._

More sudden retching. When it was done Katherine continued in a whisper.

 

_"I ate Kurt's body. Over the next few days that's what he fed me. Had me eat. It was just meat to me, it... I... I was so reduced..."._

Dawn found them both still awake, for rather obvious reasons neither of them had felt much like sleeping again.

 

A basket of bread and cheese and fresh icy cold milk also greeted them that morning and each morning from then on, which was good as Katherine didn't eat meat again for over a week.

 

They got up, found fresh clothing, which included undergarments, and went about their day of bathing, exercise, training, and after a week, hunting as well.

 

So went the next two months.

 

Not every night had bad dreams. Not all the dreams were bad. But each had somebody to comfort them when the night terrors returned.

 

Katherine grew more into herself. Illyana remembered things but remained as she was.

 

Funny how having to take care of Illyana was helping Katherine deal with so many issues.

 

 

**Part 14b: Days of our lives**

 

Over the next two months Katherine learned a few more things about herself.

 

She found that something was missing, and she was both profoundly glad to be gone and troubled by its absence. She'd been transformed into her cat body so long ago, with that transformation had come thoughts, ideas, and impulses that she had always thought were related to the transformed body. But now she knew that some of those... impulses had not really be her own. They had been indications of Belasco's evil, his corruption; something that Ororo had likely understood but Katherine had been unable to comprehend. A kind of blind spot. One that had only been shown when Belasco had enslaved her.

 

But was the evil, the corruption gone? Or had it just been transferred somewhere else?   She was... concerned that it had gone into Illyana and this concern led her to muse upon her actions in taking Illyana from Ororo and training her in the wilds of Limbo. She... she wasn't sure she'd done the right thing.

 

Katherine also learned quite a lot about Illyana.

 

For one Illyana did not menstruate. Neither did Katherine, but that was expected by Katherine. Katherine hadn't menstruated for a long time. Katherine didn't know if the lack of menstruation was normal for Illyana, the result of some spell, was medical, or was a clue about something. And Illyana's current mental state made asking her mute point. Illyana had been too young to menstruate when she was in the Limbo wilderness with Katherine, and both the diet and exercise regime had delayed those aspects of puberty anyway (her body fat index would have been far too low).

 

Another thing she learned was that even as Illyana regained memories she did not mature in her mental state. The memories were there, but were left unaccessed unless Illyana thought about them, which really only happened when prompted by Katherine. And the aspects of personality that should have come with the memories were also unassimilated.

 

Another interesting factoid was that Katherine always knew where Illyana was. It was an understanding that slowly grew into something actively thought upon. Vector and distance. Katherine unfailing just knew where Illyana was. At first Katherine had paid it no mind, just assumed it was here senses, but as she became more and more... well herself, she realized she always knew exactly where Illyana was.

 

To test it she had Illyana do a long run about the enclosure without her. She could sense were Illyana was and whenever she stopped moving. It was... odd. Like Illyana was somehow an extension of Katherine. She asked if Illyana could sense Katherine that way and Illyana had said no. Apparently it was a one way link.

 

Katherine mused upon Illyana's earlier words, back when she had still had the mind of an adult ( _You're not bound to me. I'm... I think I did the reverse, I bound myself to you")._

The sense of location was yet another indication of the binding that Illyana had spoke of _._

 

 

**Part 14c: Days of our lives**

 

In many ways Katherine felt herself to be building upon the ruble that had been Cat and Kitty Pryde. Kitty had been hot headed more then a few times, Cat had been quick to strike, Katherine was finding herself becoming ... introspective? She wasn't sure, but then she wasn't sure about many things now.

 

Nights could be rough for the both of them. There was a lot of abuse to mentally digest and it liked to find expression in dreams. Illyana tended to have more bad dreams then Katherine, but then Katherine had no problems remembering what had happened to her, it was the forgetting that she was having problems with.

 

Usually they spoke to each other about the dreams, either upon wakening from a nightmare and/or the following day. It was a great comfort to Katherine to have somebody to talk to who had undergone so many similar abuses, yet very troubling as the person who had been abused had been so much younger then herself.

 

From these talks she learned much about the teenage Illyana's life, but viewed through the mind of a nine year old.

 

How she had found so many of her interactions with the so called "New Mutants" to be unfair. Most of them had apparently always thought the worse of her regardless of what she did or tried. Especially some boy called Berto (whom Illyana apparently had found cute) and some girl by the name of Rahne (whom she did not like at all).

 

Teenage angst experiences, mild compared to... compared to the rape discussions they both had.

 

It was Katherine who woke up screaming from a dream about one of the many times Belasco had raped her. After hugs from Illyana and the realization that she was... well ok; she realized that she needed to discuss this with Illyana before Illyana had any such dreams.

 

The next day Katherine had explained what Belasco had done to her and... and what he had repeatedly done to Illyana. That it was ok. That he was gone. That it had not been Katherine's or Illyana's fault. That... that Belasco, being the true and utter bastard that he was, had loved to use magic to force the victim to enjoy the degradation, the abuse, the violation.

 

The rapes.

 

That the enjoyment did not mean that they actually liked such things, he just wanted them to think that they did. It was just another knife to carve them up with.

 

Words that somewhat helped when Illyana had her own dreams about such things.

 

Words that somewhat helped Katherine.

 

 

**Part 14d: Days of our lives**

 

The weapons training was going well, apart from the bruises, aches, and other minor injuries; which annoying mostly now took the normal amount of time to heal. Katherine was getting her old skills back, and Illyana was getting advanced training (girl was getting good on using two swords at the same time, although she preferred using just one sword).

 

The training platform was nice to have, and the music helped liven up the day. Illyana's IPod had not only a random play button, but a special random play button that was actually magic based. But the IPod's special random play function was not very random. Somehow the songs were always... appropriate at so many emotional levels.

 

Music centers of the brain are in a different location then the emotional centers, but there are cross connects. Adult Illyana had found during her journey that songs could somehow make her somewhat feel... well feel in ways that she was unable to anymore. It was way more neurologically complicated then Illyana actually comprehended. But suffice it to say Illyana ended up liking music way more then she had back when she was a student at Xavier's. After some time she had created the special random play button on her IPod and tied it to some magic.

 

Katherine and Illyana were engaged in a rather prolonged and heated sword fight. Katherine had hit the special random play button as the song choices sometimes really were able to put into words what she was feeling (which also sometimes really disturbed her as well).

 

Currently I'm So Afraid by Fleetwood Mac was playing

 

I been alone

All the years

So many ways to count the tears

I never change

I never will

I'm so afraid the way I feel

 

Days when the rain and the sun are gone

Black as night

Agony's torn at my heart too long

So afraid

Slip and I fall and I die

 

I been alone

Always down

No one cared to stay around

I never change

I never will

I'm so afraid the way I feel

...

...

 

Most days Katherine didn't hit the special random play. But when she did the song choices always were... interesting, and the cause of much introspection by Katherine.

 

After a few more moves Illyana was disarmed of her sword. They grinned at each other while panting from the exertions. That's when Katherine got the idea to have Illyana hit the special random play button. Katherine had always been the one to set the training regiment and Illyana had expressed no interest in the IPod, although Katherine had showed her how to operate it.

 

A hesitant expression briefly crossed Illyana's face at the request.

 

_"Do I have to? Ever time you do that you get moody"._

_"Please Illyana. I'm... curious what the song selection will be"._

_"What if it's that... burning house song. I don't like it"._

_"We'll turn it off if it's that song. Please give it a try"._

With resigned air about her Illyana went and retrieved her sword and then walked over to the IPod and hit the special random play button. Then she took up a guard position again as they resumed combat training.

 

The song began as they engaged in combat. It was another Fleetwood Mac song, Running Through The Garden.

 

Until she herself

Became the deadliest poison

As she grew older

Ooh, until she herself Became just as fatal

As was her garden

 

And so you run toward What you know is wrong

There are too many flowers

To cut down

With all the love I have for your life

For the love I have for your life

Turn around..

 

Never did I mean to (never did I mean to)

Imprison you (imprison you)

Here in my garden (here in my garden)

Like I am imprisoned (like I am imprisoned)

All the love I have for your life

All the love I have for your life

Turn around (turn around)

 

Until she herself

Understood her garden

Leaving her heart broken,

No future at all

Until she herself

Became the toxic garden

Always frightened,

No future at all

...

...

 

The song did not appear to bother Illyana, but the lyrics did have Katherine deep on thought over them. The words... the words described aspects of the both of them very well. And... possibly the enchantment itself?

 

Later, as they relaxed in the hot spring, Katherine thought more upon the words.

 

Katherine had... shaped Illyana those two years that that'd spent together in the wilds of Limbo. Trained her, taught her, guided her, molded her. From a seven year old girl who barely knew how to hold a knife, to a nine year old girl who was very dangerous in a knife fight, skilled in hand to hand combat, and could slice your throat in your sleep (yea, that had happened once, part of Illyana's... training; and one less demon).

 

It had felt right at the time, but now Katherine knew that she had only in fact been doing what Belasco wanted. He needed Illyana trained, he needed her bloodied, he needed her to be ruthless. It would have been unlikely that Illyana would have accepted or excelled at such training at his hands. But from Katherine? Katherine had been the perfect instructor. He... he also needed Illyana to love somebody that he was going to... arrange a fight to the death with. Just one more thing to kill in her soul.

 

From angry hateful exhausted girl, the training had been very harsh, to killer had been gradual. It was over a year before the glow of hero worship started to gleam in Illyana's eyes back then. Stockholm syndrome (strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other). Katherine had known exactly what she had been doing and cultivating, but she hadn't expected it to be a two way street.

 

She had shaped the young Illyana, formed how Illyana viewed the world and show how to solve problems (killing being a big part of many problem solving techniques).

 

And... and the teaching had stuck. Found fertile soil. Maybe Illyana would have always have grown up to have a ruthless disposition, or maybe the corruption that Belasco had planted in Illyana as he forged the blood stones was the fundamental source. But more likely it was a combination of both. It didn't matter, what was done was done.

 

However... Katherine was no longer sure about all the lessons that she had taught Illyana when Illyana had been young, especially the learning sessions that she'd arranged where Illyana had killed. The stalking of a wounded demon had been particularly vicious, which had been the point of the exercise.

 

Katherine had arranged for a minor demon to find them and attack. Katherine had been injured (well, had rather faked being injured) but had wounded the demon. She'd told Illyana that Illyana needed to kill the demon before it brought back more of its kind and then had passed out (again something she pretended). Illyana had stalked and pursued the demon and had killed it (Katherine had followed behind to make sure Illyana was kept safe and to observe). She'd done the deed, showed no mercy or pity. Been savage in her belief that she was defending Katherine.

 

Katherine had been proud then. But now? Now she... she wondered just how much of Illyana's subsequent life had been caused by Katherine's lessons. What if Illyana's... fate had in part been caused by Katherine?

 

 

**Part 14e: Days of our lives**

 

Illyana sat upon the training platform. It had been a rather exhausting multi hour session of dagger and swords. Illyana's tongue licked the salty sweat off of her upper lip, then she asked Katherine a question.

 

_"Ca... Katherine, what was I like? What... kind of a person am I"?_

 

Katherine paused on her post work stretching exercises.

 

_"I... I didn't really interact with you that much before you regressed... before I hurt you that is. From what I could see you were... mostly sharp edges. Not much softness except... except for me. You were very kind to me. In hindsight unbelievably kind"._

Illyana nibbled her lower lip in thought.

 

 _"Was I... a good person"?_ Illyana hung her head _. "I... I don't think I was. The dreams, the memories... they... um, I did a lot of bad things and I... um... really liked it sometimes. But I really hated it too... I... At least I think so... well sometimes"._

Katherine sighed to herself. Hard question.

 

Illyana had been very good to Katherine, but Illyana had led a troubled life even before her death and her subsequent re-embodiment into an incarnation that had apparently been one of almost continual horror and abuse.

 

Was Illyana good? Well... no, not really from what little Katherine could understand. Was she bad? Evil? Well.... that was a yes and no. It was more like... like chaotic neutral or almost pure neutral to use an old Dungeons and Dragon's term from Katherine's childhood. Illyana could go either way, good or bad. It was all about motivation and goals.

 

And... who you emulated, looked up to.

 

_"I think you did many good things that you haven't yet remembered Illyana, it's just that the bad things tend to stick in your minds. I think you're good. It's myself I worry about"._

Illyana raised her head and her eyes lit up in delight. _"Don't be silly Katherine, of course your good. If you say I'm good then I must be good!"_ she announced with an enthusiasm that only the young have.

 

Katherine smiled. Ahh the simple joys of the young. But she and Illyana were going to have to have a discussion about how Katherine had raised Illyana in the wilderness. The more Katherine thought upon it the more she was bothered... by just all that she had done and trained Illyana to be. But that discussion would have to wait for an adult version of Illyana.

 

_"Rest breaks over, time to get back up and spar again young lady. Now this time I want us to..."._

 

 

**Part 14f: Days of our lives (Critical Mass)**

 

Illyana awoke with a start, sat up, and screamed her lungs out; which of course awoke Katherine with a start.

 

**_"NO! NO!   NO!   AUGH!!!!"_ **

 

 _"Illyana what's wrong?!. What was your dream about this time"?_ Katherine asked with concern.

 

Illyana turned and stared at Katherine and proceeded to shriek ever louder. The covers went flying and Illyana fled into the night, leaving more then a little bit of blood behind as she rather severely scratched herself against the bushes thorns the guarded the lean-to.

 

Crap, she must finally have dreamed of when I tortured her Katherine thought guiltily. She'd been wondering when that dream would come. No wonder Illyana had fled. But Katherine needed to pursue, it might not be safe outside and Illyana appeared to be in no fit state for possible dangers.

 

Katherine grabbed her sword, hurriedly put on her jeans and ran into the night in pursuit of Illyana. Even if Katherine had not been able sense the location of Illyana, the trail left by Illyana was easy to follow, plus there was the smell of fresh blood. But in reality all Katherine had to do was to run in the direction of Illyana's screaming.

 

Shards the girl was fast. Illyana ran like a demon from hell was chasing her, which I suppose one is thought Katherine. God she felt so ashamed. Illyana had known that Katherine had harmed her, Katherine had made that very clear each time the topic came up, but knowing and experiencing are two different things.

 

Then, with a rumble, the sky opened up as it were and it began to rain as Katherine chased after Illyana. Not a pounding rain, but not a drizzle either. It was a steady strong rain the promised a good soaking.

 

Great, just great. Now it decides to rain Katherine grumbled to herself as she ran after Illyana. Sometimes this F’ing spell just has an overblown sense of melodrama.

 

At least it was easy to track her. The sense of Illyana’s vector and distance remained strong, plus the faint smell of blood; Illyana's screaming had stopped, which may or may not be a good thing thought Katherine. Katherine had the pursuit advantage in that she could always run in the direction Illyana was and avoid having to follow the actual trail that Illyana left. This allowed Katherine to exploit shortcuts and cut corners as it were.

 

As Katherine cut across the landscape she intercepted Illyana's actual trail and froze for a second. The smell of blood was strong, too strong for the cuts from the thorns. A brief glance at the ground confirmed the evidence of scent. Illyana was losing a lot of blood. Something had happened, yet whatever had happened had not stopped the girl's ability to flee.

 

Katherine redoubled her pace. Illyana was up ahead, maybe a quarter mile or so, and had apparently paused.

 

It was over two miles from the lean-to before Katherine was able to catch up with Illyana. Illyana had finally stopped and was bent over gasping and sobbing. The scent of blood filled the air. Katherine could see Illyana was trembling and that likely blood loss had finally slowed her pace.

 

Katherine stopped twenty feet away from Illyana, Illyana's back were to Katherine. Katherine called out to Illyana.

 

_"Illyana it's me. Are you..."?_

 

Illyana spun around as she heard Katherine. Illyana had a look of utter horror, which was now mirrored by Katherine. Illyana was not all right, she was not ok. She had savagely slit both of her wrists, her dagger was in her left had and she continued to carve up her right forearm.

 

There are two ways to cut your wrists if you’re trying to kill yourself. Horizontal, meaning across the wrist, mostly doesn’t work as blood clotting does what it’s supposed to do, assuming you don’t actually reach an artery (most people don’t, they just cut the surface veins). Illyana had done it right, long horizontal cuts down both of her forearms. Open the whole vein up and the clotting can’t stop that much damage. By all rights she should have already have bleed out, but apparently the enchantment was working at full healing power again. It was maintaining her life, but Illyana had turned her arms into a streaming red ruin in an attempt to end it.

 

Katherine made placating motions with her hands while she spoke. _"Illyana I'm so sorry, I wasn't right in the head. I was..."_ Katherine never had a chance to finish before Illyana screamed her response.

 

_"I **KILLED** YOU! I love you and **I KILLED YOU** "!_

 

Katherine paused. Illyana was in hysterics over something other then what Katherine had thought.

 

_"I'm Evil! I went BAD! You must hate me! I hate me! It's all coming back! I can't stop it"!_

_"Illyana! Put down the knife now young lady"!_

_"NO!!! She picks wrong! Always wrong! We can't see right! She's broken! We're broken! We always choose wrong! I couldn't save you! She couldn't save Kitty. I KILLED YOU"!_

 

Illyana turned and tried to run again, but she was only able to stumble few steps before Katherine tackled her from behind sending Illyana sprawling onto the muddy grassy ground. Katherine firmly held Illyana face down with her right hand while she took the knife away with her left hand (she then tossed the knife away) and kneeled upon Illyana's back. Illyana fought and twisted to get away, but Katherine was too strong, and frankly Illyana too weakened by blood loss.

 

Illyana begged, pleaded Katherine to let her go, to kill her, to end it.

 

_“Please make it stop, please! I don’t want to be her! I don't want to be! I don’t wanta! And she doesn’t either! We don’t want that! Please! Please let me die! Kill me”!_

 

Illyana gave up resisting and began to sob and chant as Katherine continued to hold her down.

 

_“Don’t wana be her. Don’t wana be her. Don’t wana be her. Don’t wana be her…”_

 

Katherine offered what little comfort she could.

 

_“I’m sorry Illyana. The enchantment, it... won’t let me die and… and it won’t allow you to die as well. It's ok. I know it hurts. Hurts so bad. It's ok...”._

 

_“Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Don’t wana be her. Don’t wana be her. Don’t want to be her. Don’t want to be her. Don’t want to be….”_

 

The chanting finally ceased. Illyana lay in the mud with Katherine still on top pinning her down.  

 

Illyana uttered one final word _“… me”,_ and then the wailing stopped and was replaced with simple crying.

 

Katherine continued to hold her down, but more gently as Illyana offered no resistance. Katherine let Illyana cry, sometimes it's for the best. After awhile Illyana stopped crying and spoke.

 

_"Shards I’m… myself again”._

 

Katherine observed that Illyana's wrists were also now healed. Katherine eased up a bit more and asked Illyana a question.

 

_"If I let you go will you promise me that you're not going to run off or hurt yourself"?_

 

Illyana responded with a long sigh and a resigned tone. _"Yes, I... promise mistress"._

 

Katherine released Illyana and saw down besides her. Illyana sat up with a groan and wiped the tears and snot from her face with muddy and bloody hands.

 

Illyana look so very sad, but she wouldn't meet Katherine's eyes. Katherine so did not want a repeat of submissive Illyana trying to offer Katherine daggers so Katherine could hurt Illyana again.

 

_"Illyana! Look me in the eye, and can that mistress crap. I don't ever want to hear you call me that ever again"._

Illyana slowly raised her head, like she was having to fight a great weight, and looked Katherine in the eye.

 

 _"I..."_ a gulp, _"I...",_ another gulp, finally a " _Yes... Katherine"._

_"Good. Are you... you"?_

_"Yes, and so dearly wish I was not"._

_"Why"?_

Illyana kept trying to not meet Katherine's gaze, but she was unable to turn away. She struggled to speak but was unable to utter a word. Finally she closed her eyes and spoke.

 

_“I… I was happy for the very first time since… since I came into this existence after her death. I didn’t… want it to end"._

_"Why? Was illusionary innocence of youth appealing"?_

_"No. It was because… because... Because you loved me again. Because I was something that you could love and care for. Now… Now I’m… I’m…”_

 

Illyana hung her head and grimaced as she finished the sentence.

 

_“...Not”._

 

Katherine gave Illyana fierce hug.

 

“ _No. That’s not true. I… I care for you. I… crap… I… love you again. It... it was so dark and I hurt so bad. When you... rejected me, drove me away, that's when I died. Not when you broke my neck, I was already gone by that point. But you... you brought me back to myself. No my Kit. No”._

 

The two women cried and held each other in the rain before Katherine finally broke the hug and lead them back to the lean-to so as to get out of the rain.

 

Two victims of massive and horrific long term abuse.

 

No, they did not “sleep” together. But they did fall asleep holding hands.

 

There were no more nightmares for the remainder of that night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took me quite awhile to figure out how to get Illyana out of her regressed childhood state. Which of course slowed down the writing. Plus, part of me does not want this story to end (which it must). I was surprised at how big this chapter got. And I think it's one of my best writing efforts.
> 
> Decided to explore some parts of New Mutants that I think "might" have happened, and some parts that did but were never really dealt with properly in the comics. Ended up creating quite a workup on Danielle "Dani" Moonstar which was quite a surprise. Also this chapter has a bit of across over with the story What to do about Magik Chapter 4.
> 
> Oh, there is hunting in this chapter, real hunting so it is rather... bloody. Hey, that's what hunting is. Not sure if I should rate this an adult story now, definite F/F. Hmm?

**Part 15a: Dawn**

Illyana was quite silent the following morning. They had both awoken but just laid there on their sleeping pads. Katherine was rather sure that Illyana had awoken first. Katherine sat up to find Illyana sitting and staring at Katherine. Illyana's had on one of her neutral expressions which Katherine had learned could mean anything.

 

Katherine decided now was as good a time as any to address some topics. Maybe a light attempt at humor.

 

“ _Great, first I’m the one trying to kill herself, and now it’s you”._

Illyana just stared back at Katherine, then she mumbled a reply.

 

 _"It... it was too much for her. She so did not want to live, re-live for me, that she had... Well the... rape memories were infinitely preferable to knowing that... she'd killed the most important thing in the world to..."._ Illyana left the sentence unfinished.

Ok, so much for humor. Katherine tried a more direct approach.

_“Ok, let’s promise each other that from now on no more killing ourselves”._

Illyana's eyebrows rose in surprise. She glanced around the lean-to as if she expected something to happen. Nothing did.

 

Katherine held out her right hand with the pinkie extended.

_"Pinkie promise"?_ The young minded Illyana had always found that funny.

Illyana tried to remain expressionless, but a shadow of a grin briefly flicked on her face. She extended her left hand and grasped Katherine's pinkie with her own.

 

 _"Pinkie promise"._ Illyana again looked around.

_"Why do you keep looking around Illyana"?_ Katherine asked as she extracted her pinkie from Illyana's.

_"I thought... that it would end now. You're healed... sort of. That the enchantment would break. But it's still here. Guess there's still more... things for you to deal with"._

Yea Katherine had things... left over. Katherine had a rather precise notion of just what those things might be, but she didn't share the notions with Illyana. At least not yet.

 

Katherine was not leaving here without helping Illyana. It... it just had to be possible to help her.

**Part 15b: Mirage in the distance**

They resumed their daily routine of bathing, hunt, exercise, and training.

 

They found that the waterfall by the pond now had a little waterfall next to it that flowed right out of the cliff. One you could turn on and off with a handle, and another handle controlled the temperature. It was a shower, a really really nice shower that was frankly big enough for a basket ball team to all shower at the same time (if you're into that sort of thing).

 

The hunts were nice, relaxing, the thrill of the chase and the kill at the end. Katherine was still very much a cat in these aspects, a predator; and she truly enjoyed this.

 

Enjoyed it with Illyana as Illyana liked the hunt and the kill as well. Illyana was human... well wore a human garb, she didn't like reverting to her female demon form; something Katherine could definitely understand. But she was fast, had endurance, and no hesitation when it came to the strike. And... Illyana was a predator as well. Cat had trained her well, partially reshaped Illyana in Cat's own warped image, and that knowledge gently but continually tore at something in Katherine.

 

They spoke less and Illyana was the moody one now.

 

A week passed in this current iteration.

 

They were sitting opposite to each other as a small gazelle roasted over a fire for the evening's meal, when Illyana suddenly started to reminisce about an experience with the New Mutants. Which was... out of character for Illyana, she so rarely spoke of what such experiences unprompted.

 

_"Only Sam and Dani really understood what it was like to hunt, and even then it was only Dani that really got it as Sam was more of a (get ma orange vest on and go shoot me some critters) kind of a guy. She... I'd kept that part of me massively under lock and key and buried it in the back yard as it were. My... enjoyment of it. Partially I suppose in an attempt to deny what I was. Partially because... I was afraid of what... others would think. She... I so wanted to fit in... and so often failed"._

_"Failed?"_ prompted Katherine.

 

_"Say the wrong thing. Do the wrong thing. It... was hard. Laugh at something that's not funny. Not seeing why something was sad. Get moody over things I wouldn't talk about but in hindsight I should have. But she... I really didn't want to admit just what I was, and the New Mutants so didn't like what little of me that they had learned so that rather reinforced the desire to keep it all hidden. So many of my interactions with them were acts. Moody demon sorceress, bad girl, pretending to be cold, pretending to not have the power to fix a problem, pretending to be mean... well part of that wasn't all pretend I guess. The hiding in my room part was probably the most honest thing I did, again something only Kitty understood. Most of the time the New Mutants thought I was just being bitchy rather then being terrified about... a lot of things"._

_"Only Kitty got to mostly see the real me. I didn't... have to act around her. Plus it's not like she was into hunting and killing so no risk of... acting inappropriately; funny how shopping with her replicated the hunt/kill experience. Anyhow, Kitty and the X-Men, having been to Limbo and having experienced it under Belasco, understood that... that I'd gone to hell and had been there for seven years. That... very bad things had to have happened to me. That... that I had to have been altered. That... I probably wasn't... quite the me I tried to be"._

_"The New Mutants always tended to give off the vib that somehow it was my fault that I was the way I was. That if I'd just tried harder I'd have been ok. Kitty and the X-Men knew better. I'd survived Limbo, something the X-Babies (that's what Kitty would call them whenever she wanted to be bitchy) didn't understand, but the X-Men had been there and seen... seen that they had not. They'd seen that they could fall, die, be corrupted... and that they knew... knew that I had to have fallen as well. Which sometimes left them treating me like I was Bruce Banner and they were really trying to make sure I didn't get angry. Made me... well it hurt. Only Kitty never did that"._

 

Illyana cut a piece of gazelle meat, took a bite, and continued talking.

 

_"I was somewhat... attracted to Berto. He was cute, and knew it. And he was attracted to me, but... almost always he had a look of disgust in his eyes. Like it was perverted that he could possible be attracted to me. Real mood killer and it so kept reminding me of just what I was, that is when one of them wasn't telling me to my face. Hell, if I had a nickel for every time Rahne called me a witch... well I'd have a lot of nickels. Wonder if everybody would have been to willing to over look that if I'd been black and Rahne had been using the N word at me ten times a day"._

_"Doug would hang out with me, but mostly just to hang out with Kitty. He wasn't freaked out by me, hell the only New Mutant that wasn't, but... Kitty was his focus most of the time. And I'm just not into technology like he and Kitty were. Was nice to be around him though in that he didn't constantly think I was out to steal his soul or something. We'd talk Latin at each other sometimes"._

_"I was also attracted to Dani and at least she didn't think I was pond scum like Berto did, at least... well at least not most of the time. She somewhat reminded me of you, but she was young and wasn't nearly as lethal and... well you always tended to leave death in your wake Katherine and that... um, well I'm... attracted to strong self confident... people... not weakness, so don't like weakness it reminds me of... being unable to resist... Well it left me real conflicted as to... well... conflicted"._

Illyana continued to reminisce. Katherine remained silent. Illyana was finally talking.

 

_"Dani got a tiny taste of what it was like to be me after she became a Valkyrie. She'd talk to me about it sometimes, always in private. The cravings, the joy in battle, the... urges. She already was a hard ass and being a Valkyrie rather amplified it, and... other things. I was nice, I shared, tried to help. Told her about... problems that split incarnations can cause. That... things are now a part of you that weren't there before. The not knowing what are normal urges and feelings and what are... shards, not normal I suppose. Those talks were... good. I liked them. I suppose they were in part Dani seeing how I'd react to what she was saying. Trying to make sure before she..."._

 

A pause.

 

 _"Dani... well she knew what really good mind blowing orgasms were. Dark Xavier certainly taught her that._ (Author's note, See the X-Men and the Micronauts limited series. Yea the subtext of that comic is very creepy and was never really dealt with afterwards. Just another example of what a creep Xavier could be, at least as far as I'm concerned).

 

" _Hell, taught all of them I think, but I'm not absolutely sure. I wasn't friends with any of them at that time. The Professor had to have modified their memories to remove... well remove the... crap... the orgy that I'm sure he had with them (man what a perv). Likely a real good think for Rahne. But I guess the Professor was unable erase all of it from Dani as she remembered some of it, likely due to her power set. Thankfully I was unconscious the entire time so for once a pervert actually skipped me over. Lockheed apparently stood guard, love that little guy"._

Illyana paused and there was just the crackling of the fire and the slow sizzling of meat.

_"Then again... Likely that would have triggered my/her reacceptance of her powers and Dark Xavier would have been on the receiving end of one very pissed off and in full child molested flashbacking telepathically resistant Darkchilde sorceress who so would have a problem with him. Talk about being at ground zero. But that didn't happen until S'ym showed up that winter"._

_"In hindsight Dark Xavier rather bugs me. I mean, he mind rapes them, then physical rapes them and then has them rape each other all the while making sure everybody gets their rocks off spectacularly, and he gets to remain the good guy. (Terribly sorry about that children, but it was my dark side so everything's ok now. Who wants Pizza? How about a happy meal?) Hmmm, but likely he had the memories of what his darker side did. I wonder if that somewhat explains why he took off for space the next year. I was the only one he couldn't modify the memories of and he never asked me what I remembered. Ah shame, the great motivator to run away. That I can relate to"._

_"Anyway, the double standard really annoyed me. I give Rahne a dirty look because Rahne keeps wearing that blasted tee-shirt from the film Frozen and I'm the bad guy? (Oh no Illyana's dark side is breaking lose. Control it girl, control it!) Gods I hated that film, it doesn't work that way, no do overs. I'd killed.... you and that was it. I'd have to live with it forever... Hmm had killed you... I guess that parts past tense now"._

Illyana went silent. Katherine had nothing to say so she keep silent as well. Illyana was opening up as she if had nothing to hide from Katherine. Katherine knew Illyana in the broad strokes of a paintbrush aspect but, she knew so little as to the nuances of Illyana. Saying nothing might... encourage Illyana to continue, which after awhile Illyana did.

 

_"Dani found that she had... issues after she became a Valkyrie, which had happened when we were in Asgard. She was not quite human anymore but in no way was she an Asgardian. It was somewhat funny in that I knew more about what being a Valkyrie meant then she did. Valkyries are... passionate, part of their nature. To put it more crudely, bitches in heat for battle. This passion can cause issues in a mortal frame. Over time I suspect it really amplified her enjoyment of combat and her obsession with weapons, but it also amplifies other things. She... she was embarrassed and didn't know who to talk to about it or... what to do about it."_

_"She invited me to a hunt one day as she really needed an outlet for what she was feeling and hunting helped scratch an itch but not the bigger itch. Rather pissed off Rahne when Rahne found that Dani and I had gone out. No one knew it was a hunt and for some reason Dani didn't want them to know. I found out why after we killed a deer"._

Illyana poked at the fire with a stick, moving some coals around. The firelight reflected in her eyes. Her expression was... complex. Bit of nostalgia, some longing, some hurt, and other things.

_"Part of me now thinks she knew exactly what she was doing and had picked me because... well that would leave her other friendships unaltered. Plus, this was a magical issue and I certainly knew more then anybody else she knew. Still, kind of stung afterwards to realize I was... maybe her most... sacrificial friendship"._

_"But then again maybe she just... liked me... that way. Maybe I was... the one that was... right. That made it sting less, but I never found out. Guess I really should ask her some day"._

Illyana briefly paused to slice off more meat, then continued.

_"That was the first time Dani ever took me hunting and she never took anybody else while she had her... issues. It... was fun. I enjoyed it, brought back good memories of times with you. I was a lot better at hunting then she expected, but hell, it was not like I'd ever shared just what I'd done in Limbo. But the blood, the thrill of the hunt, the excitement led to..."._

A sigh of, well not regret, but of things lost.

_"Well Dani was ashamed afterwards. Mostly didn't want to talk about it. I understood, but was it what we did or was it because it was me she did it with"?_

_"It was the blood that triggered it. We'd hunted down a good sized buck and Dani had put two arrows in it. I think I rather startled her by how casually, and how well, I slit its throat, I mean it's not like I hadn't done that a whole bunch of times with you in limbo when we hunted something. After a while killing is just... a chore to be done on the way to supper"._

_"Dani had been twitchy all day during the hunt but I didn't think anything of it, she tended to be moody at times and I'm so not one to call out someone for being moody. After the kill she ended up deciding that since this was my first hunt I had to drink a cup of blood from the deer, usual first time hunter hazing ritual bullshit. Heck, that was nothing, you put me though far worse when you toughed me up those two years we spent together. Well, with me being me that was so not an issue. Drank it right down and got a refill just to show Dani who's who. Dani grabs the cup from me as she then decides to also take a big sip to prove just how bad ass she was. Funny thing, there's bad ass and then there's bad. You and I both know the difference. I'm bad, Dani isn't, at least not then; I don't know how she is now"._

_Well, she was still rather new at the whole Valkyrie thing and the taste of the blood from your kill kind of does for you if you're a Valkyrie. At the time I didn't think she knew that, I certainly didn't, but now... I... think she did. As I said, I think she'd asked me to hunt with her for a reason.   That... that she had decided to do something and that I was the best choice for what she had decided to do. After all, I was real good at keeping secrets, and... well back to that topic about being bad, nothing to corrupt. Which was ironic as... well I'd never... been with a woman"._

_"Dani... well she got this look in her eye, she then grabbed me and kissed me with her bloody lips which again so not an issue if you're me. I wasn't thinking clearly, guess I'd enjoyed the hunt and the kill too much, bit of a nice flashback I suppose, and didn't think the consequences through. And... the kiss was nice. She wanted, craved... relief and I... well I was attracted to her. I figured she knew what she was doing so why not"._

_"That was the first time I had sex since I'd left Limb, and it was even voluntary so rather a big first for me. Legal as well in the state of New York as I was 17ish; nobody really knows my age, including me. We... did it right there, right next and on top of dead deer. Which turned out to be a really big mistake"._

**Part 15c: The hunt (part a)**

It was a cold and somewhat damp morning. Up way before the crack of dawn (and just why does dawn have a crack? Is dawn a plumber or something?).

 

They were dressed for it, jeans, boots, and thick clothing on the both of them, plus some flimsily zip up orange hunting vests (state law) and two small backpacks. Dani had her bow and some knives. Illyana had Dani's spear and a knife (She felt funny having the spear. I mean a spear? Really?). But Dani had been rather insistent that a spear be brought, and that no fire arms were to be used.

 

They hadn't brought Brightwing, Dani's flying horse, as Brightwing tended to get... antsy around Illyana.

 

Dani led Illyana into the woods behind the school and Dani had started to track, well look for tracks. They were in search of prey.

 

Illyana had decided to play along with this whole thing. Dani had been moody of late, ever since she'd become a Valkyrie. They'd spoken about it, in private. Illyana was really the only source of magical advice that Dani had access to, but Illyana suspected that Dani wasn't telling the full story. Which was ok with Illyana as she rather fiercely protected her own secrets so wasn't about to begrudge Dani having a few of her own.

 

All thought the truth be told, Illyana even more denied her own secrets than hid them. She... refused to deal with issues that her secrets represented.

 

Illyana figured that Dani wanted to talk again and the hunt was a good excuse to get away for a day.

 

They'd been back from Asgard for awhile. Illyana was more... like her old self. Dani had found her very standoffish for a quite awhile. Most people would think that she was just being bitchy but Dani and Xi'an (Karma) had been very concerned. Illyana appeared mostly recovered, but... she was a bit more outgoing now, more... expressive. Dani wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Asgard has been different for everybody.

 

Doug had found it mostly lame and he swore that he'd never work in a restaurant. Rather understandable in that he'd ended up a thrall, a kind of slave, so Asgard had rather sucked all and all.

 

Rahne had found a wolf prince so it was a bit like a fairytale to her. She'd liked it. But was rather conflicted about wolf boy.

 

Amara had ended up as a fairy and was now rather pissed about the whole thing. She was quite glad to be human again.

 

Berto had been boy wonder with the ladies. Exotic and strong. He'd loved it. Nookie galore.

 

Sam had hung out with the dwarfs and had made more then a few friends amongst them. He'd liked it as well. Dwarfs really were fly over country folk in their outlook and behaviors, plus they love country western music and barbeques.

 

Warlock had mostly just hung out with Doug.

 

Dani had become a Valkyrie when the flying horse Brightwing had bonded with her. That had been really great, right up to the time she fled from the Valkyries because they were going to do something to her (she never did find out what).

 

Xi'an had gone from massive blobo to fit and health after her long extended time in a desert. She'd been the big Asgard winner, along with Dani.

 

Asgard has really really sucked for Illyana. Bound to a wall, starved, tortured, and magically split into two. Asgard had mostly been just a massive and extended trauma for her. Xi'an had tried to talk about it with Illyana, but Xi'an was mostly a stranger to Illyana and Illyana had rebuffed all attempts at discussing what had happened to her.

 

Xi'an had shown Dani what Illyana had done to the basement where she'd been chained and abused. The wall was completely broken and melted. And the guards who'd abused her... Well, not pretty. Illyana was dealing with issues as she almost always dealt with them, she ignored them. Dana was concerned, but Dani now had bigger fish to fry as it were.

 

Well, enough thoughts about Asgard for now.

 

Illyana found the hunt to be fun. Dani got a rabbit with an arrow after the first hour. She'd quickly gutted it and placed it in a game bag that was in her backpack (no sense hauling the entrails about, just added weight, kept the liver, heart, and kidneys though as properly cooked they are very tasty).

 

 _"Should have brought a bow"_ was Dani's snide remark to Illyana.

 

 _"I suck with the bow"_ Was Illyana's reply. _"You know that"._

_"Your choice. What are you going to do? Catch a rabbit with your hands or something"?_

_"Sure"._

_"Bull"._

_"I so can"._

_"Only if you use magic"._

_"Bull, done it a whole bunch of times. Don't need magic for that. Killings easy"._

Illyana was rather enjoying herself and the hunting comments just kind of slipped out. The hunt was... fun, reminded her of good times with Cat. Dani didn't comment about the statements, which would have reminded Illyana that she wasn't supposed to share such things. Asgard had been rough, and more then a few things had shaken loose within Illyana. She was still trying to put the genie back in the bottle as it were, and she was finding that parts just didn't fit in the bottle any more.

 

 _"Prove it. And no magic"_ was Dani's challenge.

 

Illyana did. They continued to move deeper into the woods and shortly spied another rabbit. Illyana ditched her backpack and crept off into the woods. Dani watched Illyana slink off in pursuit of the hare.

 

Illyana's form was good, low to the ground, and taking advantage of ground cover. Plus she was approaching down wind. Something Dani had not pointed out but apparently Illyana knew. This was a test of sorts, was Illyana a hunter? Illyana had never hunted before, or so Dani thought, but Illyana was definitely showing that she knew exactly what to do. A bit rusty, she was out of practice, but definitely not a bumble about the woods person like Doug was. But in this terrain there was no way Illyana was going to be able to get close enough to that hare.

 

Turned out that she didn't have to. Illyana suddenly stood up which startled the hare into a dash, which was apparently part of Illyana's plan. Illyana threw a smooth rock that she'd picked up from a stream they'd crossed a mile back (she'd gathered a dozen or so). Rock and hare met with a soft meaty thwack, which left the hare stunned. Illyana quickly ran up to the hare, picked it up and twisted its head thereby breaking its neck.  

 

Done, one dead rabbit. Illyana then quickly cleaned and gutted her kill as Dani had done hers.

 

_"See, told you"._

 

Most people would have asked where Illyana had learned that and who had taught her, which would have immediately engaged Illyana's privacy behaviors. But Dani said nothing about Illyana's skills.

 

 _"Nice throw"._ Was all Dani said.

 

Illyana replied. _"Don't get me wrong, I admire your archery skills, but the effort to get really good with a bow takes years and I'm just not interested in spending the time"._

_"No shame in that"._

_"So what now? More rabbits? Is squirrel on the menu as well"?_

Illyana was serious about the squirrels. Hey, squirrel is tasty, but small so you need a bunch of squirrels. That's when Dani really knew that Illyana had hunted extensively at the subsistence level as most hunters don't eat squirrel, or need to.

_"Naa, lets get something... bigger"._

_"Works for me"._

They went deeper into the woods.

 

**Part 15d: The hunt (part b), just what, and who, is being hunted?**

 

Over the next few hours Illyana slowly... changed. It wasn't physical, and her clothing stayed the same. It was attitude. Behavior. Little things. She was... really having fun and the girl just so had no problems with stalking and killing. This as a side of Illyana that Dani had never seen, but suspected was there. It was like... Illyana had let her hair down so to speak, like an act was being forgotten.

 

They now had killed two more rabbits, a pheasant, and two grouse. For those readers who get cranky about such things, well they were going to take the meat back to the school and cook it, they weren't just killing for the sake of killing. This was a hunt, not wanton killing

 

Looked like Illyana really was a hunter. And that was good.

 

Dani really really wanted Illyana to be hunter. Needed her to be a hunter.

 

Hunting wasn't enough any more. She needed, wanted... more. And... and she hated what she was feeling, what she... was planning, had planned. Had lied to herself that she'd planned. Pretending that she hadn't planned it. No no! This... this is just a hunting trip. A chance for some alone time with Illyana so we can... talk. Yea talk! Just... talk. Talk about...

 

Would she or wouldn't she. That was the thought that was beginning to dominate Dani's mind. Was Dani going to go thought with it? What would Illyana do? Would Illyana...

 

No! Dani wasn't going to go through with it. She was stronger then that, or so Dani kept trying to tell herself.

 

Yes! Yes she was. She was so going to try to...

 

Would she or wouldn't she. Internally Dani kept winding up ever tighter.

 

The hunt had begun poorly. Illyana had just hiked with Dani, yea she had walked softly and not talked, critical hunting behaviors; but she didn't even have a bow. How the hell was she going to kill stuff? It... it wouldn't work if Illyana didn't... hunt.

 

The list to pick from for the hunt was so poor. Nobody was quite right. Amara was kind of close, but so was not a hunter. So that meant she was right out.   Same with Berto.

 

Rahne felt wrong, but she was a wolf and... No! NO! **NO NO NO NO!** No! Not Rahne! That was wrong! So wrong! Why did that thought keep coming back? Rahne was... It would never work and Dani would hate herself so much. She needed it to be somebody else. It HAD to be somebody else! NO NO NO NO! Please! It had to be somebody else!

 

Sam was a hunter, but not the right kind. The vib was completely off at every level.

 

Dani wanted it to be Xi'an, but... it wouldn't work. Not really a hunter. Able to kill but... It wouldn't work. Dani just knew it. Vib was wrong as well.

 

Not a chance with Doug and Warlock was right out.

 

Storm's vib was right, but not a hunter. Killer if need be, but really the big no on the hunt so ixney on the Stormey.

 

Rogue would have been perfect. She was a killer, Dani could so just see it. And... and the vib was.. adequate. But no touching. That killed that idea. Not a chance with the no touching rule.

 

That left only Wolverine as the hunter, but thankfully the vib was massively off so not a twinge of temptation there.

 

Plus... this was going to alter... things. That was bad, not good. She needed somebody who could keep secrets really really well. Somebody that would never blab, plus... this could ruin so much.

 

That left... Illyana. And the vib was good. Really good. Screaming freaking by my ancestors she's F'ing beyond perfect good. She was a killer, after Asgard there was no doubts about that. Crap, Illyanas dark side had left a rather long trail of bodies behind her. But hunting? Illyana never had gone hunting to Dani's recollection.

 

But, there was fear as well. Fear of Illyana, fear for very good reasons. She... she might be too perfect. Moth to the flame perfect is so not good for the moth; and Illyana was very much the flame. Dani could see that now if she concentrated real hard. And... that whole demon thing. That... that was scary which... made it even more...

 

Need.   Need to try. She was desperate. Plus... Illyana knew magic, was powerful, she... she might not just be able to... help, but she might be able to really help.

 

The hunt was critical! The final part of the puzzle piece.

 

But. Shit the only one with a kill was Dani. One single rabbit and Illyana... didn't even have a bow. It wasn't going to work which meant it would get ever worse and she might... **NO!** In desperation Dani issued a snide challenge to Illyana.

 

A challenge that Illyana had taken. Great, now she's trying to sneak up on a rabbit, that's so not going to work. Yea, her form is good, keeping her scent down wind and using cover well, but there is no way that....

 

Thwack! The rabbit was down from the rock that Illyana had thrown.

 

Crack. The neck was broken with cold efficiency while ignoring the jerking of the body and the dying kicks from the legs; traits of a long term hunter. Someone who knew what she was doing.

 

It was like Dani was a guitar and somebody just thrummed a string. She felt herself go a bit warm and something clench up within her. She felt warmer watching Illyana gut and skin the hare. Illyana knew what she was doing.

 

Crap this might just work. Oh CRAP! This might just work. No! I don't want this to work. Yes! Oh God yes I want this to work. Need it to work! I... I don't want this... but I... need...

 

That's when the (would she or wouldn't she) thoughts really started. She being both Dani and Illyana.

 

Would she or wouldn't she? The more they killed the tighter Dani wound up.

 

Then they saw the buck.

 

 

**Part 15d: The hunt (part c), Prey**

 

Illyana whispered. _"I'll go down wind. Please don't hit me was an arrow. Drive him in my direction. Shoot for the heart if you can, if he runs he'll go 180 degrees away from you. I'll be there. You go over there. Give me five minutes but if he runs shoot immediately "._

It was a good plan. Obviously Illyana had tag team hunted quite a bit with somebody.

 

Illyana slinked off into the woods, moving carefully, the spear was no longer on her back but in her hands.

 

Dani had watched her go. Watched. The deer almost an afterthought, not the true prey. That was... NO!

 

I am so going to do this. NO!   No I'm not! Those thoughts now consumed Dani.

 

Now, it had to be now. Dani crept to the location Illyana had pointed to. Then rose suddenly and drew back on her bow.

 

The deer started and ran in the direction that Illyana had said, just as Dani also knew it would. It's a terrain thing. The buck would not want to get tangled up in the shrubs or trees. The obvious escape path in this instance was 180 degrees away from Dani.

 

Damn it! The angle was wrong. Dani couldn't get a good heart shot. The first arrow got the deer in the left flank as the dear dodged around a bush. That was it. The deer was a goner, but it might run for miles before blood loss finally got it. Tracking it would be a pain.

 

The second arrow went into the belly from the rear underside. Ugly shot but very lethal and would bring the deer down faster. Dani Notched a third arrow but that was when Illyana rose up out of a bush that she was hiding behind, right in the deer's path and thrust the spear right into the deer's side. Kill shot, Nicked the heart. The deer ran off with the spear still impaling it but only got another twenty yards before collapsing and thrashing about.

 

Illyana reached the deer first, she was closest. By the time Dani got there the deer was no longer thrashing as Illyana has sliced its throat. It was a good deep and long cut. Again something one only does after having done it more then a few times, not that Dani needed any more proof that Illyana was a capable hunter, she was.

 

Illyana was holding he buck's head back as the its life gushed onto the forest floor. The hot smell of blood filled the air.

 

I'm so fucked was Dani's both hope and fear. Moth to her flame. NO! Resist it! You're stronger then this Dani!

 

The deer kicked a few more times and that was that. Dani pulled her two arrows from the deer, and the spear, while Illyana continued to hold the deer head; just to be sure.

 

Illyana looked like Dani felt, excited. Illyana was also Thrilled. Happy, and she rather bloody from the spray of blood. She looked more then a little wild, and so... oh crap she was perfect.

 

 _"Help me adjust him so we can butcher him"_ was Illyana's comment. _"Man, this will feed the mansion for awhile. Who wants burgers when you can have venison"._

Don't! Stop! Don't do it was the thought screaming in Dani's mind. I won't. I'm not gunna. NO!

 

_"You... you need to drink the blood Illyana. Hunter's rite of passage, it's a tradition"._

NO!   Where did that come from! I'm not! I'm not going to...

 

Illyana gave a cool stare at Dani as Dani retrieved the sierra cup from her pack and handed it to Illyana. She was so not a first time hunter, that was obvious. But... well why not. It had been fun, really fun. She hadn't hunted in such a long time. Funny, Cat had made her do the same thing on her first large prey kill. She'd gagged and thrown up then, but now?

 

Illyana took the cup and held it to the deer's sliced throat, filling the cup. Then, still kneeling down by the deer, she drank it. Not in one forced gagging prolonged gulp, like most hunters do when undergoing this rather lame ritual. No, a series of swallows like she was drinking wine or some other fine beverage, not that she was of age to drink wine. Illyana had been in the wilderness of limbo for two years with Cat. This... this was nothing.

 

Then she licked her lips and smiled at Dani. Ha! You so can't psyche me Dani was the implied statement. Bader then you! Which to be honest she was. She bent down and refilled the cup just to prove it and then brought it back up to her lips.

 

Dani took the cup from Illyana.

 

_"Not so fast blondie. No way you're out bad assing me"._

NO!   No! Don't! It... it was Rubicon time.

 

But to be honest that river had been already been crossed when Dani had invited Illyana on the hunt, everything else was just protesting and lying. If it had worked it she was going to try to do it. Will she or won't she had never been about Dani, it had only ever been about Illyana.

 

This was all about the Valkyries. The bringers of the valiant dead from the battlefield to Valhalla. In no way were the Valkyries chaste, this is Norse mythology after all. They knew how to party and they partied hard, but only with select heroes... and each other. One had to be worthy after all, and by default a Valkyrie was worthy of another Valkyrie. Made choosing easy if they were in the mood and no males were around that they wanted and were worthy.

 

And one thing that got Valkyries in the mood was battle. That, and hunting. Every danger room session was like winding up a spring within Dani. Hunting had helped, relieved part of it, but... hunting also wound up another part of the spring. Valkyries were not raging nymphomaniacs, they had self control; but they were not mortal.

 

Dani was. This... caused problems. Big problems. Problems that the Valkyries were going to fix by removing Dani's mortality. She'd fled. She hadn't had this issue in Asgard because it took time to developed, plus... well the details were a bit blurry to her but she remembered some epic parties and... a really great time. They had always started after a big hunt, they'd get a back and drink hot wine that was rather salty as it had the blood of the kill in it.

 

Dani just knew if she took a sip of the deer's blood it was going to be so over for her. But she knew if she didn't then she was going to lose control soon, with no idea of when, where, or with who. At least now was a choice. And the person she was with, well she was a demon after all. Right? I mean she has to have done this like a thousand times. Right? Rahne had always been talking about how demons were always having sex and involved in orgies and other things, not that Rahne was an expert at orgies. Hell she blushed at anything even hinting at sex.  

 

But... but... but... Illyana was her friend and she'd never even talked about... but Dani knew that Illyana had to know stuff. Had to know in that when the girls are all talking and giggling about... _sex_ amongst themselves and Rahne was blushing up a storm, Illyana has so only listened and not really talked. Berto has once commented that he was sure that Illyana was gay and likely Kitty as well and they were roomies so how convenient was that. And... and... and...

 

Dani broke.

 

Dani took a big sip of blood. The taste was salty and the fluid thick, warm, and a bit slimy. She wanted to gag but didn't.

 

Then... then she grabbed Illyana, closed her eyes and kissed Illyana full on the lips.

 

To say Illyana was surprised would be an understatement. She had a shocked expression and her eyes were wide open as Dani gave her a truly passionate kiss. But she didn't pull back.

 

Finally Dani came up for air and pulled back.

 

 _"Chief, what the heck are you doing"?_ Was Illyanas question.

_"Please?! Please Illyana! Please!???"_ was the only answer that Dani gave.

Illyana stared Dani in the eye with that appraisal look she sometimes got.

 

_"You're my friend Dani, I don't want to do anything that... might..."_

 

Dani kissed her again with hunger. And unzipped the orange hunter vest from Illyana.

 

When again Dani came up for air Illyana was rather breathless herself. She stared at the trembling Dani, grasped the zipper of Dani's orange vest, and slowly unzipped it; giving Dani plenty of time to stop Illyana. Like the slowly unzipping zipper was the last chance for Dani to stop what Dani had started.

 

Dani didn't.

 

She again gave Illyana a frantic kiss while she clawed at her clothing.

 

The air was cold, the ground covered in leaves and a bit damp. Neither of them noticed.

 

The clothing was quickly shed and now Illyana was the aggressor. Dani sat on the deer's body while Illyana went right for Dani's clitoris with her mouth (which was a first for Illyana despite what Berto or Rahne thought. Heck ,Dani knew more about it then Illyana did, so much for the rumors).

 

Dani got what she craved. And she returned the favors with mouth and hands.  

 

It took awhile, there was a lot of spring unwinding to do.

 

Dani loved it.

Dani hated it.

Dani oh so massively did it.

 

Doing it on and next to the deer resulted in blood getting smeared on the both of them. Their lips and tongues took care of the blood on breasts and belly.

 

It was finally over, and Dani's post orgasms regrets started.

 

That's when Dani started calling Illyana names.

 

**Part 15e: Fading Mirages**

_"Shards afterwards she hated what she'd done, that she'd given into the Valkyrie urges. I guess having sex next to and on top of a dead deer was a bit... problematic, but the deer's body was warm and the fur was nice and it's not like it was covered in gore; although I suppose Dani wouldn't have noticed or cared at the time anyway. We did get a bit bloody as the deer did have the arrow and spear holes in it, and a slit throat, but we took care of the blood on our naked bodies which also later upset her"._

_"I think I had too much... fun. Which really bothered Dani when after we were done, and done took quite awhile. Why was I so ok with this when she wasn't and she was the instigator? It had given her another glimpse into what I was and... that's not pretty. I don't think she liked thinking of me that way and that I... had had no issues with what we'd done or where we'd done it. Which I suppose later bothered me in that it didn't bother me"._

_"Afterwards she rather freaked out about me, what we'd done, and about doing it on top of the deer. Called me a bunch of names, which got me rather huffy as this had so not been my idea, but before it got any worse she then just sat down and cried. That's when I realized that something was really wrong with her. She told me in-between her crying. The urges, the strange desires and dreams. The lust for battle and lust for... other things. And how it just kept building up and up with no relief"._

_"She felt like she was a cheap slut and that she wanted me to know that she just so wasn't into girls which of course was obviously not quite true. Well, she finally calmed down and we had a good talk. I was rather pissed that the other Valkyries hadn't told her about this, but then for all I know what had happened isn't an issue for them. I could see why she didn't want to talk to Magneto about it, or Storm; God she'd have died from embarrassment and shame. And Rahne was so not a person to bring up this kind of topic. So I guess she really did pick well"._

_"We would talk about her... urges from time to time whenever she needed to. And we... hunted a few more times after that as well. Whenever Dani just couldn't stand it any more. After the hunt we'd... well I'd make sure that Dani was de-urged, massively de-urged. Can't complain, I got as good as I gave. Never did on top of our kill again, which was good for Dani's state of mind. I never initiated, it was always her. I knew... knew that I valued friendship more and that what we did from time to time could destroy that for us. She finally got better control of herself and we never spoke about it again, which... made me sad. I liked her and she... never spoke of it again"._

 

Illyana gave a slightly bitter chuckle. _"Her blasted flying horse never did like me, tried to kick my head off once when I was in the stable by myself and had the audacity to try to pet it. Blasted thing would let Rahne touch it. Guess the whole demon thing just didn't sit well with horsie"._

 

Illyana went silent. She'd told her story and didn't really understand why she'd said what she'd said.

 

Katherine spoke, her voice slightly choked up. _"I'm... sorry Illyana. I... I didn't do it right. I... shouldn't have taken you into the wilderness"._

Illyana looked at Katherine across the flames. _"Why on earth would you apologize for that? That was the happiest time of her, I mean my life. It defines me in so many ways, it... saved her. Saved me. Don't apologize Katherine, it... it was the right choice regardless of... what Belasco wanted"._

 

_"It... shaped you"._

 

_"All things shape you. Katherine, Illyana died. I'm not her, I'm... what's left of her after a version of her was recreated and then... ruined"._

 

Katherine disagreed with Illyana's self assessment. _"I don't get it. You sound and act completely normal. Well, as normal as one can expect to be after... that"._

 

Illyana stood up, kicked the gazelle into the fire, and started shouting in a sudden rage.

_"Because I'm not me"!_

_"This is the version of me that's right for you! And it's what I **WANT. OH Gods how I want it"!** _

_"But it won't, can't, last. You have no idea just how... how... damaged I am. Twisted. Crazy. Obsessed. I... can't understand myself and how I think anymore, not since... since we ended up here. But that's the me I will return to when this is done. I... I know that. That's not your fault, it's how I was, how I'm fated to be and I really mean it when I say fated. I've met them, eaten with them. Bargained with them. Agreed to something I've forgotten but I'd do again in an instant for you"._

_"But this"!_ Illyana gestured in a circle and ended up pointing at herself.

_"This is all about you and ONLY you. What I want is less then meaningless to the enchantment. I know, I caste it! The only chance it could possibly have in working was it had to ONLY be about you. But I never expected that I would be so... so... "._

 

Illyana's rage evaporated. She finished with a whisper and not a shout.

 

_"happy"._

 

She gave a shrug and helped Katherine, who had also gotten up, pull the gazelle back out of the fire and put it back on the roasting stand.

 

_"Sorry, that just... came out. One thing I do know that when this is over, no more pretend with myself. I may not admit things to others. I may hide things, lie, mislead. But not to myself anymore. You did not make me into what I am out there Katherine. Belasco, curse him, the elder gods, double curse them, and I did this to me. No more pretend. Folks get to see me for what I am, not what they want me to be. And tough for them if they don't like it"._

Illyana sat back down.

_"That's why being with the New Mutant hurt me so badly over time; in a way they were right, so much is my fault"._

Katherine sat back down as well.  

 

_"So you're trying to sell me just how uncaring and insane you are outside of this enchantment"?_

A mumbled _"Yes"._

 

_"Insane I can believe considering this enchantment and what has happened to you, to... us. But uncaring? Naa, not buying. Not on what you apparently had to do to create this.  Were willing to do, hell did. I think... you care a great deal but can't comprehend it any more except for some specific situations. Likely tied to your rather unique form of crazy. I think... caring is in part what drove you insane"._

Illyana so did not buy what Katherine was trying to sell, but it did make a strange kind of sense.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really liked the last chapter, one of my better writing efforts I like to think. Always felt that there was more to Dani then was shown in the comic. Oh, this story had a tangential reference to a story that takes place after this story (Pride, Prejudice, Illyana and Zombies) a story I'm about to write more chapters for, but wanted to get this story done first.
> 
> To understand this chapter better you should first read There are no snowflakes in hell and Naked and afraid (in that order). Two stories I wrote that detail the re-embodiment/creation of Illyana 2.0. 
> 
> I shamelessly stole some minor Illyana stories from the comic (waiting for the trade) at tumblr dot com. The best, the very very best, online comic about comics (the author mostly does X-Men, and his Illyana is so perfect).

**Part 16a: Morning ruminations**

 

The nights were longer and colder now, and the days less warm as if the sun was losing power. Summer was gone and Fall had moved into the neighborhood and was starting to vandalize it. Many trees had brown leaves intermixed with green leaves and there were many patches of light golden grass now.

 

Katherine wasn't sure if it just meant the enchantment was entering a new phase, or that it foretold of the ending of the enchantment (she was rather sure it was a foretelling, Illyana certainly acted like it).

 

The cold nights kept resulting in Katherine finding herself waking up snuggled against Illyana for warmth (which Illyana apparently had no issues with). That was... nice, but problematic.

 

Katherine understood why Illyana had told the story about Dani. The invitation implicit in the story. An invitation that part of Katherine so wanted to take Illyana up on.

 

But... but Katherine wasn't sure about... Illyana's free will in that regards. And if you can't say no then it's rape no matter how you try to spin it or how receptive the person is. And rape was so not a thing Katherine ever was going to do to somebody.

 

Having endured... **THAT** it... it just was not something she could ever do, even to her worst enemy. Certainly not to somebody who was her sole remaining friend. Literally the only person in existence who cared about Katherine.

 

A friend she wanted to help but was finding herself powerless to aid. The more she learned about Illyana the more she realized that all avenues of aid appeared to be sealed, again likely caused by the choices Illyana had made to help Katherine. And... and by what had been done to Illyana.

 

 

**Part 16b: Night talks (Katherine stories)**

 

The night time chats by the fire continued for the next several weeks.

 

Both of them telling stories about their pasts. Sharing echoes of themselves that they had mostly never told anyone. Katherine because the people she could have told had actually lived the story so there was no need to tell. Illyana because she almost never had shared such details with anyone, except for Kitty (and even then Kitty had never learned of many things).

 

Katherine told of her life in Limbo.

 

Of her all too brief love affair with Peter, Illyana's brother, and his death to prevent even a worse corruption of Katherine. She had just been transformed into her Cat woman physical form by Belasco and Peter had fought S'ym to distract him while Wolverine had freed Katherine. That had been... bad times. Peter was dead because of her and she was now... now what she was.

 

Of her years in the wilderness with Wolverine being trained by him, learning to deal with her animal side. Learning to accept and live with... the love of the hunt, the kill, the... urge to fight. The savagery that she now was, could be. Skills with weapons, hand to hand, tracking and... killing. Ororo had not been pleased to see her kitten so transformed, but Katherine was the one who had had to come to terms with what she was and Wolverine had helped her (and had done exactly what Belasco desired long term, the creation of a very lethal warrior).

 

Of Wolverine's death in an attempt to free Ororo from her enslavement by Belasco. Many years into their imprisonment in Limbo, Ororo had ended up learning magic at Balasco's hands in an attempt to gain the tools to best him, and likely to free Katherine from her transformation. That... had not gone well. Ororo was a powerful sorceress and had given into the urge to destroy a defeated Belasco who had begged for mercy, for a chance to live, to be but her utter slave. That had been a symbolic trap. Ororo had in fact destroyed what she considered herself to be, resulting in her own binding and slavery to Belasco. And Belasco had used Ororo... most foully.

 

Wolverine had gone insane with rage. He and Ororo had been on again, off again lovers in Limbo. And her complete enslavement had pushed him over the edge. He stormed Belasco's castle with the trained Katherine at his side, only to be defeated by Ororo herself serving her lord and master with body and soul. Katherine had fled at the defeat, her heart broken. Wolverine had fought to free Ororo, and had died at her hand. All of his flesh burned from his metal skeleton while Ororo had screamed in triumph, in pain, in savage grief. Screamed at her utter slavery, hating it and reveling in it.

 

Of her years in Limbo alone. Hunted and yet somehow still free.

 

Of Ororo finding her freedom from what she was. A regaining of a soiled innocence, a reaffirmation of what she desired herself to be. The creation of Oak, something that had surprised Belasco in that a slave had escaped his bindings. And with Oak a part of Limbo was no longer his, a part that slowly grew in size. A place of peace. A refuge for Katherine when she had eventually stumbled across it and a now freed Ororo.

 

How, over time, Ororo and she had become part time lovers. Somebody to hold and find comfort with.

 

Of Katherine's decision to take Illyana away from Ororo because Katherine was convinced Illyana needed to be strong, hard, tough for the trials ahead. And how that... while right in so many ways... was wrong. She'd done the bidding of an unrealized master. She'd been nothing but one of the tools to shape and mold Illyana in the form that Belasco wanted.

 

And that she was so very sorry for the parts she'd played in the shaping of Illyana. That... she'd... wished...wanted... that there was someway for her to help Illyana.

 

 

**Part 16c: Night talks (Illyana stories)**

 

Illyana mostly told stories of the young Illyana, like telling the story was allowing her to actually live the experiences for the first time.

 

Going on a rollercoaster on Coney Island for the first time; and afterwards barfing her corndog, coke, and cotton candy all over Roberto (served him right was her thought).

 

Having a late night party with the older New Mutants. Her first and only experience with a beer bong and more barfing, this time while Dani held her up. Unlike Roberto, Dani managed to avoid any spew.

 

Sleeping with Lockheed the dragon curled up against her. How... the bad dreams always vanished when he was in bed with her.

 

Baseball games with the X-men. Such mindless fun.

 

Of Kitty, the Katherine that might have been. Shopping and teen behaviors.

 

The love of pizza. Oh shards that was good.

 

Of hiding herself in her room when the panic attacks and terrors came.

 

The pain that the constant mistrust by the New Mutants caused her. Especially Rahne whom she had thought would understand the best and instead was the worst.

 

Of teaching the New Mutants that pranking her was a very bad idea. Very bad. Only the X-Men and Kitty got to do that.

 

Of... regrets. So many.

 

Death and... no, not going to talk about **THAT.**

 

Of her journey in search of her bloodstones.

 

Odin and his... distain, dismissively rejecting her request for help.

 

Of dancing. Finding that music... helped. Helped her ever so slightly to... feel. One could pretend to... forget for awhile, lose one self in the dance.

 

A world of vampires and zombies, so like earth, and yet so... different. Of a women there that... could somehow almost be Cat's sister in behavior.

 

Of... many things.

 

 

**Part 16d: Random conversational snippets**

Illyana:

...

_"I think Odin found me to be... embarrassing. We're talking Norse god here so... abused woman are... kind of on the menu with his ilk. I don't think he liked... seeing the results of the abuse. Made him... uncomfortable. So it was easy to blame me instead of the abuser. In his eyes it was my fault and I was a demon so... so the implications of my... plight could be ignored. Ignored and dismissed. I... I asked for help and he... he... I'm not going to repeat what he said other then he thought that I'd... be better of dead so as not to annoy my betters. Bastard! Some day... some day I'm going to make him regret that"._

...

 

Katharine:

...

_"Ororo never really liked dancing and neither did Peter. Kurt liked to dance but he was the first to fall and be consumed by Belasco as it were. The remaining four of us escaped into Limbo but left Kurt as we thought him dead. And that was the end of the Kurt I loved as a friend and the beginning of Kurt the enemy. Wolverine of all things ended up mostly dancing with me, part of his battle training he claimed, but the guy really know a lot of dances"_

_..._

Illyana:

_..._

_"She... I got so tired of Rahne's bullshit. So many times she just wanted to... to show her the times Belasco raped her and ask Rahne if that was just. If that was ok that it had happened because I was a Demon Sorceress? Want Rahne to... to just face the massive hypocrisy of her actions"._

_..._

Katherine:

_..._

_"Hated it for so long. The strangeness of it, the love of the kill. The enhanced senses of smell and sound. I had trouble sleeping for years. But now... Now I can't really conceive of being other then I am and that... I don't really know. Should it bother me"?_

_..._

 

Illyana:

...

_" I took no… pleasure in existing. Pain. Everything is… was pain up to now. The lack of a soul was continual unrelenting agony. And others… like daggers cutting me up. Everybody and everything showing me what is gone from me… the hurt… the… I’m broken out there. Lost… confused… unable to… see… past what I am. What was done to me. Except... for being in here. It's like I'm... on drugs or something. I'm shielded from that. The missing or broken pieces of me... work in here. What I need... I want my soul back. I need my soul back! I want to be what… she was"._

...

 

Katherine:

...

_"Illyana stop burning the marshmallows in the fire! What do you mean you don't like marshmallows? How can you make s'mores with just graham crackers and chocolate? That's... wrong. Evil! Well... give me the bag if you're just going keep burning them"._

...

 

Illyana:

...

_"Yea, Kitty and Peter broke up because my brother is an idiot. Then... um... then her... your... father got involved with Japanese gangsters and Kitty ended up getting mind wiped into a mental copy of an ancient ninja but Wolverine saved her. That's how she got all ninja'ie and... changed her code name to Shadowcat. Um... please don't cry Katherine..."._

...

 

Katherine:

...

_"Miss computers. God I'm so rusty. Not a chip in sight in Limbo. No tech at all. Where did you get that IPod of yours and how did you create the special play button that picks songs that are... appropriate. Is it just magic or did you write some code"?_

...

 

Illyana:

...

_"Fundamentally the enchantment was about one thing. You will be free to shape yourself. Everything else is window dressing. Not fate, just choices. Just wish... wish I remembered what I'd done to create it"._

...

 

Katherine:

...

_"I kind of dream of going back to school. I mean, I'm still a massive nerd despite the impressive killing skills"._

...

 

Illyana:

...

_"Lockheed so didn't like Roberto. Kept... stealing his sun glasses and leaving them in other locations just to annoy him. Sometime's he'd swipe a shoe or a sock as well. Once... (giggle) he even pooped in his boot when Roberto took them off to swim in the pond. Drove him nuts. Kitty thought it was funny and so did I. Such a bad little dragon. Love that stinker"._

...

 

 

**Part 16e: Why? (Part 1)**

 

Somehow, without either of them really noticing, they now sat next to each other each night at the fire, no longer across from each other. Katherine felt... felt that... that they both had already made some kind of decision and... and she wasn't quite sure what the decision was yet.

 

_"What would you do Illyana if I asked you to stay with me after... this is over"?_

 

_"Obey... I think"._

 

_"Obey"?_

 

_"I don’t have much in the way of choices with you Katherine. I… took the ability to do most choices away from myself involving you. And we both know that I’ve bond myself to you"._

 

_"I don’t like that Illyana! I don’t want that"!_

 

_"It was… necessary"._

 

_"Why"?!_

 

_"I... I had to do it to remove a choice from myself I refused to do. I didn't just do it for you. I... I did it in part to make sure I could never... harm you again. I... I think it was part of the price for the enchantment to work. You had to have true power over me, for good or for ill"._

 

_"Can it be undone"?_

 

_“The choices? No. That was… part of the enchantment. The changing of fate. The binding? All bindings can be broken. But... this... isn't a binding in the traditional sense. I've... remembered that part after I... recovered from... what you... did. I'm your familiar as it were. Becoming a familiar is a one way path. That door is closed and gone"._

 

_"And if I ordered you to try to break it"?_

 

_"I… I would die. And fail. A familiar can never break the bond. Nor can the dominant entity in that binding. That does not mean we have to be... together. It's just that... you got  certain... benefits that were critical to regaining your choices"._

_"Like what"?_

_"Well you know where I am, which makes sense and I... I know where you are"._

_"I thought you couldn't determine my location"?_

_"I couldn't until... after I remembered. I think... that part took time to... sink in. But I know where you are now"._

_"Anything else"?_

_"You get the same mind shields as I have. And... the same magical immunity to mind enchantments. No vampire gaze is ever going to get you now, nor is a telepath ever going to be able to screw with you. Plus... I likely can sense any attempt to harm you and... and since I know where you are... that will be a poor life choice for whomever does that. Think of me as your guardian demon I guess"._

_"And you're happy with this"?_

_"Yes. Very happy with it"._

_"That's the enchantment talking now"._

_"No. No it's not. That's... me. Not her... me"._

 

_"Why... Why do I mean so much to you Illyana? I'm grateful... hell way beyond grateful for what you've done for me... but why"?_

 

_"You... saved me Katherine. Without you I'd be nothing"._

 

_"How is that possible"?_

 

_"I... was... in a very bad... way for a long time after... she was destroyed by Him. I hid, as I told you before, in a part of Limbo where time ran very fast. Hid and... was just afraid. I... I don't think time affected me then. I... I don't think I aged. I'm not sure... I age now"._

Illyana stared into the fire.

 

_"Don't know how long. It... I think it was a long time. In some ways I was like you when you were brought back. So damaged. Unlike you I was... am soulless, but like you I was very insane. But... I didn't have... anybody. After a long time I started to mark the wall of my cave with a line every time I woke up. Counting sleeps I guess, but I don't think I could count higher then one"._

_"After another long time I started to mark the other side of the cave wall, but I stopped and... drew a picture instead. A cat face. That... that was when... I really began. I drew more and... and I made a doll that I called Cat. It was all I had. I... something loved me. I knew that and if I could only... find it again then all the hurt and pain and... and... everything that... I would be ok. I so wanted... "._

A pause.

_"But it wasn't ok. A demon found the cave. Destroyed the doll and... I awoke in rage to what I was and... and my first real understanding of myself was that I'd killed... you. I so hated myself. Hated everything. I was in hell because... I deserved it... or so I thought at the time. Yes it wasn't a quite correct recollection but... but I so hated myself"._

_"How on earth does that equate to my helping you"?_

_"I... The first memory of love was remembering you. That... that was my first step past what I had been... reduced to. Illyana loved you Katherine. You meant so much to her. But me... You mean everything to me at so many levels. My utter self hatred of what I am is in part grounded in what happened to you and your death and... The chance to make amends, to atone, to... do the right thing, to thank you in the only way I could. That... means there's hope for me. I know that sounds very confused"._

Katherine had her doubts. _"Illyana how much of that is the enchantment and how much of that is... true. How much free will do you have in regards to me"?_

_I've lost most choices but I still have some. I can say no, but you can force me to do many things but not all things. You can't alter my mind. If I had allowed that then... you could have made me kill you. You can't make me like something I don't... like. My... feelings are my own, not the enchantments. The enchantment just makes me able to... understand and express them better; which was not my intent when casting it"._

_"I think... I can show you if you want. I can prove it. I'm your familiar, and that means that if I drop my mental shields I can likely share... memories with you like an animal familiar can share with their master"._

_"What would you share"?_

_"Why... why you matter so much. Why I did it. Why I had to do it. Why... you mattered so much that I was willing to... do this. To let you see... why I choose... this path"._

_"What do I have to do"?_

_"Just stare into my eyes and... open your mind"._

Katherine did and after a while everything changed.

 

 

**Part 16f: Why (Part 2)**

 

Katherine found herself standing in a cave with a dirt floor looking at a dingy whitish yellow wall completely covered with little lines, almost black with the lines. Like somebody had keep count but only remember the Roman numeral one **"I"**. It looked like... like there were thousands of lines.

 

This must be that cave she mused. She heard a sound to her left, where the cave opening was. She turned her head to see Illyana creep in and sit on the cave floor by the opening; and Katherine's heart broke at what she saw. Illyana apparently could not see Katherine, which made sense as this was nothing but a memory.

 

Illyana was in her Darkchilde guise, but naked, filthy beyond belief, and she stank. You could barely even tell she was blond and her hair was so short and... missing. She was very thin, starved, and she was clutching a small carcass of some dead creature.

 

Illyana sat by the cave opening and looked terrified. She started rocking back and forth and pulling at her hair Then... she ate the body. Ate it quickly. Then she hurried to the back of the cave and retrieved something.

 

It was a little straw doll. An indistinct figure. Illyana clutched the doll and started stroking the head and went back to rocking back and forth. She looked up to where Katherine was but did not see her. She was looking at something behind Katherine. Katherine turned.

 

The other wall was covered with crude pictures. Drawings of a cat. Sometimes feline. Sometimes a stick figure. The artwork was crude, like a three year old child had done it.

 

       xxxxxx  

   x               x

x     0     0     x

x         ^         x

   x     ___   x

       xxxxxx

 

At the center of the wall was a big figure with cat ears shielding a small figure from a smoky scrawl of something... bad. The big figure with the cat ears was between the bad things and the small figure.

 

Illyana then spoke, but only said one word. _"Cat. Cat cat cat. Cat"._ Then she kissed the top of the dolls head, curled up and went to sleep clutching the doll.

 

Time passed. Katherine did not sleep herself. She sat watching Illyana and began to truly understood why she mattered so very much to Illyana. Sat and... and cried. Cried at what Illyana had become. Cried at what Katherine had become. Cried in both grief and rage at what had been done to the both of them.

 

After a while Illyana awoke suddenly. Awoke in convulsions with her head bashing against the floor. Awoke and wept over some dream while rocking back and forth clutching the doll.

 

Illyana picked up a piece of charcoal that Katherine had not noticed, and make a new _"I"_ on the wall, somehow finding space. She then just sat and hid by the opening of the cave for a long time clutching and stroking the doll. After what felt like an eternity of doing absolutely nothing Illyana had gotten up and hidden the little doll at the back of the cave and had left to find food and or water.

 

Katherine stayed behind, not sure what the purpose of this whole extended memory sequence was. She decided to await Illyana's return.

 

After an hour or so something else came into the cave, again ignoring her as if she did not exist, which in fact she did not. It was a minor demon, two legs and arms, horns, claws and a short stubby tail. It sniffed about the cave and ended up retrieving the doll from the back of the cave. It angrily threw the doll to the floor and crushed it with its foot.

 

That's when Katherine heard a whimper. Illyana was back. The demon also heard and roared a challenge. Katherine could see Illyana by the cave entrance, she was turning to run but her eyes were fixed on the crushed doll.

 

The demon roared again... Illyana's eyes went from the doll to the demon. Her expression metamorphosed from grief to rage. Utter rage. Her eyes began to glow and she stood up tall.

 

Illyana screamed! Screamed at the demon! Screamed but one word and attacked.  

 

_" **CAT"!**_

 

It was short and it was brutal. Katherine was both proud and horrified. The minor demon never stood a chance. By the end the demon was dismembered and Illyana was covered head to toe in its blackish red blood while clutching the demon's heart with her left hand.

 

Illyana's body language had change. Gone was the meek and scared creature Katherine had first seen. Now Illyana stood straight and... screamed in anguish. Screamed and spoke.

 

_"CAT"!_

_"She's... Cat's gone"!_

_"I... I'm... BAD! I... NO NO NO NO **NO NO NO** "!_

 

Illyana smeared more black blood from the floor onto her right hand and strode to the drawings on the wall, where the big figure was shielding the small figure.

 

She drew a bloody X over the small figure and screamed abuse at herself. How she was evil, how she was bad, how she was in hell because she deserved it! She'd killed Cat and she must have deserved everything that had happened! **EVERYTHING!**

 

The tirade of self abuse finally trailed off and Illyana started to munch on the raw heart. That's when the memory faded away and Katherine returned to herself to find herself weeping and still staring into Illyana's eyes.

 

_"That's why you matter Katherine. More then Kitty, more then Peter. More then... anybody. The perception of your love is all... that I had. And then it was stolen from me and replaced with self hatred and even more madness. But now... the chance... the chance to... redeem you... as I was... not... I had to try. And... and I found you again. I found my Cat... and she really did make it all better"._

 

Illyana hugged Katherine just like she was a little girl again. They fell asleep next the fire that night. Katherine holding Illyana rocking her to sleep, just like... just like the lost Darkchilde had so yearned for back in the cave.

 

Illyana was not cured. Her soul was not returned. But a least a piece of her horror was now... replaced with what she had so long sought for.

 

And Katherine... felt... good about herself for... for the first time.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is so not the story I tried to write. But Illyana and Cat just would not cooperate on the writing. Both have so many issues. Both wanted, needed, affection and acceptance. I also continue to use music to tell part of the story.

Hmm, here is a brief definition of what a familiar is (ahh got to love the Internet).

 

Familiars are a witch’s companion, an animal bird, creature, or demon that helps the witch with magic, it is not necessary to be a witch to have a familiar. A familiar is not owned by its companion, it uses freewill and intuition when its decision is made.

 

Over the centuries familiars have taken many forms, but no matter what their form their task is to assist the witch, the familiar helps with different types of magic, and helps direct manipulations of natural energies contained in stones, herbs, astrological aspects and in the four elements.

 

The familiar, whether astral or physical, can help to enhance the witch’s power, they are healers and guardians who can warn the witch of danger, or in the extreme defend the witch.

 

A familiar is an utterly loyal companion. Familiars are given psychic protection by their witches, they are sensitive to psychic vibrations and power, and they also visibly react in the presence of any evil or negative energy (But rather the reverse in this case for Katherine).

 

**Part 17a: Shifts**

 

Morning rose and Katherine awoke with the glare of dawn in her eyes. Her back was propped up against the log that Illyana and she had been sitting on.

 

Illyana was lying down on the ground with her head resting in Katherine’s lap, her faced turned towards the now only lightly smoking fire. Illyana spoke, she was already awake.

_“Good morning Katherine”._

 

Katherine shaded her eyes with her right hand from the glare.

_Good morning Illyana”._

 

Illyana slowly sat up. _“Not nearly as comfy as the sleeping pads but… so very nice none the less. Thank you Katherine. That… meant so very much to me. I… I so longed for that. For somebody to rock me to sleep. To… I have no words to describe what you just did for me”_

 

Katherine kissed the top of Illyana’s head, and then got to her feet. _“We smell of smoke and dust. We both need a shower”._

 

That’s when they both noticed that the landscape had transformed once again. They had built a fire pit by the concealed lean-to. But now the fire pit and the concealed lean-to was close to the pond and the exercise pad (it was just a hundred feet away).

 

 _“Ok… that’s more… convenient”_ stated Katherine.

 

Katherine helped Illyana to her feet and they walked over to the thorny grove that concealed the lean-to to get fresh clothing (the enchantment was frustrating, but the laundry service was great). The pads were gone, replaced with a single queen sized bed with blue silk sheets and a mass of pillows.

 

Illyana and Katherine looked at each other with slightly amused expressions.

 

 _“Presumptuous. We… haven’t even done anything”._ Stated Illyana.

 

 _“Yet…”._ Replied Katherine as she turned away to get some clean cloths.

 

Katherine enjoyed the smell of shocked surprise from Illyana.

 

Things had... shifted. Katherine wasn't quite sure in what way but... she no longer wondered about Illyana's free will in regards to Katherine. She wasn't sure where this was going, but... well she no longer worried about it. She understood now why she mattered so much to Illyana, understood and... and was content.

 

The evenings continued by the fire, but now they cuddled and talked less.

 

That night the moon rose in the evening sky (for the very first time).

 

 

**Part 17b: Phases we go through**

 

It happened during a practice sword fighting session a week later. Katherine was over extended and Illyana's wooden sword was about to rather painfully connect with Katherine's left shin (a very rather crippling strike if that has been a real sword).

 

Katherine phased.

 

The sword passed harmlessly though her leaving Illyana slightly off balance, which Katharine took advantage of by tripping her.

 

 _"No fair! That's cheating"_ Was Illyana's first outburst from the mat.

 

Then she had cheered!.

 

_"Finally! I had almost given up hope that you'd ever phase again"!_

 

Illyana sat up, threw back her head and screamed in joy!

 

Katherine braced her wooden sword on the mat, leaned on it, and looked down up Illyana.

 

_"You are far more excited about this then I. It... I just didn't feel like phasing"._

Illyana kicked the sword from beneath Katherine causing her to lose her balance, resulting in Illyana grasping Katharine and pinning her face down on the mat.

 

_"Never gloat over a fallen foe! You know better then that. You taught me that lesson so many times"._

Illyana backed off and they resumed sword fighting, but now they concentrated on Katherine phasing at select moments during the fight. Illyana never again won a practice session if Katherine used her phasing power. Katherine had once been one of the most feared physical fighters in Limbo due to her ability to phase. She was again such a creature.

 

Later they relaxed in the small hot pond. Illyana was floating while Katherine relaxed against the pond wall.

 

_"Illyana... when this is all over... what do you want"?_

 

Illyana raised her head from the water (her ears had been under water).

 

_"What"?_

 

_"When this is all over. When the enchantment is done. What do you want"?_

 

Illyana answered quickly as she half swam, half walked over to Katherine.

 

_"My soul. If allowed I will resume my pursuit of my soul"._

Illyana reached where Katherine was and sat on the underwater shelf next to her.

_"Allowed"?_

_"You... can overrule that. I... I hope you won't"._

_"Do... do you want me to... help you"?_

Illyana took Katherine's hands in hers.

_"No.... I... I'm not… right… out there. I.. I would so... hate for you to see me as... as I am. I don't think you need that. I think you need... normality"._

_"After all you've done for me Illyana it would... it would be... I owe you better then that"._

_"NO! No you don't! You... you are only just begun to... move forward. I... want you to... move forward. I'm... frozen. Locked into what I... If you've with me then... then I don't think I'll be able to do the things I need to do"._

Illyana shifted the topic of conversation.

_"What do you want Katherine"?_

Katherine opened her mouth but paused. Then she closed it and thought for a bit.

_"I... can't say it yet. I think... it's all over if I say it. Like that's the last thing left before this is all done. Deciding what I want"._

Katherine continued. _“I… I don’t know. I… I’ve lived almost my whole life in Limbo. Everybody died… even me. I… I even killed… half of the X-Men who were trapped here. Kurt and… Ororo. You may have ended Ororo's life, but it was I who cut her down. She was dying, you just… ended it better then Belasco was going to. I… thank you for that”._

Illyana replied. _"Katherine, I want you to move forward, as lame as that sounds. I... as I said I don't... want you to come with me on... my pursuit. I don't.... think you'd survive it. I don’t think you… can. And... that would... I wouldn't be able to take that. I... need you to go on, move past this"._

_"It... makes me feel... Like I'm abandoning you"._

_"Katherine we... can be apart, but never truly separated as I'm your familiar. You know that now I think. I... I know that now. I need... want you to... pick you. Make what I've done matter"._

_“And if I pick you”?_

Illyana sighed. “ _I would like that so very much but… It won’t work. Try if that is your desire. I won’t lie, it is mine”._

_“I choose you”._

Nothing happened. The enchantment did not end.

_“That choice does not exist anymore. Fate”._ Illyana had tone of regret.

_“Why”?_

_“It… just is. Choices. I had to… It just is”._

_“There’s something you’re not telling me Illyana”._

_“I’m… not quite sure. I’ll… tell you once this is over. Once I again know what I did”._

**Part 17c: Mischief**

It was last afternoon the following day. The two of them were luxuriating in the waterfall shower (the water was delightfully warm). Illyana had exited the shower first and was busy drying off with a towel (the enchantment apparently loved providing nice fluffy towels, shampoos and soaps).

 

Katherine had her back to Illyana while water continued to cascade over her. She asked Illyana to pass her a towel.

 

Illyana got a wicked and mischievous grin on her face. She quickly wrapped up her towel into a rats tail (the kind of shape kids us to smack each other with). Then…

 

 _“Yes Mistress”_ Illyana said as she smacked Katherine right on the ass with the towel whip.

 

Crack!

 

Katharine shrieked in surprise and turned. Illyana had a devil may care grin. She stuck out her tongue, turned and ran for it.

 

 _"You little brat! Come back here"!_ Katherine took off after Illyana.

 

Katherine chased Illyana around and around the little pond before finally cornering her against the far side by the falls, tackling her and proceeding to tickle her (only Katherine and Kitty knew was just how ticklish Illyana could be).

 

Now it was Illyana's turn to shriek.

 

Katherine finally relented and looked down on the pined Illyana, and then she kissed her.

 

It was a passionate kiss that Illyana reciprocated.

 

But then Illyana pushed Katherine away in sudden rejection.

 

_"No! No I won't! Won’t… do that to you"._

Katherine sat back and stared at Illyana.

_“Won’t do what”?_

 

_“I… I’ve let this go too far. I… shards I want… It’s not fair to you what I want. This all will end and… and I don’t want you hurt Katherine”._

 

_“I can feel that you want me. Can sense it”._

 

_“I… do”._

 

_“And I want you”._

_“I know”._

_“So why… not”?_

Illyana was getting agitated. _“Because… I don’t want you hurt. It’s not going to last. I’m not going to last. And… I love you to much to do that to you”._

_“And I don’t get a choice in this”?_

Illyana just looked at Katherine with longing and regret.

_“I don’t know why the enchantment has become so focused on the “us” and not you. It doesn’t make sense. It’s almost as if…”_

Illyana gave Katherine a piercing look.

 

_“You’ve… you’ve figured out some way to hack the enchantment haven’t you”?_

 

_“I think so. In summary it’s just a binary tree search and reset. And… I’m a better programmer then you. I have no… control. Just… just the ability to… nudge it”._

 

_“Nudge it? In what way”?_

 

_Choices and needs. I… need to help you. The enchantment is just a search and choice tool. My… decisions and choices changes the parameters as it were”._

The moment has passed. Katherine stood back up. _“Come-on. Let’s get dressed and hunt up supper”._

Katherine had learned several things. Her desires were most defiantly echoed. And… Illyana definitely had the ability and the free will to say no.

 

Illyana could choose… that removed any last lingering doubts Katherine had.

**Part 17d: Stand by me**

The sun had set and the two of them were on a blanket cuddling by the fire. The light of the full moon was bathing the landscape. They were spooning and Illyana was on the outside of the spoon, her arms wrapped around Katherine.

 

The weren’t kissing. But the mood was right. Katherine spoke softly.

 

_“Illyana, you told me you liked to dance”._

 

 _“Yea”._ Was all that Illyana said. She has happy and content and… safe. Felt so nice. If only she could stay this way forever.

 

_“Would you like to dance”?_

 

Illyana blinked in surprise and refocused on what Katherine was saying.

 

_“Umm…”_

 

Katherine stirred and stood up and helped Illyana to her feet as well. Illyana was uncertain. This… this felt like taking yet another step on the path she was trying to avoid.

 

Katherine walked over to the exercise platform and hit the special play button on the IPod. She then danced alone while Illyana watched. The light of the moon illuminating her. The song was Has anyone ever written anything for you by Stevie Nicks.

 

Has anyone ever written anything for you?

In all your darkest hours, did you ever hear me say

Listen to me now, you know I'd rather be alone

Than be without you, don't you know

 

Has anyone ever given anything to you in your darkest hours?

Did you ever give it back?

Well, I have, I have given that to you

If it's all I ever do this is your song

 

And the rain comes down

There's no pain and there's no doubt

It was easy to say, I believed in you everyday

If not for me then do it for the world

 

Has anyone ever written anything for you?

And in your darkest sorrow did you ever hear me sing?

Listen to me now you know I'd rather be alone

Than be without you, don't you know

 

So, if not for me, then do it for yourself

…

…

 

Finally the song and the dance was over. Katherine smiled as she walked back to Illyana.

 

_“Your turn”._

 

Choice. This was a choice. Yet another step on a path she so wanted to walk. Shards she hated that special button on the IPod now.

 

Was this how Dani had felt? Such longing?

 

No?

No.

 

Dani had been urges. Physical needs. A driving, ever rising compulsion. That might have been replaced with this feeling if Dani had ever… but she hadn’t.

 

This… this was about being needed, wanted.

 

Loved.

 

Almost as if she was sleep walking Illyana walked over to the IPod and also pressed the special button and danced to the song she summoned. It was Nothing left to say by Imagine Dragons.

 

Who knows how long

I've been awake now?

The shadows on my wall don't sleep

They keep calling me

Beckoning...

Who knows what's right?

The lines keep getting thinner

My age has never made me wise

But I keep pushing on and on and on and on

 

There's nothing left to say now... [2x]

I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now... [2x]

There's nothing left to say now... [2x]

I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now... [2x]

 

Below my soul

I feel an engine

Collapsing as it sees the pain

If I could only shut it out

I've come too far

To see the end now

Even if my way is wrong

I keep pushing on and on and on and on

…

…

I keep falling, I keep falling down...

I keep falling, I keep falling down...

Hey!

I keep falling, I keep falling down...

I keep falling, I keep falling down…

If you could only save me

I'm drowning in the waters of my soul

…

…

 

And then the song was over. Illyana stood shivering on the platform. She now so understood how Dani had felt. Katherine walked onto the platform and led Illyana back to the IPod.

 

_“Now both of us. Let both of us hit the special button at the same time”._

Illyana looked down at the ground. Murmured _“I’m scared. Scared of what will come. Scared of… you. Scared of us”._

She looked back up and into Katherine’s eyes. _“And… I like it”._

_“Good. I like scared sometimes. It’s the Cat in me”._

They both hit the special play button at the same time. Ben King’s Stand by me started to play. Illyana and Katherine embraced and began to dance.

 

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we'll see

No I won't be afraid

Oh, I won't be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

 

So darling, darling

Stand by me, oh stand by me

Oh stand, stand by me

Stand by me

 

If the sky that we look upon

Should tumble and fall

Or the mountain should crumble to the sea

I won't cry, I won't cry

No, I won't shed a tear

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

…

…

 

They danced for hours. And…

 

That night they made love for the first time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I finally had them go all the way as it were. Not quite what I was planning but the characters just refused casual encounters. Intimacy at all levels or nothing. Great, so now what? Young and in love (at least Illyana is young, Katherine is likely in her late fifties but does not show it).

**Part 18a: Enraptured**

It was still nighttime. Katherine and Illyana were sprawled naked in bed. Katherine was lying on her back with her head on a pillow and Illyana was lying next to Katherine, at a bit of an angle, and entwined with Katherine. Illyana had her head resting between Katherine’s breasts with a ear to her chest. She was listening to Katherine.

 

Listening to and feeling Katherine purr.

 

Illyana had only heard Katherine purr once before. Back when Illyana had been roughly eightish years old and Illyana had hunted down and killed the demon who had ambushed them and hurt Cat. Katherine had been so proud of Illyana. She'd purred her approval and love then (No, Katherine had not told Illyana that she had rigged that little learning lesson. It was a proud childhood moment for Illyana and Katherine saw no reason to take it away).

 

It was a purr of love, of contentment, of feline sensual satisfaction.

 

The thorny bush and tree was gone. Now it was just the bed exposed to the night sky. A sky that was ablaze with stars and seven moons.

 

Illyana now knew the difference between sex and making love.

 

It had began slowly, gently. Both of them loving, touching, squeezing each other. Gentle kissing and licks. Moans of approval and desire. Stroking that grew in intensity. Katherine was a dominant but gentle aggressor. And Illyana the compliant companion, quick to experience, learn, reciprocate.

 

Each had been uncertain as to the needs, wants, and enjoyments of the other. But they had learned what the other liked.

 

It had built and built and built. Neither of them interested in a quick climax, but in the end the climax took the both of them.

 

Now they cuddled and nuzzled. After a while Katherine bent down and whispered something in Illyana’s ear. Illyana’s eyes grew wide with surprise, anticipation, and some apprehensive concern.

 

Katherine repositioned Illyana so she was at the head of the bed, her arms upraised clutching the headboard. Katherine then began to slowly lick and kiss her way down Illyana’s body, and being a bit of a cat, her tongue was rougher than human norm.

 

It took a long time to reach the V between Illyana's legs where the true assault began.

 

This time it was less gentle, less soft. But oh so good.

 

Illyana ended up screaming into the night sky. Struggling to get away, struggling to stay put. Clenching and writhing in pleasure. Helpless and held in place by Katherine as Katherine... well took her.

 

They both loved it.

 

Finally Katherine was done and then...

 

Then... the roles were reversed and Illyana attended Katherine with what she had learned.

 

And so the night went...

 

 

**Part 18b: Morning glow**

 

Illyana and Katherine were naked and asleep in bed, cuddled together. Katherine awoke first and glanced around the bed in surprise. Her movements caused Illyana to stir.

 

 _"Where did the tree and bush barricade go"?_ Katherine mused out loud.

 

 _"Hmm"?_ Was all Illyana said back.

 

_"The tree. It's gone"._

Now Illyana opened her eyes and raised her head to look about. Then she spoke.

 

_"What do queens of Limbo have to hide from"?_

 

_"Queens"?_

_"Queens. I rule Limbo. You rule me"._

Katherine gave Illyana a slow kiss on the lips and then whispered _"Deal"._

 

_"Good. Works for me"._

With that they both just luxuriated in being in bed together for a while.

 

Katherine did chuckle to herself. Illyana was stunning ignorant about certain things for a Hell Lord.

 

An ignorance Katherine spent the next two weeks rectifying.

 

It was the happiest time in Illyana’s life.

 

 

**Part 18c: Endings**

 

The days were even shorter now. But somehow that made their activity more frantic. As if they were trying to experience as much as possible before the ending; and they both sensed that an ending approached.

 

They hunted and battled and danced upon the training mats.

 

They hunted and battled and danced up the bed as well.

 

Afterwards they sometimes felt that the swords left them less fatigued then the acts of love.

 

It was a sweet and wild time.

 

Like all good times it ended.

 

Why did it end? Was Fate getting cranky at the delays in events that Fate had planned?

 

No.

 

They were not Peter Pan. This was not Never Never Land. Neither of them sought its end. It's just that the Cradle has a purpose, a goal.

 

That goal was reached. Regardless of what Katherine wanted. She did not have to pick, she internally know what she wanted to do when this ended. That was enough, it did not have to be voiced out loud.

 

It happened the morning of the third week since they became lovers. As they lay in bed cuddling there was a crack like the braking of a pane of glass.

 

And the enchantment ended with a whimper instead of a bang.

 

Katherine heard the crashing glass sound and felt Illyana freeze up. Katherine wanted to ask about the sound... but she somehow knew. As it to punctuate the point, waterfall cascading over the cliff suddenly stopped.

 

 _"That's it. Time for goodbyes"_ Illyana whispered from within the sudden embrace of Katherine.

 

_"I don't want goodbyes"._

_"I don't either... but... but it has to be. I choose... Katherine you're not leaving me. I'm... I'm leaving you. I have to go away"._

Illyana sat up in bed. Katherine did the same.

 

_"I need my soul and... and I'm not... going to be... healthy"._

_"I can still come with you Illyana. I can help you as you've helped me"._

_"No my Cat... no. It... it won't be... good for you. I... know... this"._

Illyana embraced Katherine.

 

_"Please... please do this one thing for me. I need you to be safe. I need you to continue to recover. You know what it is you want. Give voice to it now. I know you want me to be a part of it. Assume... that I am and give voice to it"._

Katherine spoke into the Illyana's neck as she nuzzled her.

_"I... I want... normal. I'm so tired of magical quests and super heroes and mutants. I can't go back to your world where... my dead yet live. I can't face Ororo, Peter, Logan and... and Kurt. I can't. I... I just can't. I want... to go to school. Live a normal life for awhile; at least as normal as ones such as we can have. And I want you there with me"._

They looked into each other's eyes. Illyana then spoke.

_"I know of a place that meets both of our needs. But I can't promise the last part. I know some folks who... might help. But I must then leave you and return to the Cradle to be at its ending. That... must be. And I must do it alone. I... I can't promise what will happen after that. But know if I can I will return"._

_"Why"?_

_"Fate"._

_“Fate is cruel”._

_“ **No!** The ladies were kind. So very very kind to me and... so very kind to you. I love them very dearly for what they allowed to be. But not nearly as much as I love you my Katherine"._

_"And if I commanded you"?_

_"NO! **NO!** Oh gods NO! IT... it will fail. You will die and I'll... I'll kill myself over... what becomes of you"._

Illyana's hysterical and sudden outburst both alarmed Katherine and definitely reveled that Illyana knew something. Something she was not sharing with Katherine.

_"What are you not telling me Illyana"?_

_"That... that we... I have no choice in this. For you to... heal this is what had to be. I'll... explain later. Please Katherine... do this for me"._

In the end Katherine gave in. They embraced and... well...

 

They said farewell as lovers do.  


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To really understand the next few chapters you really need to have read the story Scary Things where I have Illyana visit Anita Blake's world (yea a plug for another one of my stories) for the first time. For the Anita Blake chapters I try to write in the style of Laurell K Hamilton and the story is mostly written from Anita's perspective. 
> 
> Most of content of the remaining chapters I wrote several months ago so there may be a bit of a publishing burst over the next few weeks.
> 
> Anita Blake is zombie rising vampire hunter written by Laurell K Hamilton. Interesting premise that actual works quite well, it helps that that author is very skilled. Anita is also bound to a vampire (by the name of Jean-Claude) who is master of the City of St Louis. Anita is also a were that does not change in that she has the lycanthropy virus for leopard, wolf, and likely a few other were strains. She is in charge of a wereleopard clan (called a Pard). 
> 
> Anita also has a number of boy friends through no fault of her own. Read the actual books for details.

**Part 19a: St Louis visitation rights**

It was a cold and gusty St Louis March night. There was a roaring fire in the fireplace and I was cuddled between two of my favorite cuddle toys, Nathaniel and Micah. I was wearing panties and big gray tee-shirt, many sizes too big, with a penguin on the front. They weren't wearing much of anything other then some briefs. We were on the floor with blankets and pillows drowsing in front of the fireplace.

 

It was nice. Nobody had tried to kill me for over a month. The _ardeur_ was under some control, meaning I could actually go forgo sex without the _ardeur_ trying to turn me into a bitch in heat every 12 hours or so. Still had to have frequent sex (inconvenient at times but hell there are worse fates), but at least I had more control over the timing. Well... most of the time I had control.

 

We had moved back into my rebuilt house just two weeks again, much to the delight of the Pard (they so loved having somebody else's house as the club house). It's amazing how fast a house can be built if there is sufficient motivation, meaning money. Most of the Pard was in the kitchen binge eating chocolate cake. Damn I envied that fast metabolism they had. Vivian was upstairs with Stephen, her werewolf boyfriend, having a good time.

 

The doorbell rang and Cherry went to go see who it was. With that the wonderful evening ended as if somebody had turned on a fire hose of ice water on the crowd.

 

 ** _"SHIT! IT'S HER! IT'S HER! IT'S CHILDE"!!!_** Cherry's panicky screams rang out as she fled from the still closed front door, racing to hide in the back of the house.

 

Oh shit was my first thought, and second and third and fourth and fifth and... well you get the picture.

 

Childe, well Magik was a better name for her I guess, had not left this plane of existence in a happy mood. I guess being burnt alive and the attempted binding had something to do with that. Hey, my house got destroyed in the process so I wasn't happy either. But... she had gotten the worse end of that little deal.

 

Everybody in the house froze, apart from Cherry who was now panting in terror in the back of the house; can't say I blamed her. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (like there was a mouse in a house full of were cats). Then there was a knock at the door.

 

With a resigned sigh I stood up and gestured for my two guys to stay put. I didn't bother to retrieve a gun as I walked to the front door. Hell, a gun had a better chance of hurting Magik if I hit her with it instead of shooting her. If Magik was here for revenge then I didn't think that there was much that I, or we, could do about it. Funny, I didn't hear any screaming like I always did every time when she was here for that that little Egyptian trip of hers.

 

If Magik was out for blood then I didn't think she'd be ringing the door bell or knocking.

 

I mentally braced myself and opened the door.

 

It was Magik all right, dressed in some kind of torn deer skin leather bikini of all things. Standing behind her was a tall brunette women with green cat's eyes instead of human eyes and a felinish face, looked like she was mid thirties. The brunette was dressed in a white shirt and jeans.

 

Magik looked... hell, looked and felt human. Normal. Well... almost normal.

 

She still had that wolves scent mixed with gunpowder and black pepper, but she didn't feel like she'd felt before. Didn't feel... demonic. I could still feel her power, but it was reined in, not so overwhelming pervasively expressed. She didn't feel weak, just... restrained this time.

 

And the night of surprises continued. Magik asked... asked instead of demanded.

 

_"Hello Anita. May my friend and I come in"?_

The brunette was staring at Magik with a stunned and exasperated expression on her face. She spoke with a tone of astonishment and slight rebuke, like she was her mother or older sister or something. I learned the answer to an old question, not like the answer could do anything for me now.

 

_"Illyana Nikolievna Rasputin, what the hell motivated that"?_

I guess she was referring to the screaming that had proceeded the door opening. Yea, Magik had that kind of impression on people. A very deserved impression I might add. My house burning down had been the least of it. Hell, the great pyramid of Khufu is a collapsed still smoking ruin (no one was quite sure why it was still smoking), but that's a different story.

Magik, well I guess Illyana now, had a pained and vaguely embarrassed expression, like somebody had just let the cat out of the bag. She spoke to the brunette.

 

_"I'll... tell you later"._

Yea I let them in. Like... what else could I do?

 

 

**Part 19b: Pard business**

We were all in my living room. All of the Pard, even Cherry. We'd sent Stephen home as this was Pard business now; private. The Pard was in a circle and the brunette, turned out her name was Katherine, was in the center of the circle. She was being examined by the Pard.

 

Magi... well... Illyana I guess, had explained what she wanted and then had walked outside to leave us to Pard business. Odd, she could have just ordered what she wanted and frankly we'd have done it. Yea, we would have fought not to but... Magik was just oh so good on making requests that left you with no choices.

 

Which made this odd. She'd been very emphatic that it was our decision, and that there would be no consequences for saying no.

 

Which was really odd. Since when did Magik start asking instead of demanding or telling? And why did she feel... well feel right? No longer demonic? I hoped this was a permanent change.

 

Lots of questions were asked of Katherine. Who was she? Where was she from? Just what the hell was her relationship with Magik? Was she a demon? Was she a were? Why did she smell of cat and have cat's eyes? So on and so forth.

 

Katherine wasn't applying to be a Pard member as such, more of an... exchange student kind of thing. She apparently was going to need a great deal of help re-acclimating to society and Magik thought that we could help her as she was part cat. Kind of how most new weres had a buddy system, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, an older were would help a new were adjust to their new life. The big question was would we do it?

 

To be more specific what would Micah and I decided to do? The Pard was not a democracy. Members could, and did, have input; but in the end things were run as Micah and I decided. To be extra clear, I had veto power over everything.

 

Yea, I can be quite the bitch, but everybody was safe in my Pard or there was hell to pay and I had the body count to prove it. Every were group in St Louis knew this and left my kitties alone.

 

Katherine was no shrinking violet. Zane had gotten just a little too close on sniffing her (weres tend to get that way, not real sense of personal space ). Zane is a male wereleopard, a member of the Pard. Zane's tall and thin with multiple piercings and frequently changes the color of his hair (currently it was purple). He has fangs on upper and lower teeth that won't shift back due to the excessive amount of time he'd spent in full leopard form. He tends to try to be a bit of a bad kitty, but we keep him in line.

 

Katherine had actually extended a claw from a fingertip when Zane got just a little too personal on where he shoved his face to sniff. The claw was just millimeters from his right eye. Only the strongest weres are able to such partial shifting so that left everybody very impressed.

 

_"Sniff me like that again and I'll take an ear off"._

 

The message was plain. Back off.

 

I caught Micah's eye and gestured for him to come over to me and we went to the kitchen to briefly talk. While I was there I grabbed another cup of coffee (mmm coffee).

 

Micah was the one with the animal senses and he summarized what he had sensed.

 

Katherine smells and acted like an Alpha. Plus the subtle posture clues were telling. She's... Well crap I never would have believed it but I could also see it as well.

 

Katherine was... Alpha over Magik! Dominant! This Katherine had topped Magik! Wow! That... that was interesting in its implications.

 

And... Katherine and Magik (Damn it's hard to think of her as Illyana) were... very close as in lovers close. They wore each other's scent almost like a perfume and you don't pick up another's scent that strongly unless... well I think you get the picture.

 

We went back into the living room to listen to the questioning (and added a few of our own).

 

 _Is Magik really a demon"?_ That one from Cherry.

 

_"Yes. Although Hell Lord would be more correct description"._

 

 _"Are you a were"?_ That one from Chab. He likes body piercings and is a bit of a wise ass. Not one of my favorite Pard members.

 

_"No.... I'm a blending of human and cat, not a were but a close approximation. I don't have any other form other then what you see"._

 

 _"So you were in that Limbo of hers"?_ Asked Gina. She was a rather shy and submissive member of the Pard. She'd also been greatly abused one who was now dead by my hand (As I said before, everybody was safe in my Pard or there was hell to pay).

 

_"Yes. I was trapped there when I was thirteen. I was subsequently turned into... this by an evil sorcerer. The same one who... kidnapped Illyana when she was six"._

 

Well that explains why Magik wanted help on re-acclimating her. I, and the others, all noticed that Katherine was real edgy, like she hadn't been around people in a long time. I had a glimmer of an image of a cat trying not to pace back and forth.

 

 _"How long ago was that"?_ Inquired Merle. Merle looks like an aging biker and is one tough hombre.

 

_"Don't really know. Time is funny in Limbo. I was there for a long time. I'm... I'm likely in my fifties. I... age well"._

 

A question from Micah. _"Why are you dominant over her? We can all smell it and see it. And... and that's... well she made quite an impression the last time she was here and the thought of somebody... well topping her is surprising"._

 

_" She's... she's my lover. The rest is private"_

_Are... are you going to try to take over the Pard"?_ Nathaniel asked softly. Yea, it was a concern for them all.

_"Hell no. Why on earth would I want that? I have no interest in ruling or trying to run your little group, or any group. I'm... I'm done with that. I want... normal. So want normal. I'll be a good little kitty and do what I'm told by Anita. You have my word on that"._

 

A question from me. _"I take it you're Cat. I thought you died"._

 

_"I did. I was... brought back by other to... well Illyana she... It's hard to explain. I'm... I'm Katherine. Cat is dead in every way that matters"._

 

Another question from me. _"You trained Magik"?_

 

_"In the combat arts, hunting, survival skills, and killing"._

 

Zane then said the wrong thing. _"Did a really good job there. Wished you hadn't been so good. Bitch is way beyond scary"._

Everybody tensed up. A wave of anger and adrenalin flowed off of Katherine and claws extended from all of her fingers. Miss Kitty was pissed. Fighting pissed.

 

_" **Don't...** don't call her that. One warning. I... I owe her everything. You have no idea_

_what she did for me, what she went through for me. Insult me all you want, but you... haven't earned the right to judge her. I'm... I'm not somebody you want to pick a fight with"._

 

I attempted to defuse the situation (which is a real odd situation for me. I tend to be the one poking the scary monster with a stick). _"Sorry about that. Zane damn it! Play nice. Um... did... Illyana say anything about us before you came here"?_

 

_"That it was a world of humans, similar to my own, but one with magic, weres, and vampires. And that the historical context was very similar"._

 

_"Well...The time Illyana was here she... Um... she killed a god in training. Destroyed the great pyramid in Egypt. Slaughtered an entire clan of satanic werewolves. Turned into a dragon and slew most of the were and vampire leadership in Cairo after they had attacked her. Attacked and held off the vampire counsel while looting their archives. And scaring the bejesus out of everybody in St Louis before moping the floor with us when we tried to bind her which resulted in my house being burnt to the ground and only just now did we get done having it rebuilt"._

I left off the part were we burned her alive. I suspected that Katherine would bet upset.

 

Katherine looked impressed. Her claws retracted and everybody got a bit more calm.

 

_"Really? I'm... Ok. I can see how that... colors your impression of her. But... please... refrain from insulting her when I'm around"._

 

Noted. Really noted. And... well heck. Rather a good thing I think. Only love motivates that level of reaction. Somebody loved... Magik.

 

Wow.

 

I asked another question. _"So how good are you if you're the one who trained her"?_

 

Katherine smiled. Not an evil smile, but one that makes you nervous.

 

_"I'm frankly the most lethal fighter on this planet if what Illyana has told me is true. I'm the second most dangerous thing here"._

 

No need to say who was the most dangerous. That had walked outside and left Katherine with us. But the second most dangerous? That was ballsy statement.

 

Zane spoke again, but echoed what we all felt.

 

_"Big words kitty cat. Your mouth is writing some big ass checks there. Are you willing to take all of us on"?_

 

Katherine looked over the Pard. _"Sure. If even one of you can manage to mark me with a marker or ink then I'll concede that you are far more bad ass then I"._

 

_"And if you win by marking all of us"?_

 

_"Well, that will prove my point and... likely make you want to keep me around"._

 

I laid out the rules. _"No magic in the fight. No mind tricks. Just your physical abilities"._

 

_"Agreed, just what any of us can naturally do"._

 

_"Deal"._

**Part 19c: Fight Night**

 

The group moved outside to the back yard. I had a bunch of wooden training knives that I use to practice knives moves with the Pard. Weres tend to rely on their speed and strength or on their claws if they have the intermediate form between human and full animal, for physical combat. A deficiency I was correcting. Everybody in the Pard was required to learn how to handle fire arms and knives.

 

We coated the blades with some red paint that was in the garage. Katherine stood in the center of the yards and the others took up position surrounding her in a rough circle.

 

Micah and I abstained. If she could take on the entire Pard then two more would not make much of a difference. You could see her green eye reflecting light just like a cat's would. She assumed a combat posture.

 

I did the honors.

 

_"Begin"._

 

They rushed her and she just spun around striking and using their bodies to both block and to spin against. She was fast, but so were they.

 

I saw what should have been several strikes upon her but nothing, no paint streak. It was like the knives just went right though her. And each of them got a red smear of paint as she struck chest, head, neck, back, gut.

 

And she took a piece of clothing as well. Jacket, shirt, pants, shoe, bra, everybody somehow lost an entire piece of clothing which she tossed onto the grass, she had used Merle's biker vest to blind Zane before marking him.

 

It was over very very fast. Scary fast.

 

Clothing littered the ground and at the end Katherine had leapt to the roof where she flung down her dagger to clatter at my feet.

 

 **"CRAP"!** was the universal declaration. They were all marked.

 

I make a rather unnecessary statement. _"Done"._

 

Katherine leaped off the roof to lightly land on her feet for our inspection. She was unmarked. If she was staying then I so was going to try to have her as a sparing partner. Hey, lemonade out of lemons. I could see that her combat movers were really good and there was no reason not to try to learn from her. I was rather sure she'd be a fantastic sword instructor.

 

 _"How... How on earth did you do that"_ Merle asked as he picked up his undamaged vest from the ground (by the way Merle was Micah's bodyguard).

 

_"Like I told you. I am the second most dangerous thing here"._

 

She had proved her point. How utterly oh crap she'd proven her point. And this is what had trained Magik in the combat arts?

 

It was obvious now, she could turn intangible, and other objects as well. Likely whatever she touched. I so did not want this woman to ever be vindictively pissed at us.

 

 _"Well?"_ she asked.

 

 _"Can you walk through walls?"_ I asked, rather expecting the answer.

 

_"Yes"._

 

Micah and I exchanged glances.

 

WOW!

 

Having that on our side would make no other were grouping ever think to intrude on our territory. But... what if... what if a vampire or some other magical entity gained control over her? I asked that question.

 

_"Not really possible at this time. I'm... well let's just say that they would have to be stronger then Illyana. And likely Illyana would get... upset upon detecting the attempt. From what you've told me you've seen what she's like when she's angry so... Now imagine what she's like when you threaten someone she loves"._

 

_"Would you allow me to test that"?_

 

_"Sure, exert away"._

 

Micah took my hand and I focused my power on her. She felt... slippery, like she was coated in something. It was hard for my power to grasp her but I finally did and then I felt it.

 

Hard. Impenetrable. And the flavor of Magik. Hot, smoky, and peppery. I felt an unseen pair of eyes looking at me. Looking and then turning away. That was enough. Magik had an alarm for anybody who wanted to harm Katherine.

 

Wow, talk about the ultimate guard dog.

 

Right then Stephen, Vivian's werewolf boyfriend, knocked on the side yard gate and announced himself.

 

_"Anita? Everybody is rather... convened. Magik's holding off everybody and they don't believe my statements about Pard business. They think Magik mind rolled me. Magik allowed me to come back in to ask if... well is everything ok"?_

Everybody? Turned it that was a rather good description.

 

Nice to have friends.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Illyana has returned to Anita's world and brought Katherine with her. Yes Illyana is way off baseline behavior now. Remember she is still enchanted and Katherine rather hacked the enchantment which likely resulted in even more changes to Illyana. 
> 
> When I started writing this story my intent was to bring Cat back. I suppose having Illyana deal with Cat's trauma was meant to allow Illyana to, in some way, deal with aspects of her own trauma from a different angle. 
> 
> I wanted Illyana to have something that meant more to her then herself. Since Kitty was off limits in canon (Kitty is trapped in that rather stupid Bullet and Marvel never had Illyana deal with it (as she should have been allowed to)). So I decided to use Cat as that stand in. Which resulted in this story and the rather interesting directions it went in. 
> 
> Haven't gotten any feedback from the last few chapters, so folks good? Bad? Some folks wanted romance and femslash and I think that rather happened. 
> 
> As always feedback is greatly desired (as I really don't know what the heck I'm doing half the time).

**Part 20a: Favors**

Well everybody hadn't show up. That was a bit of an exaggeration by Stephen. But I was pleased find it not too far off the mark (as I've said before, it's good to have friends). So many times the weres come to me for help, it was nice to find that so many showed up when they thought I needed help.

 

Apparently Illyana's block of my mind to mind contact with Jean-Claude had resulted in him gathering up all those that he could and descending upon the locality of my home. But only to be blocked by some anti vampire and were shield. Blocked and met by Illyana, well... still Magik to him.

 

Stephen had called folks on his cell phone to explain but he had not been believed. That whole little thing of Magik mind rolling folks the last time she was here rather cast doubt on Stephen's recollections. Hell, she'd rolled Jean-Claude the Master of the city and a sourdre da sang (Head of a vampire line) so it was an understandable disbelieve.

 

Things had gotten tense. Very tense.

 

There was Jean-Claude (Head vampire and the center of the triumvirate between him, Richard, and I), and he had brought the core of his vampires:

            Asher - Male (oh so very male, yum!), his long time companion and second in command

            Byron - Male, a centuries old vampire who looks like an eighteen year old kid

            Damian - Male, my vampire to call and part the triumvirate that I had accidently created with Nathaniel and him with me as the center (rather a big opps on my part)

            London - Male, a strong master vampire

            Meng Die - Female, china doll of a vampire dressed in a skin tight leather outfit, as always. She so does not like me but she was a very powerful master class vampire.

            Primo - Male, real bastard but bound to Jean-Claude and a major fighter

            Requiem - Male, Jean-Claude's third in command

            Truth - Male, brother to Wicked. Fighting pair called the Wicked Truth

            Wicked - Male, brother to Truth.

 

Yea, Jean-Claude had come loaded for action.

 

He had also gathered up a rather large host of wererats and werewolves.

 

From the Lukoi (Werewolves) there was:

            Richard Zeeman- Male (really really male), werewolf king, ex lover (sigh...)

            Jamil - Male, pack enforcer, very nasty dude and rather scared of me and a major anti lesbian kind of guy (you'll see why I mention this later)

            Jason Schuyler - Male, friend of mine and sometimes lover

            Shang-Da - Male, pack enforcer. One of the biggest Chinese men I have ever met (dislikes me due to my breaking up with Richard)

            Sylvie Barker - Female (and lesbian so she you can imagine how well she and Jamil interact), second in command to Richard and a good friend of mine

            Gwen - Female, Sylvia's lover and a psychiatrist (Hmm I think I have a patient for her. Double hmmm, two patients? Triple Hmm, why the heck is she here anyway?)

 

From the Rodere (Wererates) there was:

            Raphael, Male, king of the wererats, tall, dark and handsome (yum, me like)

            Bobby Lee - Male, bodyguard. General badass

            Claudia - Female, bodyguard. General badass and more muscular than most men

            Fredo - Male, and a master of knife and short sword work (damn, I wish I was that good)

 

And a whole bunch more wererats and werewolves (more kept driving in every few minutes). Plus there were scattered weres from other groups. And a bunch of werehyenas (they owed me big time, nice to see that they remembered but the werehyena king Narcissus had not shown up).

 

The werewolves were the largest group of weres in St Louis area (roughly four hundred). The wererats were the second larges (roughly two hundred). The werewolves and the wererats were allied with each other. The hyena's were the third biggest but did not really interact with the rats and the wolves. The other were groups were all either small or singletons but a few of them had shown up as well to show the flag I guess.

 

The Pard was a small group that punched way above it's weight class with the other were groups because of me. I was just more... scary then... well everybody else. Biggest monster of them all I guess. Mess with what's mine, you mess with me.

 

Oh and Stephen, a werewolf who was a very mild and venerable kind of guy who was stuck between them and Magik.

 

So there was this major crowd and things had gotten very tense. Nobody had believed Magik that the Pard was having a private meeting. There had been a standoff, but the size of the crowd kept increasing and you know what they say about the IQ of crowds; the bigger the group the lower the IQ.

 

Things might have taken a turn for the worse but Sylvia had suggested that Magik allow Stephen back in to enquire if the group could meet with me. Magik had agreed after some convincing and had let Stephen back in.

 

Who would have won if it had gone to blows? Well... we were stronger now then when she'd first moped the floor with us, keep in mind that she had had to go full Darkchilde to do it. But now? Well best to leave that question unanswered, but I wouldn't bet on us. I think she'd win, but it would have hurt.

 

Well... apocalypse now averted. We were all one big happy gathering.

 

Resulting in now my house and grounds were once again a vampire and were convention. Pizza had been ordered (we learned that Magik and Katherine both loved pepperoni pizza) and a general meet and greet party had resulted.

 

A tense party, but a party. Damn, how come it's always my house?

 

The crowds had make Katherine very antsy and claustrophobic so most of us were now outside. Everybody had been introduced to Katherine (you could so see Jamil's gaydar going off), and everybody had been... rather surprised to find somebody Alpha to Magik. It's a body language and scent kind of thing that almost all weres can instinctually sense; vampires too. And the concept of somebody being Alpha to Magik was so... well difficult to grasp.

 

Illyana was standing by the trees at the end of my yard, with Jean-Claude as her minder, while the rest of the were Alphas, and a few vampires, discussed the Pard's decision with us.

 

They were concerned, hell even more concerned after meeting Katherine and seeing that little phase thing she could do. I mean... how do you fight that? But... well hell, back to that little issue of us owing Illyana a service. That and my guilt over what we had done to Illyana (and a bit of fear over what she could still do to us).

 

Katherine was busy eating some cake with the Pard. Getting to know the group a bit better. Turned out she liked coffee so another tick mark in her favor.

 

Well time to close the deal I guess. I led a small group over to Jean-Claude and Illyana for a private conversation (Micah, Richard, Sylvie, Gwen and Raphael).

 

Micah and I had pretty much decided the Pard would accept Katherine, now it was time for a few additional questions, some negotiations, and an understanding of how Katherine was going to fit into our world.  

 

We all walked into the adjacent field (my house is very isolated). Jean-Claude spoke first.

 

_"Magik, you are different then when you visited us last"._

Her reply was chilling.

 

 _"This is temporary, it won't last. I'm... I'm going to revert back to... well I think I will be as you knew me before... or"._ A sigh _"worse"._

Crap. Demon bitch from hell had been renewed and was getting another season. That made it extra important what we have agreements. I asked a question.

_"Why us"?_ Illyana answered.

_"You... your group appears to work quite well. You hide... what you are... less. All of you. There is acceptance and love here. Katherine needs that. Will need that. I think... that... there is the chance for friends and... she won't feel like a freak. And this world is very similar to our own. She can learn to fit in. Live in society. Go... go to school if she wants. She can... live. Live again"._

Gwen asked a question. _"Is there any of her history that you would care to share with us"?_

Illyana was silent for a bit as she thought it over. Then she answered.

_"Abuse. She's been... very abused. At many levels. Limbo reshaped her into something she was not. Reshaped her body, reshaped her mind and her... actions. Young Kitty was never a killer. Katherine became one. Then... in the end she suffered... slavery and... abuse for years at the hand of a very bad man. She was... it was bad. I know... I... know. Then she died because... I killed her. That was long ago and then... She was brought back into existence by... by some folks I shall not name. Brought back insane. She's... functional now, but not recovered. She's... she's ready to start recovering now"._

Ok. Not nice. And very terse leaving out lot's and lot's of information. And scarily similar to the little that we knew of Magik.

Little fast forward, Gwen ended up becoming Katherine's psychiatrist, and yea she really needed one. And from what I learned over time from Katherine... Well, in hind sight I don't think it was a coincidence that Gwen was there.

I broached the subject of vampires and the were community in general. _"Are you ok with vampires and other were's getting involved"?_

_"Yes. If Katherine doesn't have issues with them then I don't have issues with them. I hope... I hope she makes friends. Friends... are good to have"._

_"Any... rules"?_

_"None. She is free to do as she pleases. I... I hold her to no constraints and I hold you to none as well"._

_"Even if she ends up decided to... well hell sharing blood with a vampire. Or... please don't get upset, having relationships"?_ Yea it was unlikely but wanted it on record.

 

Illyana answered carefully and you could see she was fighting back strong emotions.

 

 _"Yes. It's her life... her fate to make. I... I won't... be... here. I... I will direct the Master of Cairo to prove her financing, papers and... well I will also tell them that Katherine has dominion over him and Ōyutaka_ (Illyana's Japanese sumo wrestler werelion in Cairo). _I will be... unhappy if they don't obey her or... if they upset her. But... Katherine can hold her own so that should not be an issue. I'll be shocked if I have to get involved"._

Yea. Once they got a taste of what Katherine was capable of I'd bet on that as well. Now throw in Magik getting upset and... well that ruined smoking pyramid in their backyard was likely a constant reminder of who their boss was.

 

Cairo was still off limits by decree of the Vampire counsel. I had heard that there had been some... probing attempts by the counsel and... that the probes has not gone well. The weres and vampires of Egypt were controlled by Illyana's surrogates. And from what Jean-Claude had heard the model being followed was the model of how St Louis was run so. Less of a dictatorship and more of a community.

Ok. Massive potential massive commitment here. Was this going to be the task I owed her or was this a freebie?

_"Does this count as our term of service"?_

_"No. I want... more then that. I want more then obligation. I want true effort. True... commitment to her. If you do this then I will owe you a... favor. The better you do... the bigger the favor". _

She manifested that sword of her's, the one that blazed and just radiated power. We all took a few steps back and tensed up. But the sword was not raised against us today.

 

Illyana proceeded slit her right wrist with the sword (Yikes) and then drove the sword into the ground. She placed her left hand on the pommel of the sword and held her bleeding wrist above the sword. Blood flowed onto her hand and began to stream down the blade. It was a binding.

 

Her power began to rise and again it was like mighty dragon wings were being unfurled. Damn she power was even stronger then when she broke that binding we had placed on her. The power was not directed against us, instead it flowed into the sword and the air above her. Illyana spoke.

 

_"I swear this. This binding shall be answered when called forth if the favor has been earned. I bind myself to do this, bound even beyond death. By my name and my love and my power"!_

Illyana was binding herself to us if we accepted Katherine. And just like last time I had to be the center of that binding for it to stick. I placed my hand on top of hers, exerted my power, and I guess sealed the deal.

The power flowed into the earth and some shifted. Not sure what but something changed.

 

Ok, a favor. Hmmm a favor from a Hell Lord. Need to keep that in the bank for a really bad time.

 

Illyana then gave us some final instructions.

 

" _I need you to... it is critical you do not leave Katherine alone. I... I don't know how she'll.... She's been through so much and likely she's... well I expect to that there will be... problems. Promise me that you will NOT leave her alone for at least the next month". _

 

We looked at each other and all nodded. I spoke.

_"Um... ok, we'll make sure that she's never left alone. There will always be at least two of us with her. Me, Micah, the Pard, other weres and any vampires we deem worthy, 24/7 regardless of what she wants. Likely a whole bunch more the first week or so"._

 

Ok, time for a self little penance. I gulped and then spoke.

 

_"Father Garcia, my_ _Episcopal priest would like... He'd like to talk to you if you have the time. He thinks... that I... didn't listen very well to your actions or words last time. And... he's right. You could have enslaved me, hell all of us, and instead you let me go. I'm... sorry for what we did to you"._

 

She accepted my apologies, appeared very surprised, but begged off meeting with my priest as apparently the clock was running out. Cinderella moment I guess.

 

Damn. I really wish she had had the time to speak with Father Garcia before she left... I think... it would have done her some good.

 

She promised to speak to my priest the next time she was here; which she apparently did two weeks later (And what an utterly terrifying meeting that was according to Father Garcia. Nothing bad happened, but she was very... well Magik I guess).

And I learned that Illyana keeps her word. I had thought that her promise to meet with my priest was just casual words to conclude a conversation, but Illyana had promised and apparently promises mean a great deal to her. Girl keeps her word.

 

Good to know that.

 

**Part 19b: Partings**

It was late and the impromptu party was winding down. Most had left and it was now just the Pard, Jean-Claude, Meng Die for some reason, Claudia, Sylvie and Gwen. We were all inside and it was just Katherine and Illyana outside on my back patio.

 

They were saying goodbye. They were dancing on the patio to Ben King’s Stand by me.

 

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we'll see

No I won't be afraid

Oh, I won't be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

...

...

 

Turned out Jean-Claude, Claudia and Meng Die ended up spending quite a lot of time with Katherine over the next few months. Other weres helped, but they truly went the extra mile for the Pard and me and Katherine. Which was again weird as Meng Die dislikes me, but I guess she apparently liked Katherine. Oh well, friendship is funny that way.

 

Jean-Claude and Sylvie had their own abuse histories and that really helped when the bad times came for Katherine. And Gwen really was a good psychiatrist.

 

The song ended and we heard some soft murmuring, and then it went silent.

 

After a while Katherine walked back into my house via the patio door.

 

She was alone.

 

She put on a brave face for all of ten seconds.

 

Then she broke down and cried.

 

We were there for her. All of us. Just as we promised.

 

I wish I could say that was the worst night for Katherine, but I'd be liar.

 

That would be the next night when Illyana kind of... died.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ominous foretelling at the end of the last chapter but... we all know that Illyana cannot remain as she is as much as I wish she could. 
> 
> Part 20c was the first thing I wrote when I created this story; that and then Chapter 21. Yea I wrote endings before I wrote the story. As I've said before, this entire story was based upon the song We Belong by Pat Benatar. When I wrote the two sections I had no actual idea that Illyana and Katherine were to become lovers in this story. I suppose it was odd to write endings and then write a story that ended up at those endings but that was how it worked out. 
> 
> Odd, I though I'd get some comments or reviews from Dani (Mirage) fans based upon chapter fifteen (not really a bunch of Dani Fanfic out there). Thought I did a really good femslash involving Dani/Illyana.
> 
> Oh, and chapter 21 is not the end. There are 26 chapters in total. Which I find rather odd in that the first Anita Blake/Illyana story had twenty five chapters and roughly the same number of words.

**Part 21a: Cradle's ending**

Illyana stood within Cat's cradle once again. It was late in the afternoon. The air was dry but cold as the sun now shed but little warmth. There was a cold breeze blowing with occasional gusts. Little dust devils could be seen in the distance.

 

Illyana sighed. The cradle had become a home, and now it was fading. Would soon be gone. And with it... well. All things fade.

 

Most of the grass was now brown and so were most of the leaves on the trees.

 

Illyana went on a run and found most of the animals gone and the stream dried up. She ended back at the camp just as the day drew to an end.

 

Illyana built massive bonfire from the vast amounts of suddenly plentiful dead tree limbs, and ate some roasted leftover meat from yesterday. She thought about sleeping in the bed but couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew she'd breakdown if she did. She retrieved the sheets and a pillow from the bed and slept by the bonfire; and yea she cried anyway.

 

As she gathered the pillows and sheets she also retrieved a wooden box from under the bed. After the fire was built and supper consumed she opened the box; it contained Katherine's favorite fireside vice.

 

Gram crackers, chocolate, and a half full bag of marshmallows. All the fixings you needed to make s'mores. The fixings were in a box because a family of Meerkats had appeared about two weeks ago and loved to steal the marshmallows.

 

Illyana made s'mores the way she liked them, marshmallow free and then proceeded to slowly toss the marshmallows into the fire. She watched each one burn. Nice white exterior burning away into flames, blackness, and in the end burnt cinders; good for nothing at all.

 

She saw movement by the edge of the bonfire circle. The Meerkats were standing and looking at her. With a sigh she held out the last marshmallow. Katherine had so loved to toss a few marshmallows each night to the Meerkats; they had looked so cute holding them in their paws and eating them.

 

The alpha female strolled over and took the last marshmallow from her. The rest of the little tribe wandered over as well. Instead of fighting over the solitary marshmallow they each took a bite until it was gone.

 

Illyana bedded down and for some reason the Meerkats bedded down with her. Illyana welcomed the company, she... she was not used to sleeping alone anymore.

 

She dreamed of the ladies.

**Part 21b: Fate**

 

Illyana stirred. She found herself in the cottage of the ladies, sitting at their kitchen table. The three ladies were also sitting at the table. They all looked sad and concerned.  

 

The ladies were:

Urd, a young woman. Maker of the threads

Verdande, middle aged. Weaver of the threads

Skuld, aged crone. Cutter of the threads.

Skuld spoke first _"We told you daughter of no woman that this would bring you far greater grief then ending her plight"._

Urd then spoke _"You have two questions left daughter. Use them well"._

Illyana rubbed her eyes, they were red from crying. She spoke.

 

_"I have but one question at this time ladies and I don't think it counts"._

 

Verdande sighed. Again the designs of Fate was not being followed. The child was supposed to ask her two remaining questions at this point. Fate was again blind to what daughter of no woman would do. Well... she was still a difficult one, as all of her ilk tended to be. Verdande spoke.

_"As before daughter we will let you know before answering"._

Illyana put on a brave face, but her lower lip was trembling.

 

_"Tea next Tuesday? I'll... I'll bring the cake as always"._

All three ladies sighed. Why did nothing go according to script with this one?

 

Verdande answered again _"Yes daughter, that would be nice and no it does not count against your questions"._

_"Thank you ladies. Thank you so very much.   I... I can never repay you for what you've helped me do"._

Skuld tut'd. _"There there child. It'll be all right. She'll do fine"._ Which earned Skuld a nastily look from Urd which Illyana did not see. Answers without questions were not supposed to be done per the rules; but apparently nothing was working right today.

 

Illyana lay her head back down on the table and dreamed... dreamed of her love.

**Part 21c: Endings....**

Illyana awoke at the kiss of the sun's last dawning. The bonfire but a smoking mound of cinders and the Meerkats gone.

 

She awoke to find a chocolate chip cookie on a plate. Illyana had never gotten any gifts from the enchantment, that had always been Katherine. She supposed the enchantment was saying goodbye. To itself, to Illyana, to existence.

 

All things die. And it was almost that time...

 

She gazed about the dying enchantment and then took one last run.

 

She put on some ear buds and hit the special play button. Rags by the Waterboys played.

 

Everything is rags

And there's nobody to blame but me

And it would be so easy

If there was no one to hurt but me

 

But now everything that I do

Coming out of me will just tear through you

In and out of you

Up and down your life like a curse

Cast by the only Son of Rags

Who would wrap you up in all the finest tatters

Though he wanted nothing more, my loved one

Than to wrap you up in joy

 

But it'd never be with me

You and I are like two worlds

Not meant to collide

Death to each other

In the unravelling of time

...

...

To have one foot in Eden

One foot in Hell

To be always numb

Plagued by demons

Summoned by angels

At the same time endlessly?

But I will

Burn me

Right out of this place

...

...

 

Illyana turned off the IPod. It... it was too much. She had not known that living could be so... so sweet and that love... love could be such a bitter blessing.

 

Illyana ended her run at the workout platform. She stood on the wooden workout deck and looked over the landscape.

 

The dying was speeding up. Fall had fully arrived and the trees now suddenly started shedding their remaining leaves. The grasses had all turned brown and the no animals could be seen. A cold dry wind was blowing scattered leaves and dust about, and the wind was growing stronger.

 

Illyana manifested a page of parchment and a small note and began to write.   When she was done the parchment and note vanished.

 

Illyana sighed to herself and then decided to have one last dance. She took up an on guard position in the center of the deck, but bereft of any weapons. Then she began. It was a combination of combat moves, both armed and unarmed. Practice as it were. She danced about the deck dodging imaginary blows and striking back. She danced hard and long until sweat dripped from her body and face.

 

Then the dance seemed to change, almost as if she danced with another now. A reflection of the combat practices that Katherine and she had exchanged. An echo of a last dance. The blows and dodges slowly stopped and now it was just the dance.

 

Sometimes leading, sometimes being lead. Sweat continued to drip off of her face, or... or was it something else?

 

The wind was blowing harder and the trees were now all bare and waving in the wind. Dust was being kicked up and the visibility was dropping; the remote cliffs now obscured.

 

The enchantment had begun in song. Illyana decided it should end in song as well. Burning house had been the birth cry. But another song would herald the... ending.

 

With a small flick of her wrist the IPod turned on and played one last song. It was We Belong by Pat Benatar.

 

It was not a random choice. Illyana chose this song for the ending just as Burning house had been chosen as the birth song.

 

_Many times I've tried to tell you_

_Many times I've cried alone_

_Always I'm surprised how well you_

_Cut my feelings to the bone_

_Don't wanna leave you really_

_I've invested too much time_

_To give you up that easy_

_To the doubts that complicate your mind_

 

_We belong to the light_

_We belong to the thunder_

_We belong to the sound of the words_

_We've both fallen under_

_Whatever we deny or embrace_

_For worse or for better_

_We belong, we belong_

_We belong together_

_Maybe it's a sign of weakness_

_When I don't know what to say_

_Maybe I just wouldn't know_

_What to do with my strength anyway_

_Have we become a habit?_

_Do we distort the facts?_

_Now, there's no looking forward_

_Now, there's no turning back_

_When you say_

_We belong to the light_

_We belong to the thunder_

_We belong to the sound of the words_

_We've both fallen under_

_Whatever we deny or embrace_

_For worse or for better_

_We belong, we belong_

_We belong together_

_Close your eyes and try to sleep now_

_Close your eyes and try to dream_

_Clear your mind and do your best_

_To try and wash the palette clean_

_..._

_..._

_We belong to the light_

_We belong to the thunder_

_We belong to the sound of the words_

_We've both fallen under_

_..._

_..._

The dust steadily obscured the horizon until finally all sight was blocked, the last thing to be seen was Illyana still dancing on the platform. Her arms are outstretched and hands curved as if she was desperately hugging somebody.

 

Hugging them for comfort? Or was it hugging them goodbye?

 

Cat's cradle faded away.

 

And...

 

So did the Illyana of Cat's cradle.

 

Somewhere... Katherine screamed in grief as she felt the Illyana that she loved... dissipate and fade away.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, I guess, like Lord of the Rings, I've ended up writing several endings, one after each other. Well... it works. This was a nice story if not quite the one I planned. Bit of a tear jerker (some chapters were rather hard to write). 
> 
> This was the original last chapter (as I said in the last chapter I wrote the endings first) but I've added several more as the story evolved. 
> 
> This story explain in part what Illyana did to create the enchantment. Also it helps explain why she lack almost any feelings in the relaunched New Mutants comic. 
> 
> See my profile for reading order of my works (for websites with short profiles you will find the story that contains the reading order).

**Part 22: Epilogue 1**

 

_"And so the Limbo realm of Cat's cradle faded away. Illyana found herself returned to her bedroom in Limbo where a single crystal lamp burned. Illyana picked up the lamp, blew out the flame, and brought the lamp up to eye level to examine the oil reserve; it was almost empty. Second by second her expression hardened, and so did her heart. Her expression morphed from one of pain and loss to one of rising rage. She had an additional goal. She desired more then just her soul back. She desired..."._

 

Destiny stopped reading and closed his book. He was sitting on a park bench in his garden. You've been there, if only in your dreams. After all, we all walk paths in Destiny's garden. Before him, in a little glade of grass, was a statue of a woman dancing, the statue looks very much like Illyana.

 

Desire was sitting along side him.

_"The blade is honed"_ was Destiny's statement. _"She wants more then just her soul. Now she wants total vengeance. Vengeance for herself. Vengeance for Cat. Vengeance upon the Elder gods. Well... are you pleased my siblings with what our family has forged"?_

Desire gave no sign as to her pleasure or lack thereof. She spoke as she watched the marble statue shift and take on a new pose.

 

_"This is not how it was to have played out. She was supposed to have been impaled on the twin blades of desire and despair. Burdened with a broken pet that she would have to put down in the end as an act of mercy. That was supposed to be the driver. Instead... She found a way to feel again but only so she could help another. And she knew that that the outcome of her heart's desire could not possible be met and she went ahead and did it anyway. Paid the price with open eyes”._

Desire continued. _“She burned up most of what remained of her humanity, her compassion. She now has but the dregs of what little she had before. And the fate that awaited Cat… transferred to her instead. How could she possible have found such a way, chosen such a path"?_

Dream answered from the other side of the glade where he was standing. _"Dreams my sibling. Dreams of what might be, could be, might have been. Even Hell Lords dream"._

Desire had a pained expression, pained and yet, one of regret. _"I... I find myself envious that such a love exists and it is not for me"._

Destiny and Desire rose and started walking the paths back to Destiny's house where Death and Desire awaited. Behind them the statue was no longer dancing, now the statue held a sword and a look of utter determination.  Her feet were now hooves and tiny squirming figures were being crushed beneath them. Vile little figures, filled with evil and ancient lust.

 

Dream spent some time admiring the statue. It was... expressive of intent, before he took his own path back to Destiny’s house.

 

Time passed and then a large red haired man came walking down a path. He looked at the statue and the shape it had assumed. Destruction sighed to himself. Somebody else has been assigned some of his tasks. Tasks he refused to do anymore.

 

He mused as he gazed on the statue. Well… she certainly looked... capable.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very sad story at this point. But... I am one who writes within the published canon even if I do take liberties with it. 
> 
> For this part I've stolen words from Keith Green's song My Eyes Are Dry.

**Part 23: Epilogue 2 (two weeks later in St Louis)**

 

Well at least she’s not catatonic was my basic assessment. Apparently Illyana had kind of died one day after Katherine had come to my home and the Pard.

 

It had been bad. Katherine had screamed in grief that she could feel Illyana fading away.

 

Faded but not dead.

 

Dead I could deal with. No more big bad scary monster. Faded meant that she could show up any moment and her prior actions meant that everybody was on edge. Katherine was listless and barely ate and she was never left alone. Always at least two of us, and mostly a bunch more than two.

 

Some of the Rodere and the Lukoi woman had joined as well, always good to have friends. Katherine had no problems sleeping in the big puppy piles that the were’s so love. I think that helped a lot. The contact. The group. The support.

 

Then a small package arrived for Katherine. There were no postmarks, it was just found on my kitchen table one morning. Just two words were on it (For Katherine).

 

Katherine was so despondent and listless until she was given the box. Her face had lit up like a child finding out that... that... she was not forgotten. That look was heartbreaking. Katherine had carefully opened it and found two hand written pages of parchment, Illyana's IPod and a larger and gooey chocolate chip cookie of all things. She'd wept as she read the two pages aloud to the Pard members and me.

 

**The First Page:**

 

_Katherine, my love._

_It is all fading now. Soon the Cradle will pass and so I fear that which I have become must fade as well. I never told you... Well... I showed you why you mattered so very much to me, more then my life. I never showed you why I choose the path I did._

_It was all about fate._

_I had traveled the timeways searching out your fate. For a path that would cure you._

_I failed. All paths were the same._

_Horror and abuse and madness and pain._

_Such… horror was your fate. And the only thing I could do was to end you. That was it. End you or leave you in suffering and madness and… abuse. It never ended until I ended you. I... It was fixed in fate._

_Somebody or somebodies had spent a great deal of effort making sure I had no paths to help you._

_You had no future._

_I was fated to kill you again as the only way to help you._

_I... I think I... I... I think I went mad, or madder I guess. I... It was bad. I sought for an escape._

_I found one._

_The Ladies. Incarnations of fate._

_As I told you I spent one of my questions on you. Hell would have spent all three but it only took one. The Ladies were not pleased but they told me what to do._

_The fate was fixed, but who the fate was fixed to? Well... that could be changed, transferred._

_And so it was._

_I am more… resilient then you, being what I am. Fate that condemned you is less… absolute for one such has I. Fate that would kill you is... well.... I am a Hell Lord after all._

_You are free of that fate. In fact you have no fate at this point, oh lucky you my Cat._

_I am so happy, yet... I'm… I’m scared Katherine. This me is ending, I will go on but I don't know what I will... be._

_Please don't forget this me. As long as you remember what I was... I might be again. I don't think I'll forget this. But I won't be able to... understand so very much._

_And... I won't be sane or safe for you to be around._

_I won't say don't cry for me. But know this my Cat. It was worth it and I'd do it all over again for you._

_I did something good, really good. Kind of a first for me._

_Goodbye Katherine._

_May we meet again._

_I hope I... can become once again someone you can love and be with._

 

 

**The Second Page:**

 

_Hello Katherine. I... I hope you are well?_

_No... that's not right. It's... wrong. I'm... wrong. Not right. I'm..._

_Broken again._

_So much is not... right._

_Words are easy, but meaning is... hard._

_Everything is very clear to me. What I must do. The paths I will take. Cold logic and hate rules me. All is clear. Right up to the point when I think of... you... and then I get... get... confused... and... confused._

_I'm ?sorry? that I write confused.   Yes sorry is the... concept._

_I'm making this worse aren't I? I'm sorry. Again that word. Again that concept that I think I understand. At least in abstract._

_I don't... understand... so very much now. My mind… does not work well when I try to… to.. think of... you._

_I think I am as I was and what I became is now... remembered but... ungraspabale. I’m… not sure if I’m more broken now or… the same. Broken things don’t work right and can't really... perceive the depth of damage._

_Pain. It's all pain._

_I am lost in darkness and know not the way out. I seek my soul as it is the only solution I can comprehend. I am not her and the part of me that would weep is... gone. But the part of my that would risk creation itself to achieve of my goals, that… remains._

_I am hurt and darkness given form._

_Such is what I am._

_I will always be there for you if danger arises, but know that I will... must flee from you. I don't... can't... trust myself. I can't understand many things and that means I... fear what I might do, the actions I might take. Better no... contact then the wrong actions I fear will make._

_I… I think I... would kill myself if I harmed you or my... decisions caused you harm._

_Everything is a red canvas with painted in black and white. Everything except..._

_You_

_So much of what I feel for you is... is..._

_It's like fluttering moth's wings. I... I cannot comprehend or understand... How I can mean anything to you? It's gone... I... Someday I... hope to be... to be... something that can be... yours... again._

_I… even thinking the word hurts. I think of you and…_

_Fire and ecstasy and comfort and…_

**_ LOVE _ **

_There I wrote it though it hurts so much. That word brings such feeling and I can’t... truly comprehend the feelings. Are they good or are they… the badness that is me? I… I can’t comprehend._

_Can’t at all!_

_And that's the biggest hurt of all._

_This is the last thing I lose to those **Bastards**! _

_I'm going to kill them. Kill them all for what they did to us._

**_I will end the Elder Gods!_ **

****

**_I will regain my Soul!_ **

_I.... I found a note I wrote to myself. The words... they have meaning but I don't... properly understand anymore. But… I think you will. Please… understand for me._

_My eyes are dry, my faith is old_

_My heart is hard, my prayers are cold_

_I know how I long to be_

_Alive with you and dead to me_

_Oh what can be done for an old heart like mine_

_Soften it up with oil and wine_

_The oil is You, Your Spirit my love_

_Katherine please wash me anew in the wine of Your Love_

_It hurts. Hurts so much._

_Goodbye_

_Heavens have mercy on any who mean you harm, for no mercy shall be found from me. Tell this to Anita, she will know whom to inform._

_To plot or attempt you harm is to die at my hands. Simple as that._

I spoke with Jean-Claude and he informed the Vampire counsel of the threat. The counsel played nice (Magik had so made her point the last time). Others... well, some folks just have to learn the hard way; and it was the last thing they ever learned.  

 

Oh, and there was a yellow PostIt on the IPod with the words **play me** **special** on it. Katherine turned on the IPod and hit some button she called special play. Shards how Katherine wept as the song played.

 

Candlebright by Stevie Nicks played. But... not the one anybody had ever heard. Some the lyrics had been changed, yet that was Stevie Nicks singing somehow.

 

For no special reason

I am leaving you for awhile

I'm flying far above you

Still I love you

You make things right

 

[Chorus:]

I've been with you before

I'll be with you again

I'll come back for more, yea

The story has a strange ending

 

Well, you know me I'm a nomad

I feel so bad

About the way I am

I've been rolling around

My whole life

You're my candlebright in the window

 

[Chorus:]

You guide me back again

And I come when you shine

You are my friend,

But I am something of a dreamer

I am something of a dreamer

I am something of a dreamer

 

[Repeat verse and Chorus]

Still I love you

My candlebright

You are my friend

And still I love you

You're my candlebright

Still I love you

You are my friend

But still I love you

I can barely feel.... barely feel at all....

 

Katherine cried for a very long time. But in hindsight it was a turning point.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to sum up the story epic that is Illyana? Darkchilde to Illyana, blindly clawing herself towards the light; towards what she once was. What she longs to be, a visage darkly glimpsed and not fully comprehended.
> 
> The Illyana Passage stories in part are meant to explore Illyana's missing years and also account for Illyana changes in behavior when the relauched New Mutants began.

**Part 24: Epilogue 3 One year plus later**

 

Katherine was sitting in my living room having a small going away party, invitation only.   She was off to Yale tomorrow to start college. She'd be staying with the local werelepard Pard at New Haven Connecticut. They had mixed feelings about it but… well let’s just say they saw reason before somebody very very nasty and scary showed up and asked them politely in that now you have no choices kind of way.

 

All the women of the Pard were invited, plus select female werewolves and wererats, Katherine had hit it off well with the Lukoi and the Rodere, and many of the vampires as well. I guess having a demon as a girlfriend makes you less judgmental about the other monsters.   Meng Die was there, as well as Sylvie and Gwen.

 

Yea, Katherine had made friends outside of the Pard, which was a good thing. Friends with the most lethal of the women, no surprise there I guess. Funny though. She didn't get along at all with werelions or weretiges. Must be a cat thing.

 

Katherine had weathered the stresses and storms. Re-acclimation had been quite the trial for all involved. That, combined with Katherine's almost complete breakdown after only one day upon sensing the loss of Illyana as apparently their familiar link atrophied to almost nothing while Katherine had to endure feeling Illyana apparently die as it were.

 

Katherine had been so despondent, without the Pard to pull her through she would have died of despair or self harm. Illyana had been correct when she told me to always have people with her at all times for the next month.

 

Katherine had discovered alcohol at the start of the second week and went on an epic four day bender that resulted in some truly monumental vomiting. We were all very worried but that was apparently it for crawling into a bottle (thank the Lord). Apparently Limbo had been a rather dry locality which is rather odd in that it was a Hell.

 

She'd pulled through though. She'd gotten a small package in the mail after the second week. It was an IPod and two notes and a cookie for some reason. The IPod was rather dinged up and scorched, but it apparently still worked. Katherine had wept upon receiving it but... it had helped. It was like it was an affirmation that even though Illyana was so lost to herself that she still remembered... Katherine, and wanted to... help in the only way left to her.

 

Katherine had wept bitter tears on reading the notes. We had feared for her, and to be honest had feared for ourselves if something were to happen to her.

 

Then a few weeks later one of those annoying events happened in my oh so fun filled life. The usual kind of thing , bad weres and vampires came to town, rather an annoying repeat situation in my life. Katherine had reacted badly... badly if you were on the wrong side that is. The right side being me and mine.

 

Turns out the woman had rather understated just how utterly lethal that phasing ability made her. That, and complete immunity to magical mind control.

 

She'd left a swath of dead bodies in her wake, and a few half merged with walls and floors (which is really gross by the way). That little drama had ended when Katherine had used her phasing ability to pull the heart from the lead vampire while leaving his chest untouched.

 

**FLASHBACK 1 (Anita)**

 

Shit was my general thought and my mood.

 

Chained up, along with Micah and Jean-Claude (silver chains for Micah and Jean-Claude) and surrounded by guards; both vampire and not. Apparently Fang boy over by the desk was commencing a hostile takeover of the vampires of St Louis and I think the werewolves and werehyenas.

 

Tall, Arian, and oh so main stream corporate; hell even had the three piece suit. Fang boy (A Mr. Azele) was a major master class vampire with wolf and hyena as his animals to call.   He'd blasted into town and was in the process of setting up shop. First order of business, decapitate the existing leaderships.

 

He had a crew of vampires, weres, and human servants.   Bastard had knocked me out and used me to get to Micah and Jean-Claude. Now we were waiting for one of his gangs to return with the members of my house.

 

Fang boy was getting irritated in that his gang was late. He speed dialed some number on his cell phone. He had one of those fancy wireless speaker interfaces on his desk so everybody in the room could hear what the other side of the connection said.

 

The phone rang for about eight rings, you could just feel his irritation that nobody was picking up, then somebody answered. The three of us were surprised at the voice. It was Katherine's.

 

All she said was a terse _"Yes"?_

 

Fang boy was not happy.

 

_"Who is this"?_

 

_"Katherine"._

 

_"Where is Chuck"?_

 

_"What did Chuck look like"._

Ut-oh, past tense, not does, did. I suddenly found hope that our little kitty was more functional then she had been as of late. She had good days and bad days. Gwen felt that she was making good progress, but she'd slide back from time to time. Kind of like two steps forward and one back.

 

_"Vampire, tall, dark hair with a crew cut. Earring in the left ear"._

 

_"I remember him. Third one to die. Where's Anita"?_

Fang boy looked confused. The plan was not going right. _"She's here with me. Make another move I don't like and she's dead"._

Katherine apparently knew she was on speaker phone. She ignored Fang boy and said two sentences and asked question. _"Anita, everybody's ok. Sorry about the mess. Do you want him alive or dead"?_

We were currently in an office on the eighth floor of a rather decrepit office building in a seedier part of St Louis. I shouted my answer.

 

_"Dead"!_

Something phased through the ceiling and fell right thought Fang boy and the floor. He had a shocked and surprised expression, then he just keeled over and didn't move again.

 

Before any of his stunned minions could do anything, Katherine phased back through the floor (doing that air walk thing she could do). She was holding Fang boy's bleeding heart. She snarled a command to the thugs.

 

_"Drop your weapons or die. I don't care either way. But if you hurt anybody I'm going to slowly cut you apart, bit by bit"._

Yea they obeyed. That bleeding heart trick was very impressive.

 

And the mess?

 

Well... we did have to replace most of the ground floor carpets at my house. Just too much blood to get out. Katherine had kind of... panicked.

 

Bucher with a smile was how one Pard member described Katherine's rampage.

 

There had been one survivor as she needed somebody to question. He had led her and the Pard here.

 

For some reason he had had no problems rolling over on his boss. Can't blame him, Katherine could get almost as scary as Illyana at times. But that scary was never aimed at us, only the foes of the Pard and foes of her friends.

 

**END FLASHBACK 1**

 

After that things got a bit better for Katherine. Like she was over the hump, truly choosing to live again. Fewer steps backwards and more steps forward.

 

Social situations were difficult for her. Katherine so had problems with crowds and the little frustrations in life. It amazed all the other female weres that such an Alpha could get so… scared and upset at so many minor social things; although based upon the stories she told about Limbo we rather understood how… atrophied her social skills were.

 

Killing apparently had been the main social interaction in Limbo, but that's rather a bad way of dealing with a slow line at Starbucks, rude drivers (yea it has been real fun teaching her how to drive, and yea she was one of those hyper aggressive drivers), shopping for cloths, or even just sitting in a park (lots of noisy people).

 

The DMV lines had been the worst, and that clerk was so lucky to be alive. Plus she really had problems with people crowding her.

 

Anti were bigots were always in for a surprise if they disrespecting her. I also think St Louis was... well short a few sexual predictors (not that any of us cared). No love of rapists or child killers with us.

 

She loved chasing after the pigeons in the park. Caught quite a few but never hurt any of them.

 

I got lots of help from some of the other were groups and the vampires. Rather helped that Katherine had no interest in taking over any of the were groups, which made all the other Alpha weres very very happy and helpful.

 

After a few months she stared having sleepovers at the Circus (Jean-Claude's home base and home), and sometimes at Sylvie and Gwen's house and a few times with the Rodere. She also did some volunteer time at the were coalition that Micah had founded.

 

She'd gotten into a fight with Jamil at a Lukoi party. Jamil had been drinking a bit too much and had trash talked her. Along the lines of (You're not half as tough as you pretend to be, I'd kick your ass if you couldn't phase). He so believe that every lesbian had just not met the right man.  

 

Male weres in general were stronger then female weres, but it depends on the species. Also were societies tend to follow the animal model when it comes to dominance. So that tells you just how good Sylvie was in that she was second in command of the Lukoi. Now keep in mind that fights at a Lukoi event were very common so it did not hurt Katherine's stand with the Lukoi when she kicked his ass without phasing; actually improved her standing.

 

And Jamil had apologized to her afterwards. A guy to guy kind of apology in that he said he had been out of line and would she like a beer.

 

Katherine was one scary lady when she went full Alpha, but she was almost always in more of a Beta mode; she was done with being an Alpha in most situations. Right up to the time you tried to hurt somebody she cared about, then... well Katherine and I really got along well on that topic.

 

Real well. Two cats of a feather I guess (yea I'm mixing my metaphors).

 

Katherine was accepted as a full Pard member by the end of the fifth month.

 

Oh how she cried. We had a cake and everything.

 

Illyana had only shown up once since Katherine arrived. Three months ago when a truly bad ass vampire and crew had shown up with the intent of taking over St Louis and then claiming a seat on the vampire counsel. That had been one long night of terror that had culminated with the head vampire trying to make Katherine his animal to call, his involuntary servant.

 

Well, Illyana was not a hover mother to panic over every little cut or bruise. But that... well. It was hell on earth there for ten minutes. And when I say hell I mean hell came to town and brought her friends. Demons and hellfire and Illyana screaming in rage and power and pain and… for those who understood Katherine… love.

 

Utter love and devotion. Nobody got to hurt Katherine again. **NOBODY**!

 

I'd seen Magik angry and enraged. Now I had seen her apocalyptic.

 

Somehow she had merged that Limbo realm of hers and our world. For ten minutes a part of St Louis went to hell. No idea how she did it, although there was that little issue of her destroying that god machine the first time she was here; I rather sure she's stashed power somewhere for rainy days. Well, Noah would have been impressed by that flood.

 

Answered the question about Illyana’s hints of having a dragon form in my world. Yea she did. Oh fuck did she have one.

 

And then it was over, apart from the cleanup which the city thinks will be done in the next year or so. Four entire derelict blocks of St Louis reduced to smoking ruble. Urban renewal Illyana style. Never did find any bodies, don’t want to think about why.

 

The climax had been in a derelict warehouse. Vampire and most of his crew, me and mine and Katherine. Fang boy made his play for Katherine and according to some folks that where outside, the night sky faded into burn orange and there were… things flying in the air. The dark parts of the warehouse got extra inky dark and then we saw two red eyes in the darkness and I heard screaming. Like a girl child was being torn apart by wolves.

 

Yea, the same kind of screaming I'd always heard when Illyana had appeared the first time. That part of her that was still screaming over what had been done to here. That screaming had always freaked me out before, and still did, but it didn't fill me with complete terror this time.

 

Naaa, it filled me with... well anticipation for what was about to happen.

 

Illyana strode out of the darkness, in full golden dragon form from what everybody else says, except Katherine and I. I saw two forms, like both were there, one was a ghostly golden dragon, the other was Illyana in her Darkchilde form holding that burning sword of hers. Katherine says that she just saw Illyana but would not say in what form. I wonder... I think we all saw the same thing, just with different eyes and senses.

 

Illyana had snarled just two words. **_“Dead man”._ **

Don’t know if she was referring to him being an ancient vampire or to his impending fate. Didn't really matter. Then… things came out of the darkness behind her. Things that make you want to claw your eyes out so you can stop seeing them. Things that completely left us alone, but not his minions.

 

It was a battle royal and Fang boy had brought weres and guns and knives and magic and vampires to a demon fight.

 

He was so screwed.

 

We all ran for it. Everybody except Katherine.

 

She stayed. She hide. She watched.

 

She was the only thing that ever walked out of that warehouse after it exploded and collapsed into ruble (and the other three blocks as well). That little phasing ability of her's is oh so very useful.

 

Afterwards Cherry (one of the female members of my Pard) keep getting rather hysterical and shouting “ _And that’s your girlfriend?!_ ”. Cherry was rather drunk at that point. Yea, Illyana cared, genocidally cared.

 

The look on the vampire’s face when it all turned to shit was priceless. He had thought he was getting two for the price of one. What he got was… well a dragon by the tail. Wow, blood and ruin and hellfire. It was impressive.

 

Illyana hadn’t stayed. Being so close to Katherine apparently was complete agony, which likely in part triggered the rather apocalyptic results. No pain for Katherine though, apart from the grief of seeing her beloved so reduced and in such distress.

 

God, afterwards Katherine’s eyes were shining with tears of love and pride. For some it’s flowers, others clothing or jewelry. I guess for Katherine nothing says love like a body count but I don’t think De Beers will be using that slogan to sell diamonds anytime soon

 

**FLASHBACK 2 (Katherine)**

 

Blood was everywhere, but no bodies apart from one. The demons that Illyana had brought had already pulled the dead, dying, and these who were now wishing they were dead, into the darkness (and back to Limbo).

 

A blood drenched Illyana was standing over the dead master vampire. She was screaming vitriolic insults and abuse at the body while hacking it into ever smaller bits. She was in her full Darkchilde physical form and her tail was lashing about.

 

 ** _"Illyana stay"!_   **Commanded Katherine. as she phased out of a pile of rubble that she had concealed herself within. Katherine started running towards Illyana.

 

Illyana's head snapped up and saw Katherine. She gestured with her sword at Katherine while screaming _" **STAY AWAY"!**_

 

Illyana tried to port away but found herself obeying Katherine's command.

 

Illyana kept Katherine at bay with the sword while screaming at her ** _" DON"T! Don't come near me!"_**

 

Then Illyana apparently noticed that she was threatening Katherine with her sword. The sword faded away while Illyana screamed and dropped to her knees and proceeded to pound on the concrete floor with her hands. She continued shouting and screaming, but now it was addressed to herself.

 

**_"WRONG! You utter bitch! You almost hurt her! HER!   NO! NEVER! NEVER HER! DIE, DIE FIRST! Nooooooooooo"!_ **

****

Katherine wisely stood and let Illyana scream it out. Illyana finally fell silent and just bowed her head and stared at the floor.

 

 _"My love"_ greeted Katherine

 

 _"She's dead. I'm all that's left"_ answered Illyana with a cold and emotionless tone.

 

Katharine took a step towards Illyana and Illyana cringed and spoke.

 

_"Please don't... it hurts so much. Being here with you makes it hurt even worse"._

 

Katherine stopped her advance and raised her right hand to reach out to Illyana.

 

_"Illyana..."_

 

_"No. I'm not her... not her. Please don't call me by that name. Let me go. Please! I beg you"!_

Katherine let her hand drop.

 

_"Do you feel nothing for me my love"?_

_"No. That's dead, just like her"._

Katherine grinned. Which was an odd thing to do. But then her next words explained.

 

_"Liar. Look around Illyana, doesn't look like nothing to me. I heard what you were screaming at that corpse"._

Illyana looked up and stared into Katherine's green eyes. Illyana's look of longing and pain was heart breaking. Illyana spoke after an eternity of staring at Katherine.

 

_"I was fated to kill you again. You were never meant to survive. She found a way out, for both of us. But that way means... means we can't be together. Not now... possibly not ever"._

Katherine resumed walking towards Illyana and then knelt next to her.

 

Illyana hid her head in shame. Shame at what she was. Shame at her form. Shame that she could not be what she most wanted to be.

 

Katherine placed her left hand under Illyana's chin and gently raised her head, and then kissed her.

 

Illyana shuddered and wept at the contact.

 

Katherine stood up.

 

_"Illyana, I know you can't grasp it right now. But you were always just Illyana. You were always her. Before, during, and after. Someday... you'll understand. The devil lies, and the greatest harm is when we believe what the devil tells us. You are and always were just Illyana. Never forget I love you, just you. Not some other her, not some other form. Just you"._

 

Katherine turned to go. As she walked away while phasing thought the rubble she spoke one last time.

 

_"One day you will be free. I await that day"._

 

Illyana watched Katharine leave, and then she screamed, convulsed, gave shape to the pain within. Her writhing destroyed what was left of the warehouse.

 

**END FLASHBACK 2**

 

Now, a year plus later, Katherine was off to school. She was still deep in mourning, which made things a rather complicated as Magik was far from dead.

 

Shards, to quote Magik, really far from dead as I had just returned from my service to her where she'd... well that's another story for another time. Not dead but... so not the woman that Katherine describes and whom I had met just that once.

 

Magik had taken me, but had again avoided Katherine. Katherine explained to the group as she drank some more wine. She shared that she and Illyana had briefly… spoken in the warehouse as it burned and collapsed.

 

_“Nobody... can help her out of the darkness. It’s… Fate. She’s ensnared in entangled fates and must find her own way”._

_“She… she’s very grateful for all that you’ve done for me. As much as she’s capable of. She’s… she’s a predator on the hunt and… she’s scented her prey, her soul. But... I fear that she’s... never going to really recover”._

Katherine was silent for a moment. Then continued.

_She... she lied to me about only one thing when we were in Limbo. She... she said she did not know what she'd done. She didn't but she... she knew the price. Knew and tried to conceal it from me. So... I pretended that I didn't know. So... she could... she could... do it. I so want her to be... be her again"._

 

_"She was so... terrified that I would be used to control her... That's why she selected this location. Nobody can get in"._

_"Turns out that a familiar can't lie to its master. But... the master can lie to the familiar"._

Violet spoke (she was a wereleopard and had been a major long term abuse victim which apparently had resulted in her and Katherine becoming close friends).

 

_"You have to know that she... she must have know that you knew"._

_"Yes... but it made it easier for her. It... was fate. She choose for me. She... she.... I… she... harmed herself for me. I'm... not sure that she’ll ever be able to recover from that harm"._

Everybody had a group hug. Yea the party had gotten maudlin. I spoke up.

 

_"So the both of you pretended that each other did not know, but you both knew that each other knew. Wow. That's... that's love"._

 

Katherine had a brief cry. Yea it sounds weak, but it wasn't. This was her circle of friends. We'd helped her through hell, and seen her deliver it as well. We even had a nickname. Katherine's Pride (as in lionesses).

_"She altered her fate for me. To give me... me"._

Yea it was a good party. The next day Katherine left for Yale and did good. She'd return on break.

 

Oh, and was being owed a favor by Magik worth it?

 

Oh Fing hell yea it was.

 

Cashed that little favor in when... well that's another story. Suffice it to say that Magik pays her debts, all of her debts, in full. And even that bitch, the Mother of all Darkness can burn if it gets hot enough.

 

Magik may not have been her equal, but combined with all of us? As I said. Magik keeps her word.

 

Shit, I'm so glad I'm not on her enemies list. Not a friend, but I’m friends with Katherine and that is one hell of a good thing.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if I'm going to write another Cat story. I wanted to write a full length story involving Cat and this certainly counts. I tried to come up with a story about the young Illyana and Cat in the wilderness of Limbo but my muse never came up with anything. Then as I mused (ha ha) I came up with the idea of a returned Cat, one who was insane and need of care. A retelling of the young Illyana and Cat story, but now with Illyana all grown up. That clicked with the little short story I had written about the Endless as to how Cat was returned. 
> 
> And so this story was born.

Author: I guess I also wanted to also write an Illyana love story where somebody really cares for Illyana. I'm happy in that I've addressed my sadness that there never were any more Illyana/Cat stories in the comics.

 

I still think that Marvel really should bring Cat back (what a great mentor for Laura).

 

And... my guess is Leah of Hel and Illyana are going to be an **ITEM** in the comics so that rather precludes much writing of Katherine/Illyana for now. It would be nice if Marvel actually has Illyana have a girl or boy friend; but we all know they need to be made of stern stuff and Leah certainly is (time for our demon girl to move on comic wise from just being the scary presence to actually having a relationship).

 

So what happened next with this story line? Well... stories never end. They just lead to other stories and other lives.

 

Here are some possibilities... (which I doubt I will ever write).

 

**Part 25b: Paths in Destiny's garden**

 

Katherine lived a long life in Anita's world. She traveled for a few years and then grew bored of being idle. She went to college with a vengeance and ended up with several doctorate degrees within only a few years (remember folks, Kitty Pryde is a genius). Then after several years teaching she founded the Institute for young weres outside of New York city. First of its kind in that it took weres of all types and no clans were allowed on campus, they were all just one clan. A school as it were, nicknamed the institute of wayward kitties for some reason; nobody was ever quite sure how it got the nickname.

 

After many many years Katherine finally died of old age at 117. She was greatly missed by many as she had touched so many lives. She never married or had children, she had considered her students to be her children. After her burial a mysterious blond woman had showed up and wept alone upon her grave, nobody knew who she was as everybody was too afraid to approach her (but they suspected her identity).

 

Afterwards, the grave monument, she was buried on the grounds of the school she founded, was found to have one additional sentence cut into the stone.

 

_CAT, whom I loved more then life itself._

 

Every year after that, all flowering plants on campus would bloom on the day of Katherine's death.

 

**OR...**

 

After a few years of freedom, therapy, and living, Katherine vanished one night never to be seen again by anybody in Anita's world.

**OR...**

 

Years later a new vampire counsel tried to arise from the rubble of the old, now dead, one. Eleven ancient and powerful vampires joined together in Scotland to form a new counsel. They decided that using Katherine would allow them to manipulate a great power.

 

Scotland Yard, and the British defense department, later concluded that it was as if a tactical nuke had gone off under deep under ground at the remote Scottish castle. But there was no radioactive fallout or even a change in the background radiation. It was a world wide media sensation for over a year and a day.

 

Two days after the event, every ancient vampire other then Jean-Claude and his vampires, received a postcard. Even the one's that did not have any mailing address or even a post office (which really freaked them out). It was one of those selfie postcards where somebody stands in front of something, takes a selfie, and then prints it as a postcard.

 

It was Magik in her Darkchilde form. Behind her was a glowing crater. She was smiling, but she didn't look happy, and the smile looked... looked like something you really didn't ever want to see.

 

A T-Rex grinning at the thought of eating you was how one person described that postcard. But the T-Rex wanted to play with you first. Like how an Orca plays with a seal before eating it so... not a fun kind of play if you're the seal.

 

The note on the post card was simple. _Thinking of you. I said leave_ _Katherine alone. Next time I will be less kind and less selective._

 

No vampire ever ever again though that Katherine was anything but off limits.

 

**OR...**

 

Ok, one more chapter. Illyana hates movies with contrived happy endings so I have to do it right


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for all of you readers who say (screw canon).

**Part 26: Epilogue 4a Years later... The Ladies**

 

The three ladies were sat around their kitchen table in the run down cottage. The remains of an orange cake with brandy glaze was present (just a few slices left) and a big pot of now drained tea.

 

Illyana had once again visited, like she was wont to do, even thought her remaining two questions had been answered many years ago. Illyana visited because she really did like the ladies, something the ladies had at first not believed.

 

Nobody liked the ladies. That was just how it was. You went to them, asked your questions, likely go screwed by your answers because you asked the wrong questions, and left.

 

Everybody but the daughter of no woman.

 

She had kept visiting and not asking her questions! Not asking when they expected!

 

One night they had finally had a screaming fight with Illyana about it. The irony of Fate screaming questions at Illyana was not lost on anybody.

 

 _"Why won't you ask the two questions daughter"!_ Screamed Urd.

 

 _"We tire of this game"!_ Screeched Skuld.

 

 _"Always we are ready, always you don't ask"!_ Complained Verdande.

_"Why do you visit us if you will not ask your questions"!_ Demanded Urd.

 

 _"I like you"_ was Illyana's simple reply while taking a sip of tea.

 

 _"Nobody likes us"!_    All three ladies replied in unison.

 

 _"Well I do"_ was Illyana's mild retort.

 

 _"Why"?_ All three ladies again asked in unison and frustration.

 

_"I know what it's like to be always rejected for being what you are. You've never made me feel unwelcome. I like you. I like it here. It's that simple"._

_"And the remaining questions"?_ They ladies asked in harmony.

_"Will be asked when we reach the point I need to ask"._

_"Don't you want to know the location of the medallion"?_

_"No. I already know where it is"._

_"Don't you want to know the location of the lady Witchfire"?_

_"No. That will soon be sniffed out. And then snuffed out. Then I suspect it will almost be time"._

_"Time for what"?_ The ladies inquired again in harmony.

 

 _"Time for somebody's grand plan to be reveled. And then..."_ Illyana left her response hanging.

 

 _"And then"?_ Incarnations of Fate asked. Blind! They were always blind to the daughter of no woman's decisions!

 

_"And then I will ask. And then I will have my vengeance by taking the plans of others and using them to both destroy that which I hate and recover that which I've lost"._

 

The ladies had been impressed. The daughter of no woman played the long game.

 

But now... it was years later and Illyana's plans had long since destroyed the Elder gods and she had recovered her soul. Yet still she showed up. Yet still she brought gifts.

 

Urd mused _"She still likes us. Nobody likes fate"._

 

Verdande chimed in " _She still wants to have tea and bring gifts. Since when has anybody done that? Even though we answered her questions long ago"._

 

Skuld grumbled _"She thanked us. Nobody ever thanks us. Mostly they curse us"._

 

Urd commented again _"She did not beg. They always beg when they see what their answers cause"._

Verdande picked up a needle. _"I tire of the rules. We like her. F the rules"._

 

**Part 26: Epilogue 4b We belong**

 

Katherine was sitting outdoors in a small bistro cafe in the in the town of New Haven, where Yale University resides. She had been eating breakfast and the remains of a bagel with salmon was on her plate. She was still nibbling at it while drinking her coffee.

 

It was a fine spring day, bit chilly though, and Katherine was contemplating what to do with her life. Last month she had been awarded her third doctorate degree (Computer Science, Electrical Engineering, and now Computer Engineering) and university life was turning both pale and dull.

 

It had been over six years since she has arrived on this world. Six years of pain, of triumph, of... recovery. Today was the day after her birthday and Katherine had hoped that yesterday might be the day... but no, it had not been the day. She was finally coming to grips that it would never be the day.

 

She liked the cafe, good food and in the evenings they sometimes had live music as well. Katherine was currently listening to a random song on her, well Illyana's, IPod. It was The Flame by Cheap Trick.

 

Another night slowly closes in

And I feel so lonely

Touching heat freezing on my skin

I pretend you still hold me

I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep

I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you

I can't believe you're gone

You were the first, you'll be the last

...

...

 

The song bugged Katherine. In irritation she hit pause. No need for reminders at her loss.

 

Another song was gently playing on the cafe's sound system. It was Troy by Sinead O'Connor.

 

...

Tell me when did the light die

You will rise

You'll return

The phoenix from the flame

You will learn

You will rise

You'll return

Being what you are

There is no other Troy

For you to burn

And I never meant to hurt you

...

 

Katherine mumbled to herself _"God, sometimes I just hate music"._

She grabbed for her purse to go but bumped it and it fell of the table onto the floor. As Katherine reached to pick it up she jerked her hand back with an _"Ouch"._

Damn it. She'd pricked her finger on a needle that was laying on the ground.   She stuck her finger in her mouth to clean off the blood.

Then somebody apparently changed the radio station and a different song took the place of Troy. We Belong by Pat Benatar began to play.

 

_Many times I've tried to tell you_

_Many times I've cried alone_

_Always I'm surprised how well you_

_Cut my feelings to the bone_

_Don't wanna leave you really_

_I've invested too much time_

_To give you up that easy_

_To the doubts that complicate your mind_

 

_We belong to the light_

_We belong to the thunder_

_We belong to the sound of the words_

_We've both fallen under_

...

...

 

Katherine listened and wiped away a sudden tear. Then... then she froze.

 

There was a soft hand on her right shoulder and she smelled a scent she had missed for so long. And... and felt the presence of one long missed and feared forever lost.

 

She slowly turned her head, it was, it had to be...

 

**YES!**

 

Katherine asked a question with her eyes and Illyana answered with a smile that reached her eyes. Katherine’s Illyana looked out of those eyes.

 

Katherine couldn’t help herself. She began to purr.

 

 **Author** : Goodbye Cat. Live well. You deserved better then what Marvel gave you.


End file.
